When You Sense People in the Room Turning on You and it Starts to Feel Trippy

I had an uncle who passed away back in November and just recently we had a memorial service for him.

I had a Goodbye Dream with my Uncle in it recently. You can read about it here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/20/the-goodbye-dream/0

While at this Memorial Service, (that was held in the banquet room at a golf course where he used to play golf in his younger years) I literally felt the energy of many of my relatives and people that I know shift negatively toward me as the day went on, and it started to feel real trippy.

In recent years, I have learned that I am an empath. An empath is highly sensitive to the emotional climate around them. Throw in the fact that there is family drama and I am also a gal who is trying to navigate her every expanding gifts and it turns into one heck of a cluster!

Let me fill in the back story for you.

In December, my husband, kids and I celebrated Christmas Eve at my Aunt’s house, (the sister-in-law to my Uncle who recently passed). At her house, things were fine for the most part, though this Aunt is known to be a pot-stirrer. And by fine, I mean that I dismissed side comments that I know where made about me when I’d leave a room and I ignored a look or glance that was given over my shoulder at times, but all-in-all, I let things roll off and I survived.

My deceased Uncle’s daughter Ann, (my cousin), shares the same Aunt referenced above. Her mother and my Aunt were sisters. This cousin now lives out-of-state and my relationship with this cousin took a one-eighty a few years ago. And truly, to this day, I have no idea what I did to piss her off. To attempt to salvage this relationship I even wrote her a letter once asking where our relationship went wrong and apologized for whatever it was that I did to upset her and asked her how I could fix it. (This was her que to either tell me that all is fine or to F-off, but I never heard a word from her. I still have a copy of the letter.) This cousin is close to my above mentioned Aunt and has a relationship with my Sister. (My sister who has a stronger relationship with my Cousin’s kids than what she does with mine.)

Now here in February, this Memorial Service rolls around. I feel somewhat relaxed knowing that I made it through Christmas Eve unscathed. I know walking in that there is friction with my cousin but knowing that this is a Memorial Service for her father, I know that I am going to be supportive and respectful so really, what could go wrong?!?!?!

As my husband, kids and I walked in, we said our hellos to my cousin and her family who were receiving people at the door. Then I made my way around the room and said my hellos to relatives including cousins, second cousins, friends of my cousin and family friends and neighbors of my Uncle. These people smiled, hugged me and said hi to me.  Small talk here, small talk there… Until, oops!! I walk up to my Aunt (from Christmas Eve) and try to say hello and hug her. She turns sideways as I hug her and she starts to talk to someone else so I FIRST assumed that maybe I accidentally interrupted a conversation and just carried on.

Also before the service got started, I also connected with my Uncle’s neighbor. She is a boisterous Irish lady. She was really good friends with my Aunt (who has passed) and when I talk with her, I feel my Aunt’s presence. I felt the need to share bits and pieces of my “goodbye dream” with her. I asked her if she wanted to know what my Uncle looked like now that he passed. I told her that I had a dream recently. She said “sure” and I shared a few details with her.  All felt fine.

Before the Service starts, I see my Aunt (from Christmas Eve) making her rounds to all of our relatives. I didn’t think anything of it.  Though soon after I notice to the left of me, in the corner of the room, where a majority of the people I know are… The room seemed to grow colder, almost grayer…

The service starts and we all take our seats. People got up and went to the podium and told stories and memories about my Uncle. A few times I was tempted to get up and share my “goodbye dream” with the crowd. The coldness (emotionally, not temperature) from the corner of the room wasn’t helping.  I even had head tingles which is validation for me, but at the end, I chickened out because I didn’t think that the idea of a “goodbye dream” would go over well with the entire crowd. (I later told my mother about the dream when we went to go out to eat after the service.)

As the stories started to wrap up, all of the guests in the room started to mingle. I made my way back to my Aunt who I saw at the beginning of the Service and she again starts walking off as I am trying to make small talk. I then start to approach some distant cousins, and a few of my Aunt’s sister-in-laws and suddenly I am getting half-cracked smiles, little eye contact and one answer responses to my questions. WTF??? Somebody pinch me! I am dreaming? It is though I am feeling their rumblings toward me, but yet nobody is saying anything. Very surreal. Very trippy!

I attempt once again to make my way over to my Aunt who is now sitting down at a table. Her son is getting married next year and I try to use the wedding as a conversation starter. As I start chatting (and notice the wide eyes of one of her sister-in-laws who is next to her) my Aunt gets up as she’s mid-sentence responding to me and walks away from me. I had to move aside to get out of the way for her.

At this point, it hits me. I’m not making up what I saw and felt when I first saw her. It also hits me that this is “the family tradition” (insert sarcasm) on this side of the family. The tradition that goes back to my great grandmother, my grandmother and her sister – my great aunt, and then down to my aunts and even cousins and second cousins. The tradition that SOMEONE is always on the out. THAT SOMEONE is the one who everyone critiques, picks apart and talks negatively about. THE SOMEONE who isn’t always invited to things. The SOMEONE who is the A$$shole – just because someone else decided.   And as I let it resonate for a moment, I step back and look at other relatives and people in the room and realize that most of those who I know, have done a one-eighty toward me in the time I have been in the room with them as well. WTH?!?!!? At this point I give my husband the “it’s-time-to-circle-the-wagons-and-go” look so that we can gather up the kids and head out.

We go through the motions of saying our goodbyes to everyone. The final people we need to see before stepping out is my Cousin (the one who has the beef with me, but I am clueless as to what I have done). There were a few people ahead of us leaving so we had to wait for a few people ahead of us. And low and behold, as if I wasn’t beaten up enough I am next in line to say the goodbyes and my Cousin decides that she needs to excuse herself and use the ladies room. At this point, I see my mother have a look of shear surprise on her face, so I know that I have a witness to the crazy situation. Being the type of person that doesn’t like to back down easily, I waited a few minutes for my cousin to return and then when she didn’t in a few minutes I went in the ladies room myself. She then scurried back to the banquet room so I went back there made sure the kids and hubby where there and we said our goodbyes and were out of there. All the way home I kept playing the afternoon over and over in my head. At that point, between the adrenaline and lack of food, I felt a migraine kicking in.

A few weeks have passed since my uncle’s memorial service and I am still processing everything that happened.  The range of emotions are crazy. I keep going back over the day and even the time between Christmas and the Memorial Service trying to figure out what I might have done or said to cause this. At the end of the day, I really don’t have any answers. I notice that by having the gifts that I have, that it feels strange picking up on all that I do. I have a lot of “pinch-me-I-must-be-making-this-up” moments. That is where the trippy part comes in. At the end of the day, I know what I am picking up on is real. It is just heartbreaking when the negativity is coming from people who are supposed to love and care about you. I have decided that in order to protect my “energy” and my emotions around extended family, “I am now down to weddings and funerals” for most.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

You’re an Empath, Not Crazy!

I saw the image at the top of this post come across my Facebook Feed today. I got if off of a great page called: Empathy Welcome and as with most Empath related quotes and information that I see floating around. This one fits the bill. My poor husband many times thinks that I am either (1) hormonal or (2) refer back to #1, I’m just plain hormonal half the time because my moods can constantly change or body ailments can pop up out of the blue.

I can be going along one minute as though everything is fine and then – BOOM!!! I can start stomping around the house, slamming drawers, or at a drop of the hat start yelling at my kids for something that doesn’t quite deserve the high pitch shouting that is coming out of me. The kids, my husband and even the dog have witnessed this time and time again and have had to run for the hills.

….. And sometimes as quick as it started….. It’s done. Almost like “End Scene!”

And then what usually follows is….a nap! Why? Because I am spent. As if something or someone took over my body, made me run a marathon and then left! Left me with the leftovers!!

Let me give you some real examples as to how I have taken on other people’s energy or symptoms.

A few years ago, I got really angry one afternoon. Like really pissed off to the point I was starting to question why I was so angry. The kids were gone, my husband was at work. Nothing out of the ordinary was going on or happened. No family drama at the moment to speak of. Prior to the mood swing, I was having a really good day. The next day I see my neighbor outside while getting my mail. She comes over to chat and tells me that while meeting with lawyers the day before pertaining to her divorce, her soon-to-be Ex Husband (who was going along fine with the divorce process up until now) suddenly wants part of her 401K, part of the home that they lived in, (but she built and he never put a dime in for), and one of the cars that her son drives. She was livid. And really, I was too, the day before, but now I know why!

I remember one Sunday morning at Church I stopped in the ladies room before Service. When I got out of the stall, there was a woman standing at the sink sniffling with a tissue. I thought that maybe she was crying. While washing my hands I asked her if she was OK and she responds that she is suffering from a nasty cold that she can’t seem to get rid of. I wish her a good day. As I walk into Service to find my husband, I notice that suddenly my nose if running (though it wasn’t before we left the house that morning). I first thought to myself, shoot, now I’m getting sick. Within a few moments it hit me – I took a little of the lady in the restroom’s cold away from her. I took on her symptoms…The runny nose went away a few minutes later.

On a particular summer morning, my kids were having friends come over to play and the mom and I were going to hang out while they played. Prior to them arriving I would feel myself getting riled up a bit. Almost angry. I blamed those feelings on the fact that my house was filthy and if I took better care of the cleaning side of things, I’d be less stressed before people come over. Well, after everyone arrives and the kids are sent off to play, I find out that the mom is at her wits end with her children for none of them listening or behaving properly over the last few days, and low and behold her husband had been putting in a lot of time  in at work and not around the house a lot to help with the kids. After hearing what was going on, I got that little kick in my gut and thought to myself, “This is why I was so stressed this morning, never mind the house.”

One afternoon while walking down our block, I remember walking by a certain house and feeling the overwhelming sadness that the parents are feeling because their teen-aged children are always on the go and about to move out of the house for the next chapters of their lives. This was confirmed to me in a later conversation with one of the home owners as he was giving me a lecture reminding me to hang on to the moments that I have now with my kids while they are younger because once they get older, you’ll be sad that they are up and leaving.

Last April I remember sitting in my bathroom I remember feeling a strong sense of sadness and I couldn’t help but to keep thinking that “Life as we know it, will never be the same again.” Strong words, and well, some that can ignite panic. A day or so later at the bus stop I learned of a family in the neighborhood who lost their son a few evenings prior in an automobile accident. I called a friend of mine who was friends with this neighbor asking if she knew of the son’s passing. She didn’t. A few days later she phones me to thank me again for letting her know about the accident as she went over to visit the family. She shared with me that though the family was grieving, they knew that they would see their son again someday. And they now have to learn to figure out a ‘new normal’ because (according to what my friend said) they said, “Life as they know it will never be the same.”

(Sit on that one for a moment.)

Another morning while getting ready I started to feel really sluggish and out of it, which was odd because I thought that I had been eating well, drinking the necessarily liquids and actually got a decent night’s sleep. (A rarity, the sleep anyway.) Later that morning I went to get my hair done. While sitting in the chair, my stylist kept yawning and was noticeably tired. She complained of feeling fatigued and feeling out of it that day and thought that she might be coming down with something. After leaving the beauty shop and grabbing some lunch I felt totally fine.

Back in the fall of, or the latter half of 2015, I remember getting such an urge to stock pile bottled water, that it wasn’t even funny. We had the usual cases in the garage and periodically I kept adding to more and more cases in our front hall closet. It was to the point that my husband would make snide comments about it and I even had a friend and another time a relative give me a weird look when I opened up the hall closet door and they saw the inventory of water we had. (Again, insert snide comment towards me here.) It took me a while to put the pieces of this together, but what I think really happened with this situation was, (or what feelings I was feeling) were, well, Flint Michigan and their water crisis.

Now there are times when I don’t find this gift to be as exhausting and actually helpful in a sense. For example, one day my mouth kept hurting on a specific side. I noticed it again a day or so after when one of my children were with me. I asked, “Does the upper, left side of your mouth hurt you today?” The response was “Yes” in a matter-of-fact way. Well, later, we realized that my child’s upper molars were popping through — On the left side!

I’ve also been able to use this gift to feel when one of my children are about to get sick, for instance I can get a severe stomach ache before anyone mentions that they feel like they are going to throw up, or I can feel my nose start to itch or feel dry on one side or the other only to have one of my children come home from school to say that they were sent down to the Nurse’s Office that day for a bloody nose. (I’ve gotten so good at this game I’ll guess which side the nose bleed happened on before I later hear about it.)

I can also have my parents over for a visit and know that my Father’s back is hurting him because, well, mine will too. This helps me to know to keep the kids from playing too rough with him.

Being an Empath is a blessing and can feel like a curse, but as I learn to live with this gift, I feel lucky to have it.

What are some of your Empathic stories??

 

New Year. New Stuff. I’ve Expanded my Social Media Presence

Better late than never, I decided it is time to move forward on a few things that I have been procrastinating on for a while. One being that I have decided to start more dedicated social media pages under Maura. I have a birth name but I feel that I relate to the name “Maura” when it comes to my spiritual gifts.

If you’d like to follow along, let’s connect! Here are the accounts that I have thus far.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MauraBlakelyIntuitiveLightworker

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/Maura_Blakely/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/maura-blakely/

I’d love to follow you back!

– Maura

 

I Highly Recommend this Book for Empaths!

A few days ago I purchased the book: Whose Stuff Is This?: Finding Freedom from the Negative Thoughts, Feelings, and Energy of Those Around You by Yvonne Perry. I am not getting paid for my opinion here, nor was I asked for it, but I think that this book should be shared.

As an Empath, I found that this book gave me validation for what I have been going through. It helped me to recognize my empathy overload, as well as to point out the unseen things (thoughts emotions, illnesses, hunches and even mental pictures) that I deal with daily.

I about fell over when I got to page 26. Page 26 is where Chapter 2 starts. This was my experience exactly! As if I wrote this part of the book, (Which I didn’t, lol!) From Urgent Care facilities, to ambulances, to specialists’ offices!

“What’s wrong with me doc?”……book

“I can’t find anything wrong with you!…

….It must be Anxiety! (I hate that word!)

….It must be Allergies!!! (Thanks, I’ve been tested for everything!!)

And on page 28, the panic attack in Wal-mart! (Mine was actually at a Hobby Lobby Store!)

I still have issues dealing with my Empath abilities, but this book has helped me to learn to filter out other people’s emotions, and to try to manage my own energy better. I seriously have a chunk of the book’s text underlined and post-it notes stuck throughout it so that I can go back to it time and time again for reference.

Again, I was not asked by anyone to share this book and I was not paid for my option of it. It is a tool that worked for me and perhaps it will help other Empaths as well!

The Butterfly!

We found this beauty in our yard this afternoon. Quite stunning I must say… my youngest and I wpicture_savedere in our side yard today. A place that we don’t normally hang out. I thought I was at first looking at a leaf in the grass until I realized, it was a beautiful butterfly!!! (I immediately ran inside to grab my camera!)

Although specific meanings vary from culture to culture, the butterfly is seen as a deep and powerful representations of life. It is widely viewed as a positive symbol of personal transformation, freedom from previous struggles, as well as a symbol of renewal and hope. (Hmm, all of these fit the bill for me, right about now!)

Many cultures and religions associate the butterfly with our souls. Christians view the butterfly as a symbol of resurrection. While others regard the butterfly as a “bringer of dreams”, or as a symbol of luck. Many also believe that angels use butterflies to remind us of their presence.

Whatever you believe, they sure are a beautiful creature!

In Sync But Too Bad We Didn’t Make it to the Sink.

So today I got some interesting messages that reminded me that I was in sync with the Universe. While heading to my child’s school to help out in the classroom, I saw not one, not two, but three hawks on three different rooftops within a block of each other. To some, it may sound like something creepy out of a movie, but I knew this neat display was nothing to fear.

When I signed in at the office at the school the clock read 12:12. When I was done helping out I stopped off to check out a book fair that was happening at the school. When I looked up at the clock again, it read 1:11….

Now I could go on all day keep writing about the number 1, the number 2, and the combinations they make up and their meanings, etc. but let’s cut to the chase:

  • 1212 is a message to stay optimistically focused on your highest possible future, and a reminder that your angels are supporting you in manifesting your goals, dreams, and life purpose.
  • 1:11, (or 111) is a reminder to stay positive. It is a call from the angels to pay attention to one’s thoughts as they can manifest – good, bad or otherwise. (I can have a tough time dwelling on the positive and usually get stuck focused on rehashing negative thoughts. Not good!)

Now if only the end of my day was as in sync with the Universe.

After tucking my children into bed for the evening, I headed to my room to watch TV. (I should probably be meditating or something instead, but sometimes a girl just needs something mindless to do.) While in bed, I reflected on how cute my little boy was today. It was pajama day at school and he wore his favorite pair. I couldn’t help but to think to myself how there isn’t much more time before he will be too old to enjoy these silly theme days anymore. Soon he will think that it will be “uncool!”  Then I pictured the little guy shuffling to the bus in his jammies. I then thought to myself that I should be taking more photos of him.

Then I got a nervous, anxious feeling that washed over me.

I even ask myself, what could this feeling be? What am I missing?

A few minutes later, my son is in our hallway throwing up. He’s got an upset stomach.

I think to myself, “It’s too bad that we didn’t make it to the sink….”

I then beat myself up thinking that it is bad that I didn’t know how to “tune-in” to why I was feeling anxious right before it all happened.

I feel that Spirit tried to warn me – I just didn’t know how to listen.

And now I’m up trying to get puke out of the hall carpet.

 

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Monkey Mind – What is Monkey Mind?

In my Reading the other day, Jill brought up that I have “Monkey Mind.” My mind is mush, I know that much. I used to have it together – the house, the kids, me, a career. These days, I’m lucky to know my name and my right hand from my left.

I looked up the term: Monkey Mind. It is a Buddhist term meaning “unsettled; restless; capricious; whimsical; fanciful; inconstant; confused; indecisive; uncontrollable“. Yup, that is about right. That is how I feel on a regular basis these days.  I also feel that my head never shuts off and is in constant motion. For example:

  • My mind is always thinking about what needs to be done – House, Children, Husband, Volunteering, Work….
  • My mind is constantly looping the list of fears that I have, both real and imaginary. (One day we’ll get into that more.
  • My mind is constantly recalling hurtful things that have happened in the past – family drama, parents, siblings, in-laws, out-laws, work-related, friendship related, you name it.
  • I’m always judging the present and feel that I keep re-hashing the past.
  • And this big one, which is really no joke: My mind continuously creating catastrophic “what-if” scenarios of the future. (Another one that I’ll get into another time.)

I interpret monkey mind as the mental clutter that is stopping me from living in the Present and acts as  a distraction that is stopping me from being the productive person that I once was. It is time to get the monkey off of my back – or at least out of my mind!

Has anyone else dealt with this sort of crazy?

What have you done to get rid of it?

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

What is All the Buzz About?

Today I was driving to a furniture store to pick something up that I put on hold the other day and… it happened again! The buzzing or tickle that I get in my ear. Usually the right ear. The buzzing, if that is even the right word, happens randomly and I can’t pinpoint when or why it happens. Today I started to feel anxious when it happened. I was in the car and actually passing a forest preserve when it happened.

When the buzzing happens, I’ve tried to keep track of what I am eating at the time, my stress level, and the amount of sleep that I am getting, or lack thereof, and I can’t seem to connect the dots.

I’ve tried looking these symptoms up online and I get things like: Tinnitus (pronounced ti-ni-tis), “tumor growing in your ear”, hearing loss and drug interaction. (Way to get someone who feels anxious off and on to not worry, or think the worse.)

While diving the rest of the way to the store, I kept analyzing what the buzzing could be. Something told me that I should contact a friend of mine who has experience with Spirits. My friend Linny. She actually gave me my first reading back in 2002. Linny was correct in “predicting” husbands, children – how many and what sex, job situations, etc. She perfected her gift by working with her grandmother.

As you are reading this, you might be wondering why I thought to call a friend like this for this situation. Well, I failed to mention at the beginning of this post that my anxiousness started while passing a forest preserve on the way to the store. And when I passed the forest preserve, I got a weird, feeling. A feeling that something bad happened there. Like someone was harmed or murdered there…

I guess with that in mind, and the buzzing, Linny popped into my head. When I got to the furniture store, I immediately sent a message to Linny asking her thoughts on the situation. (I didn’t mention the forest preserve or anything, just simply the buzzing in my ear.

Here is a copy of what I wrote:

Hey lovely lady. I have a crazy question for u. Better yet maybe I’m crazy. Is it possible for me to feel anxiety/anxious and have tingling in my ears when, well, maybe spirit guides are trying to tell me something? Or perhaps I just suffer from anxiety and have an ear issue.

And here is what she responded back:

Hi sweetie! Well, Spirit Guides come to us in many ways. I’ve heard of that before, but usually there is some other kind of sign soon after. Have you had any dreams? And, please remember their messages are not always bad. It could very well be something amazing is about to happen. Keep me posted. xoxoxox, love you, Lin 

I felt a little more relaxed after hearing back. I also never considered getting a bad message, but I am new to whatever this buzzing is so I am open to learning anything I can.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.