Yesterday I was Keeping my Words in, and I Started to get a Sore Throat

Along my awakening journey I have learned that most dis-ease, body ailments, aches and pains that we experience in our bodies here in the physical world are related to our frame of mind and emotional state. (Louise Hay’s Book, “Heal Your Body” is a great resource for this topic.) I had an experience yesterday that is a perfect example of this that I would like to share with you.

As a reminder, the stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.

This post is a bit long, but I think that the back story is important to share to bring light as to why my throat started to hurt.

As it relates to this story, parents all have different parenting styles and we all handle issues with our children as we see fit. In our house when my children have an issue with another child (which doesn’t happen very often) we start by addressing the issue in only the four walls of our house and try to talk through and rectify the issues that way. (I don’t bother my children’s school with the issue and I don’t reach out to other parents immediately.)  If things are more serious or the same thing(s) keeps happening between one of my children and another child, (and it needs to be something big or my child’s reaction shows me concern) I will bring it to the attention of the other child’s parent. I’ve only had to bring up issues with other parents a few times so far in my children’s adolescent lives. Honestly I can count on one hand the number of times and I think I am up to maybe 4. In the times I have had to reach out to another parent I have presented the issues as a “heads up” to the parent to let them know that an incident took place. I don’t ask for anything in return. No even an apology to my kid. Just simply a heads up. I also ask that parent to let ME know what role my child played in the incident and to please let me know if I need to address anything with my child.

The times that I have been contacted by another parent about concerns or incidents that my children have been involved in, I thank the parent for reaching out to me and let them know that I will be addressing the issue with my child. I then sit down with my child and ask them for their side of the story.

As with anything, there are always three sides to any story…What this one thinks happens. What the other person think happens. And then what REALLY happened…. We all have our different perception or interpretation as to what is going on around us. In some cases one person might be in the wrong in their actions. In other cases both parties might be right or wrong in their actions.

If a parent contacts me about my child, I sit down with my child and get their side of the story and decide whether they were correct or not correct in their behavior. Then I circle back with the parent who contacted me and at times it has been appropriate that my child apologize to the other child. In our home we tend to “make things right” with the situation or other person and try to move on, even if we (or my children) feel that they didn’t wrong anyone. It is easier to just be a good human and to apologize and to move on.

My child (as well as our family) has tolerated the behavior of another child in our neighborhood for nearly the last six years. The list of things that this child has done that we have tolerated is a mile long and ranges from things like damaging our property, using inappropriate words and comments for his age, physically striking my children with other toys, and the best was the time that our family came home one day to find that he let himself into our house (and our dog running amok around the neighborhood). Though many of these things have continued to happen, the ones that I listed above all happened before this kid was 8 years old. (He is now 11.)

Over the years, after such incidents, I  have kept my mouth shut and I didn’t follow up with the parents of the child because my gut feeling told me if I bring anything up, that it would cause bad blood with this family. My thought was by keeping my mouth shut and tolerating this kid that I was being a cordial and considerate neighbor. (As many of you read this, I know you are thinking, WTF? Why didn’t you say anything?)

Fast forward to less than two months ago, there were multiple verbal instances between my child and this kid and on the final time other parents were witness to it. Since it was the third or fourth time that it happened and I could see that it was wearing on my child, I chose to reach out to the mother of the child via text.

The mother responded quickly and thanked me for letting her know. She did allude to the fact that her child’s behavior had to do with a text message that a third party kid sent her kid, but she said she would address it.

OK, fine. My thought was “let’s move on.” I’ve brought it to her attention. She’ll handle it her way. We are done here. (I was actually surprised at the quick response as other parents have warned me that they never get anywhere with her when they have raised issues in the past.) I felt satisfied in thinking that this was a done issue.

Then just this week, my child (who is generally on the more timid side) comes home fuming, in tears and is looking to punch walls and to kick things. He tells me that “he can’t take it anymore” and describes what this kid, the ringleader, said on the bus to my child and got others to join in as well. My child said that the ringleader and another child were poking at him the most, though others were also chiming in. My child does lack courage when standing up to others and it is something that we are still working on, but I could tell that this incident shook him. He proceeded to tell me that this has previously gone on (since the last incident that I let the mother know about) and I could tell that he had had it and that the ring-leading child’s repeated actions were affecting my child’s mental and emotional state.

I waited a few hours (I always feel that a cool down period is important) and I reached out to the children’s parents who seemed to cause my child the most distress with one being the ringleader’s mother and then to another mother who I know, to make them aware of the incident. I didn’t ask for anything in return, I just wanted them to be aware.

One mother responded back to me. She expressed concern and said that she’d be addressing it with her child. She also offered to have her child come over and to apologize. The other… the ringleader’s mother, wrote back a curt message that evening.  (Let’s add here that as an Intuitive Emapth, I can feel the tone of words that are written, not just spoken as well as have the ability to sense the feelings and energy of other people.)

The next morning while heading to the bus stop, I see the ringleaders’ mother running with her dog. She sees me, looks the other way and takes off.  Later that morning, I get a lengthy text from her. Basically she thinks what her kid said/did to my kid in the previous incident a few months ago as well as the other day isn’t that big of a deal. Her older kid and his friends have done it before and she doesn’t think it is that bad. Boys will be boys. Kids will be kids. (She based this on the fact that she has experience with older kids.) She then spun things and went on to say that I don’t care for her son (well, YOU the reader of this post saw my above list) and made him out to be the victim. She then went on to say that she knows her child and she will always support him. The last line of her message was “Have a nice day!” (In her defense we are I Mercury Retrograde.)

Oh! The things I could respond back with! I was seething. The things I have witnessed her child do… The complaints I have from at least six other families who live nearby who have shared their experiences with this family and this specific kid… The things that other parents at school have mentioned to me about her son…..

I could feel my throat starting to get scratchy as my thoughts were becoming inflamed. I thought, “Great! I’m getting sick!”

I battled with myself as to what my next move should be. Should I respond back?

I thought, why bother? It is going to fall on deaf ears, no responsibility is going to be taken, some people have to be right, they don’t have compassion and they are self-absorbed. I felt that if I go back to her with anything, she’ll just keep throwing it back this way and that her anger and negativity are just going to escalate. Furthermore, if someone has traits they don’t like about themselves, they are reminded of them when an Empath comes along as we reflect their “shadow side” back to them. (I AM an Empath!) Empaths tend to highlight and outline the traits of another person by not playing into lies, behaviors and narcissism.

I also struggled with the fact that my energy isn’t worth sacrificing and really needs to be protected. (People should protect their own energy, but for an Empath, it is even more crucial to do so.) Her lower vibration is just going to bring mine down to her level and the more I interact with her, the more this is going to happen.

And lastly, I feel that somewhere in this mess there is a bit of a “test” for me along my journey. Perhaps a test in keeping my mouth shut regarding things that I know. (See my post about “Spirit Gossip” and getting intuitive information on people who irritate my spirit.)

By dinner time my throat was getting worse and I started to take proactive measures with essential oils and elderberry syrup in the event that I was getting sick.

After dinner was done and the kids were off doing their own thing, I went into my office and I decided to “document” some of the recent instances that my child has had with the ringleader. (A few mothers who I know suggested that I do this in case these incidents keep happening with this kid.) As I was documenting, I also got the other information I had on this child out of my system. A bit of a purge shall we say?

I realized that after I was done documenting and purging, that my throat was back to normal. (Perhaps a reflective crystals ball in my window as well as my selenite wand did a little assisting as well.) Out of curiosity, I did get out my “Heal Your Body” book by Louise Hay to see what the cause or thought pattern of a sore throat or even throat meant.

Per the book, problems with the throat have to do with “The Inability to speak up for one’s self” and “Swallowed anger.” And a sore throat is associated with “Holding in angry words.” Hmmm, sounds like that hit yesterday on the head!

Today, I woke up with no issues in my throat. I also have a feeling of contentment. I know that I did the right thing by not engaging any longer with the mother. I also know that there is more to come and that I should just stay in my lane. The Universe will be taking care of the rest. #SpiritGossip #SoulContracts

Spirit said, “Watch and Observe!”

I witnessed something last week that reminded me that if we listen to our inner voice (Spirit, or Higher Self), and if we pay attention to the signs around us, we can use both as hints on the road map of life here in the physical world.

Before I dive into this story, I want to remind you that the stories and topics that I share here in my blog and in my other writings, are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I do my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you. In the case of this story, I do need to provide a few extra details about the subjects in order for you to understand the story, as I have lived it.

One of my children is involved with a local spots organization and as a whole it is a great organization to belong to, but just like anything else, it takes only a few bad (toxic) apples to spoil the bunch. Recently, there has been a family in our organization who has caused headaches for the coaching staff, spread negativity and proved their dishonestly over and over again, at least through my intuitive, empathic eyes. (I discuss how you can protect your own energy from toxic people in my Coffee Conversation and Transformation blog in this post.) At times, I also question if I am the only one seeing this crap, being too sensitive, or if others notice and pick up on it as well. And if they are noticing, are they okay with it? Do they agree with it? Do they see nothing wrong with it?

Time and time again I do second guess the information that I receive through my gifts. (I don’t actively read people I come in contact with, but I do tend to receive information on people who irritate my spirit. Those who irritate my spirit actually teach me something. Sometimes about myself, sometimes on how to translate different energies that I feel, sometimes to show me how far I have come along on my path. Other times “irritation” comes over me because it is a nudge to deliver a message to someone.) In this case, as recently as last week, I was starting to question my own thoughts towards the family that I describe as toxic. I was wondering if maybe I am too over sensitive and that these people really aren’t that bad? Maybe I’m just a b*tch and I am the crazy one here and everyone else is okay with their behavior?? As I am thinking this, I am in my car and pull up to a stop light. As I am sitting there, I hear, “watch and observe.” I took the message as watch and observe everyone around me, and not anybody in particular

As the week went on, I kept seeing similar vehicles around town just like what the family I have been second guessing myself on drives. Not just once or twice, but many, many times. It was never their vehicle or them in it, but a similar make, model and color. Towards the end of the week, it was almost comical how many vehicles I saw that matched theirs. This has happened to me before, when I see signs and symbols and a person pops into my head. I have learned to simply send love and light or to say a prayer for that person to give them whatever they need at that moment. A few times when I saw the similar vehicles, I DID send love and light to the family. We never know what battles people are dealing with behind closed doors.

I showed up to the next sporting event still wondering if I am wrong for what I think, feel and sense about these people. Before things got started, the mother chatted with a group of us and the conversation is light and airy. Again, I started to think, “Maybe I’m just crazy?” Maybe I am the one with the issue and is she really is not that bad? Maybe I am being too judge-y? But then I did notice that when I tried to engage in conversation, I found myself shutting down and not able to contribute to the conversation or make any eye contact. I also noticed that my body was always turned sideways away from the mother and the rest of the (extended) family. (As a reminder, Empaths shut down around inauthentic people.)

We made it through the game that day. The next day we sat through another game. The family was socially quieter and more to themselves, though the mother didn’t have any issues telling our coaches that they were in the wrong when it came to how they instructed her child on the field that day. I continued to be my usual self at the games and chatted as I normally did with those around me. I did find myself watching and observing more, but nothing earth shattering to make rhyme or reason out of took place.

By the third and final day, I had sort of forgotten about the whole “watch and observe” message. Two games took place back to back. After each game an MVP award was awarded to a player on each team. While in some cases it is an honor to get an MVP award because the child who is awarded it truly DID go above and beyond to help his team out, overall the MVP award is a joke and a money maker for an outside company whose goal is to gather a solicitation list of kids and their families together to go, play and spend a lot of money at Disney. What I’m trying to say is that the award doesn’t necessarily hold much water, but it can be a proud moment for a player and their family. Because two games were played that day, two awards were given out – each time to a kid who wasn’t related to the family that I have had in question. And nobody else on the sidelines around me questioned who was picked.

After the second award was given out, the family didn’t hide their dismay. Their body language showed it. You heard them grumbling, and myself, being energy sensitive, felt the discontent and anger from them come over me like a tidal wave.

parents youth sportsOne relative, in a loud and angry tone, (in front of other parents and players) went up to our head coach to voice her dismay that the child related to her didn’t win the MVP award when he should have. She claimed that we only won because of that specific child. (Mind you the kid did a better job in the first game and this is after the second game.) The mother also chimed in during the confrontation. The first relative continued to throw down more anger at the coach and then walked away, but he called her back to finish the conversation that she started. The rest of the family/extended family just stood off to the side staring at the confrontation. No attempt to pull their people back or to talk them off of the ledge. As everyone waited around and gathered their belongings, the team and parents were grouped all together in one cluster, and these other people were off in a corner, arms crossed and pissed off faces, all by themselves.

It took me a day or so to process all that had taken place. I watched and observed and the truth came out from the question that had been weighing on my mind. Not just for me to see, but for multiple people around me to see as well.

Some time had passed until we had another game. (A cooling off period was probably a good idea.) This family, as well as their extended family, showed up to the next game like nothing ever happened. (Personally, I feel that one’s apology should be as LOUD as one’s disrespect. And in this case, the apology needed to go to the organization as a whole since so many people where witness to the confrontation.)

I share this experience with you to remind you to watch for the signs and symbols that are around you. Look for patterns. Look for things that keep crossing your path. Also, we all have that little voice in our head that offers us advice — if we choose to listen to it. I say, listen to it. That voice doesn’t lie. And if you have something weighing on your mind, ask Spirit to show you an answer or to give you clarity. If you are paying attention, you will get an answer by observing what you hear and see.

Another Mysterious Health Symptom – Food Allergy or another Affinity to My Awakening Process?

I’ve had a slew of medical and mysterious health “symptoms” along my awakening process. I have learned that some of my symptoms have had to do with changes in my body, changes in my energy, or changes in the energy in the solar system or on the planet. I’ve learned that some of my symptoms and even anxiety can have to do with emotions or experiences working themselves to the surface. I have also learned that the “symptoms” can be a nudge from my body when I am venturing off my path or purpose, trying to get me to where I need to be.

I will go long time periods without having any issues and then Boom! Something happens and some medical mystery pops up which is followed by panic, a lot of Google searching, and a slew of doctor visits and tests that lead to, well, nothing that Western Medicine can figure out. In the past, I’ve had medical mysteries last weeks and even months and then disappear.

Today’s Mystery:

This morning was a morning like any other. Before taking the kids to the bus stop, I had my usual coffee and decided to have a banana. Nothing out of the ordinary. I drove to the bus stop (It’s below zero out today).

Before the bus even arrived, it started. My mouth and tongue started to tingle and my lips started to feel funny. My mind automatically goes off the deep end thinking that my throat is closing up. I looked in the mirror to see if there was any swelling. So far, there wasn’t. In the mists of the panic, I couldn’t tell if my throat was closing up or not, or if I was experiencing anxiety. (In these situation, I’ve learned to try to take a moment and evaluate the situation to see if it is really an emergency or anxiety.) I tend to carry a bottle in of water in the car with me (and even Benadryl in my wallet) at all times. I took a few sips of water to make sure that I could swallow. I could. I held off on the Benadryl for now. I hate taking it because then my day is shot by being so tired. I swear that it also wreaks havoc on my thyroid and adrenal glands and messes with my emotions, too.

I called my neighbor to see if she was home. My thought was that maybe if went to her house and chatted for a bit, I’d get my mind off of things and start feeling better. I got her voicemail immediately. I then texted her to see if she was home this morning – she didn’t text back immediately. I didn’t feel that I needed the ER so I circled back to my house. I popped a half of a Benadryl (in the event this was some sort of an allergic reaction) and then I attempted to meditate to try to settle my anxiety.

My neighbor called me back and offered to take me to the doctor or if she could help with anything. We chatted about the things we have been up to later so that helped to calm me as well. She offered to check in on me again later.

Of course the Benadryl, even though I only took half a dose, makes me a feel like I’m walking around in a fog. I tried to work on some journal entries and get some house stuff done. I noticed that my mouth still didn’t feel quite right – like I scraped my tongue on something hard or burnt it. I then noticed that my mouth, lips and even my lower half of my face felt like it was having muscle spasms. (My teeth and gums have been feeling sensitive lately, but I have blamed that on being out of my good toothpaste and using my husband’s instead.)

To make matters more anxious and stressful, my husband is out of town traveling. That adds stress to situations like this because I worry that if I do have a medical situation or end up in the ER, how will the kids be handled once they are home after school or if something happens in the middle of the night.

I had similar sensations to what I had today, once before, like 6 years ago. My tongue had a burning sensation to it for a few days. (I blamed some spicy meal we had at first, but then it lasted for a few days.) My throat felt like it was going to close up, but back then, I didn’t recognize the anxiety. Western medical doctors told me that my sensations might have to do with acid reflux and to take an over the counter 24-antacid and to follow up with an allergist. The allergist couldn’t come up with concrete findings in her allergy testing, besides the fact that I had seasonal allergies and suggested that I take a 24-hr allergy medicine and suggested that I could take up to 2 in a 24/hr period. She also suggested that I carry Benadryl and an EpiPen, but again, no concrete answers on what I was allergic to enough to cause the sensations that I was experiencing.

Further along in my morning, I asked that “if the face and mouth symptoms are not for me, to please put them back in their proper space and time.” (A little Empath trick that I learned to do when trying to determine if the symptoms that I have picked up for really mine or not.) Well, after asking, I still had the symptoms, though they subsided a bit.

As I write this, my ears are buzzing like crazy, (and the face/mouth) has subsided. I also have a tingling in my head. I get the buzzing when Spirit is trying to get my attention. The buzzing is hard for me to tune in to because I do feel so short circuited after the anxiety kicked in. However by having the symptoms changed after I asked (free will) I am calmer in the fact that perhaps this isn’t a medical situation as much as a Spirit situation. I also feel my hands and feet pulsating.

I happened to be in contact with my acupuncturist today, as well as one of my mentors. Some of the reasons that I may be experiencing these symptoms could be:

 – I reached out to a mentor of mine. She did suggest that I could be sensitive to the banana (which I haven’t noticed before, but with my every-changing sensitives, you never know). She suggested that I make sure that I wash my fruits and veggies well.

– She also reminded me that we become more sensitive as we awakening more and become more intuitive. (Something I’ve told others, but forget to remind myself.)

 – The metaphysical emotional meaning as to what I am experiencing with my mouth/lips/tongue: Not speaking truth, sexual shame, not feeling supported to speak up. Not feeling valued. (Time to look for parallels.)

 – Teeth symptoms: Pondering over new information or solutions and pondering new ideas. (Which I have been.)

 – I asked my Acupuncturist what my symptoms could mean in Chinese Medicine. She suggested that it could be “Wind.” (Wind is one of the six external factors of disease – six Qi or six Yin/Six Excesses – that can attack the body, enter the meridians, and cause external diseases.) She said that Wind can cause spasms, coughing, sneezing and itching.

 – I read that the twitching symptoms could have to do with claircognizance “downloads.” These meaning that these downloads are like software or app upgrades on computer devices, except they are happening to a person.

changes aheadFor all that happened today, my day has seemed to fly by. It looks like I have some internal reflecting to do.

I am sharing this experience to help anyone else who is experiencing mysterious ailments and symptoms to not feel alone.  You’re not alone! And you’re not crazy!! You’re just going through an awakening!!

When Parenting and Empath Abilities Collide

Empaths absorb the energy and symptoms of others. When we absorb ailments of others, we take them on as if they are our own. When we take on ailments, we can heal the other person.

mother daughterYesterday my youngest walked in the door from school with what looked to be a dark red patch on her face. Upon further investigation it looked like a rash or a bug bite of some sort. (Never mind we are in the middle of winter here in the Midwest.) She has extremely sensitive skin so I first went through a list of questions asking what she might have put on her face to cause this – lotions, hand sanitizers or soaps at school, etc. She said that it itched and hurt. I tried to figure out when during the day this happened. According to her, it started early in the school day.

We took the necessary steps to ease her symptoms. Within moments of giving her face attention I started to itch around my face and shoulders. I even noticed some hives starting on me. This of course alerted me to ask my daughter if she was itching or bothered in other places and she said “No.”

Itching and hives on ME tend to put me I a bit of an anxious spiral as a person who has had many an unexplained allergic reaction of my own along my awakening process. I used to carry Benadryl and epi pens with me everywhere I went. (At the begging of my awakening process I was popping Benadryl like it was candy, as I was always itching and my throat regularly felt like it was ready to close up.)

When I take on symptoms from others (sometimes I know whose symptoms I have taken on and other times it can be a complete stranger like someone out in a public place or in my neighborhood or somebody’s energy that I am tapping into) my first instinct is to protect myself (so that I don’t absorb what is not mine) and then to send it back to its rightful owner and to put it back in its proper space and time.  (I know that this “wording” may sound crazy to some, but the putting back of the ailments of not mine has been a big help to me.)

When it is your child who is suffering from something you want to do all that you can to make them better. Though my first instinct was to protect myself (“Hello! Anxiety and panic!” as I get worried about allergic reactions for me) but then “Mommy Mode” kicked in and I allowed myself to keep absorbing my daughter’s ailments. (I did ask my angels and guides to help me to not have a medical emergency myself.)

Motherhood and my abilities seems to collide from time to time. I try to do my best and droll with things to the best of my abilities and to thank the Universe along the way.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Are you Trying to Create a New You Around the Same Old People?

I came across this quote, “Stop trying to create a new you around the same old people” and it really resonated with me.

It resonated with me on a personal level.

I currently have multiple social media accounts. Some that I have had for nearly 9 or so years, and others that I created in the last year and a half or so. I feel that the newer accounts are “more me” in the present time, and are connected with people who are more similar to me. People who I relate to. And really, people who have given me a sense of community, even if it has only been in the “social media sphere.”

Just today I was looking back at my original Facebook account. (Not the one associated with this blog.) I have somewhere between 500 and 600 contacts connected on that account – and that number includes the deleting of some contacts as I detoxed my contact list(s) at the start of the New Year. I combed through the contacts and I realized that I probably only relate to about 3% of the contacts that I am connected with on my older account. That three percent is the only group of people who I feel comfortable with being myself around and speaking freely about where I am in life right now. (May I remind you that in the last few years I discovered that I have some metaphysical gifts. That I am an Empath. And that I have come to the realization that I am here to help people heal on some level.) All of these things are the “new me” as opposed to the “old me” who those 500-and-some contact know. Or used to know. Or thought that they knew. I also don’t think that many of these contacts can or want to relate to where I am in this journey we call life.

new youThis realization translates into everyday life for me as well. I have left some groups within my community that I have felt no longer serve me. I know that can sound a little persnickety, but when you no longer enjoy something, or the people associated with it, I have learned that it is time to let it go.

My social circle has also shrunk as I have learned that I don’t fit in with people who I used to. Many times I don’t relate to the conversations taking place. (Small talk isn’t easy for Empaths.) It has been a struggle, but I have learned to put some space between me and people who I don’t relate to. Free time is a rare jewel and I have learned to not waste it with people who I don’t enjoy anymore and who knows. Chances are that they don’t or won’t enjoy the “new me” either.

old newSo I guess that the lesson here is to stop looking for the new me in the old places. And one of those “old places” would be a stale social media account that I have on Facebook. Realistically, I do feel people are always evolving and changing. The person that you are today should be different from the person who you were ten years ago, and the same goes for me. (How boring would it be to stay the same?) By letting go of the old us, we can embrace the new, or present-day us, but we can’t necessarily do that by hanging on to certain people. Sometimes we need new ones in our lives to match where we are today, and to go with the flow of the new us.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

How I Pay Homage to my Passed Loved Ones During the Christmas Season

Angel Tree 2017_bAbout four years ago, I started a new holiday tradition in our family that allows us to remember loved ones who have passed, and allows my children to learn about relatives who they may have never met. Every Christmas I put up what I call our “Angel Tree.”

I am not sure WHERE I got the idea for this, but the thought just popped into my head: I wanted an angel tree! My thought behind it was that I would hang photos of passed loved ones on the tree and then as guests (grandparents, aunts, uncles, close friends, etc.)  arrive to our home on Christmas Day (we usually host) my children would present them with an ornament that has the guest’s written name on it. Together they would then go over to the tree and hang it anywhere on the tree that they would like. This would give our guests an opportunity to reflect on those who have passed and give them a chance to share memories with my children, if they so choose.

I loved the idea of this, but I needed to whip up a tree and its trimmings with only a few weeks to go before Christmas that year. I was determined that I wanted the tree to be gold. I discovered at that time that gold trees were hard to come by and cost a pretty penny. I decided to peruse local garage sale sites and I came across an inexpensive artificial tree with white branches that someone was selling. I decided to purchase it and I intended to spray paint it gold!

I never like driving to places where I have never been before. The tree was located over a half hour away, which seemed like an eternity getting there. I remember asking for “help” from my guides on the way there. Asking for assistance to find where I needed to go. Assistance in being safe. Assistance in liking the tree once I got all of the way there, etc.

Well, long story short, the tree was what I was looking for and in good enough shape, so I purchased it from the seller. On the way home, I had to turn against heavy traffic which I don’t like to do, so I ended up making a right turn, and then a U-turn, to get in the direction I needed to be to head home. Before making the U-turn, I saw a state mileage sign for a major highway that if you took it all of the way, would take you right to my now deceased grandparents’ house. It made me smile. Then on the way home, I kept seeing doves along the power lines on my side of the road. It felt as if they were actually watching me drive past them. I relate doves to symbols from Spirit and I felt comforted and even more relaxed as if some of my past relatives were watching me, or guiding me home from getting the tree.

So now, how did I design my Angel Tree? Well, I first took the white tree to my back yard, laid a tarp down and spray painted the heck out of it with gold spray paint. It was a challenge to find a nice day to do this, as temperatures in the Midwest during this time of year are generally too cold for painting anything outdoors. It took many coats and to this day, it could probably use a few more, but it turned into gilded gold tree.

I then purchased some small 2×3 and 3×3 sized photo frames. I added photos to the frames of loved ones who have passed – some frames with copies of photos, other with photo copies and in cases when I didn’t have a photo, I just printed the person’s name in fancy font on nicer paper and slipped them into the frames. I then attached ribbon to frames so that they could be hung.

The first year that we put the tree out, I used some gold and ivory ornaments and pearl garland strands that I already had laying around. As the years have gone by, I’ve added more ribbons and crystals to really make the tree a statement tree. I have also collected and even made some ornaments that either have an angelic theme to them, or have a symbolic meaning to me like doves, dragonflies and angel wings. We use the same ornaments year-to-year that have our guests’ names on them. We keep them in a gold basket under the tree until they arrive. Every year when I put the tree up, I feel my “angels” with me. I usually have some odd occurrence happen as well, like a light bulb flickering or going out in the room from across the tree. A reminder that they always  with me.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

When you are Reflecting Back What People Don’t Like about Themselves, Seeing Two Deceased Fathers in a Room, and at the End of the Day You Know that the Pot-Stirrer is really stirring the Pot Because She Needs Attention: It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding!

Vibrating higher - NaysayersI recently attended my first family wedding since I became aware that I was going through a Spiritual Awakening Process – the process in which my metaphysical gifts have grown stronger. The only other large event that has taken place since my gifts have gotten stronger was a Memorial Service for a relative. You can read about it here:  https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/when-you-sense-people-in-the-room-turning-on-you-and-it-starts-to-feel-trippy/

As amazed as I was by people’s behavior towards me that evening, I was more stunned by the idea that I already knew that people would be treating me the way they did. I think on some level I thought that I could get through to certain individuals and break down walls and start the family healing that I believe is falling on my shoulders. I talk about that toward the end of a previous blog post. You can read that here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/17/we-are-just-here-to-celebrate-a-wedding-and-that-is-it/

I will happily add that I started to lose some weight a week or so before the wedding and to this day, it is still falling off with really no effort or intention on my part. It is as though my “layer of protection” that I have packed on (you can read about here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/ive-heard-of-the-freshman-fifteen-but-nobody-mentioned-the-awakening-15-to-me/ ) started to melt away as I got confident in myself, the angel messages that I had received and what I had to deal with at this wedding. The weight has continued to come off after as I replay in my head what I observed in people that evening. I have also been more honest with telling some people around me about my gifts, which I believe has assisted in dropping the weight as well.

So, about the wedding… (Which was really beige and not white, by the way.)

While getting ready for the wedding, I had some down time and I used that time to center myself, go over what I needed to do (radiate my light and spread love to those around me. This is the message that I got from my Guides a few weeks back.) I talked to my “spiritual team” (Guides and Angels) and even performed some Reiki on myself. I

Pyrite rose gold
My handbag, Rose Quartz and Pyrite.

knew that my grandmother, (my father’s mother) would be walking along side of me that evening. I’ve known it for months.  I was as ready as I was going to be. I was calm and relaxed and ready for whatever was going to come my way. I threw some crystals in my purse. I took rose quarts and pyrite. (Rose quartz is the stone of the heart, a crystal of unconditional love that carries a soft feminine energy of compassion and peace, tenderness and healing, nourishment and comfort. Pyrite is a protector of negative energy as well as a stone that give a confidence boost.) I performed my usual energy protection rituals and then we were off. There was a shuttle bus that could have taken us to the wedding venue, but we chose to drive by ourselves.

My husband and I arrived at the chapel prior to my parents and sister. We grabbed a seat and saved room for others to join us as the seats were filling up fast. We had a row further back. I was in the corner but felt it was a comfortable space where I could observe from. We got a wave from some members of my Uncle’s side of the family toward the front row, but no body offered for us to move up, which was fine, we don’t feel we are the first tier of people to be up in front anyway.

While waiting, I saw my cousin Ann*, my second cousin Lynn* and her mother, Auntie J.* walk in.

Beautiful-form-of-communication.-640x640My husband was standing in the aisle while I was sitting in the pew. Lynn walked by and gave my husband a quick hug and tried to scoot by with just a  wave and a hello to me, but I got up and greeted her with a hug. Then I see her mother, Auntie J.  I went up to her and she let me hug her, but then I go to kiss her on the cheek and she turned away. I noticed what has happened but carry on without missing a beat. As that was taking place, my cousin Ann said a side-ways “hello” more to my husband, than to me, and tried to walk behind everyone and avoid me. I moved closer to her and hugged her and said, “It’s great to see you.” She murmured the same back and walked to the front of the church where my uncle’s side of the family was seated. I can honestly say that I treated each lady with love and respect from the get-go that evening.

Next my parents arrived. They squeezed in and my mother asked where my sister is. She walks in (she arrived with the first three gals, but stopped off at the ladies room) and my mother called for her to sit by us. I gave her a hug as she sat down near my mother and me. I could tell that she was irritated that she had to sit by me and my parents, as she would have preferred to sit up front with the cousins, but let’s be honest, your parents come first. At one point my cousin Ann motions to my sister that there is room where they are sitting up front, but then my mom chimed in and asked if there was room for all of us, and that ended that. You could see my sister’s disgust in her body language as she realized that she was “stuck” with us for the ceremony.

As the ceremony is ready to get started, I saw my Uncle, the father of the groom, and we make eye contact. I give both him and the groom’s brother a hello as they pass by and see me.  They weren’t sure what to make of my “hello” but wave back.

Before and during the ceremony, no matter what I would say to my sister to attempt to make conversation, she would say the opposite. I would say left, she’d say right, I’d mention up, she’d say down.  No matter what I tried to do to get anywhere with her, I couldn’t so I took a break from trying until later in the evening.

The ceremony was very nontraditional and had more of a “comedy” theme to it. Others seemed to relate to the inside jokes that were said and the tone of the ceremony. Though it was a nice ceremony I didn’t connect with it, but I reminded myself that I didn’t relate to many of the people who were in the chapel and vice versa, they didn’t understand me in the least bit, but all of that was OK. We were there to celebrate the marriage of a bride and groom who were starting their life out together. It didn’t matter what the rest of us thought. It was their day. The day was how THEY want it to be. Outside opinions didn’t matter.

Once the ceremony concluded, we stepped outside and waited for the bride and groom to come out of the chapel. My parents, husband and I greeted my Aunt and Uncle (the mother and father of the groom). All four of us exchanged hugs and handshakes are exchanged and we are told “Thank you for coming.” My initial thought was, “Great! Everyone is acting cordial.”

While waiting for the couple to come out, I saw my Uncle’s sister-in-law. We’ll call her “Pat*”. Pat had a really cute dress and flats on and I complimented her on her dress and shoes. She commented back, referring to the wedges that I was wearing, about how she followed the rules on the wedding invite and wore flats as suggested, to the outdoor venue. Her comment seemed a bit icy, but I believed the comment had more to do with her, wishing she didn’t wear the flats, than with me.

On the way to the tented reception, I stopped off to the ladies room. There I made small talk with strangers who were in there. I am one who normally will make small talk with strangers and offer a smile or lift them up with a compliment. As I looked in the mirror, I could see (and feel) that I was still vibrating high.

On my way out of the ladies room, my sister and cousin Ann walk past my husband not acknowledging him until they saw me and then they said something. I let it go and made some light-hearted comment back and we headed toward the reception tent.

Once in the tent, we got our table assignments. My husband (the only male who would be at our table) and I were going to be seated with my sister, Ann, Lynn and Auntie J. My parents were seated at a different table. I could see the disappointment on my husband and father’s faces that they weren’t going to get to sit together. I could also sense my mother’s dismay as well.  I decided that we weren’t going to sit down quite yet and visit around the room first, but I also made sure that we acknowledge those who were at our table prior to sitting down. My husband and I took the long way toward our table and stopped at the bar first. I filled him in on what I had seen/sensed from other’s actions towards me at the church. To a certain degree he doesn’t see or understand fully what I see and feel as he is not an Intuitive Empath or a Highly Sensitive Person like I am.

We stopped by the bar and I asked for a cranberry and tonic. I made a point to not drink alcohol about 5 days before the wedding, as well as to not drink at the wedding for two reasons: Alcohol can block the flow of spiritual gifts. (Five days might not sound like much to some, but I feel like almost every day an excuse pops up to have a drink – a glass of wine on the patio, a drink out with the girls, a cocktail after the kids are in bed, etc.) Also, coming from a family tree of heavy drinkers, I decided that I didn’t need anyone accusing me of acting a “certain way” because maybe I had too much to drink.

On the way to the bar I saw a man’s face that seemed to transform into Lynn’s father’s face, who had passed. The face gave me a deep, knowing look into my eyes. I let it pass. Sort of questioning it.

While at the bar, Pat’s husband came up and talked to me and my husband. All was fine. We just made small talk. Also while in line I see my aunt and uncle’s sister in law, Jilly*. Jilly (as well as Pat) have a history or coming up to me at family events, especially Jilly, if they are the current target of negativity, or on the outs with, well shall we say, may Aunt Marie,* the mother of the groom. In the past, when they have been short on people to “chat” with at family functions, they will chat it up with me to kill time. That wasn’t happening at this function. But when you have been the target before, you don’t want to piss off the Ring Leader, so you abide by the “rules” and follow suit. This cycle of icing somebody out has happened for generations. It happened with my Great Grandmother, my grandmother and great aunt, and with my aunt and cousins now. Jilly and I never had a problem making conversation before but while in line at the bar, I said hello, gave her a hug and complimented her on the jacket she had on. In an adverse tone, and no eye contact, she replied, “Thanks, my daughters picked it out.” And turned her back and walked away. That was that. She was done.

I made a stop at our table before I made my way over to check out the dessert table and found some cute, older gals standing by a heater to try to keep warm. (It was not quite 50 degrees out and raining.) We chatted it up a bit. I enjoyed their smiles and warm energy, no pun intended.

After viewing the dessert table, I stopped by my mother who is trying to get organized at her assigned table. Her and my father’s seats keep getting pushed down further to the end of the table as Pat was organizing who should sit where. I tried to make small talk with Pat and my mother, but Pat didn’t make eye contact with me and tried to zip a zinger comment my way to make me “feel dumb” which I was aware of. At that point, I just moved on.

Since we are lacking family photos as a whole and we were all dressed up, my mother found a nice back drop and takes some photos in front of. We called my sister over so that she could join us.  While this was taking place, I could feel the negative energy and comments from those hanging out at the table we are to be seated at in a bit.

FB_IMG_1520543985906After my mom was done with taking photos, my sister and dad start talking by the DJ’s table. I went up and tried to join in the conversation. My husband eventually joined as well. No matter what conversation starter I asked my sister, the harsh, snippy responses were thrown back in my direction. I almost asked her what was wrong, why the tone, is there something that I did? The look on the face and body language couldn’t be ignored either, but then I remembered, we were just there for a wedding. If I asked too much, I might have gotten a negative reaction and we didn’t need to make a spectacle. I just let it be. At the end of the day, I knew that her issues are her own and they have to do with the way that my parents raised us differently, under the same roof. I was raised in such a way that I became more independent and she was the one who was (and still is) always coddled and never confronted for her actions. I have also learned that she uses her body language as a way to get attention as the victim. Victims play the victim for the sake of attention.

It was finally time to sit down for dinner. As we sat down, I caught a glimpse of what looked like and reminded me of Ann’s father who had passed. I saw him look over at me and I sensed that deep knowing look.  I knew he was there. Once we sat, I sensed the awkwardness kicking in, heads were down and everyone focused on their plates. It was more than a resting bitch face for some. In some cases, it was also the shoulders slumped forward.  I decide to just take the lead and nip the awkward silence in the bud. I paid particular attention to MY own body language making sure that I was “open” to others and not closed off. I started with Ann. I ask, “Ann, how are the kids doing?” and in response to my question, I got an abrupt and angered “Fine, how are yours?” back. I saw Lynn’s eyes pop out of her head so I knew that I wasn’t playing up the dramatics of the tone that was used. Ann dialed it back a bit and asked me, “How are yours?” I kept my gentle tone consistent and explained some of my kids’ recent activities and then moved on to Lynn and asked about her son and she showed some photos from his Senior Prom.

I sat at the table with my arms open under the table and my palms facing upward. I recall during the speeches literally sending love and a bright white light to those at my table. I saw the gentleman who looked like Lynn’s father pass by again. I got the long gaze as he came by. I struggled with what to do with that, but clearly at this point in time, and after watching people’s behavior, my thoughts were that nobody was ready to accept the gifts that I have or the messages that could be delivered because they’d be coming from me. I do think that Lynn’s father popped up twice to me because her mother was also at the table. Though they were divorced when he passed, I know that there is still love and hurt there. Better yet, I think that Lynn’s son’s soul is that of her brother that passed away at birth. Again, nobody is ready to hear this.

b3780144a617e2bc4566222df14fbf26I tried to chat with my sister a few more times while we were still sitting at dinner. I asked her questions about her work, her dog, and so forth. Still, not getting very far. While at the table I couldn’t help but to notice the “looks” back and forth between Lynn and Ann throughout the evening. At times I see my sister looking at Ann and Lynn’s non-verbal communication, but I could tell that she’s not in on it. She was more the third wheel that was used when they needed a bigger team. I particularly picked up on the looks and vibes whenever my dad walked up. (My poor father kept trying to come over and talk to my husband because he had little conversation at his table and equally felt bad for my husband.)

Eventually, the bride and groom danced their first dance together. They danced to what was my deceased Aunt and Uncle’s song – Ann’s parents. When the song is over, I literally saw my aunt and uncle joined together and waving at me as the song concluded. I smiled and thanked them.

At some point my sister, Lynn and Ann go off and dance. I felt bad for Auntie J. being left alone so my husband and I stayed seated at the table. At one point, when the ladies returned to the table, I was taken aback at what I saw. I saw a gray color around them – their auras, I was seeing the same color on all of them. It was like I was seeing their hurt and their “toxicity.” (An aura is the outline energy field of the body. A gray or dark aura reveals someone to have unclear intention. It can also indicate an unforgiving nature (to self or others), past life problems, unreleased anger, grief or health problems.)

My husband and I danced to a slow song. My father grabbed Ann for the dance. I know why my father did it. Ann is a connection to my deceased Aunt for him, as she was her daughter. She was uncomfortable with it, but that had more to do with her actions than his.

After dancing, I saw my Aunt Maria sitting by herself watching the dance floor. I thought that it would be a good time to go over and try to say something to her. After all, things seemed fine when we walked out of the chapel. I bent down and told her, “Today was really nice, don’t you think?” She turned halfway, gave me a glare and replied, “Yeah, thanks.” And turned her back toward me. I bent down again, thinking I would try again, but decided to just leave it.

32452343_365986140589779_1026768973569458176_nI know that she is the pot-stirrer of this whole current family mess.  In all fairness, she grew up around similar actions. (When you know better, you do better.) I  know that she harbors a lot of anger and resentment which if not released, will turn into disease. I believe it will be bone cancer if she doesn’t break the cycle. I also known that when people stir the pot, they are doing so to put attention on them. For whatever reason THEY need attention so they try to get it by creating drama.

At that moment, I remember thinking to myself that I was thankful (for the first time in my life) for a girl who I went to school with – The Prom Queen. She was also a pot-stirrer and she was great at getting the room to turn on a person. I didn’t realize until now that the aggravation that she caused me years ago actually prepared me for moments like these.

At this point in the evening, I felt that I had only gotten as far as I was going to get with people in the room and that it was time to go. My mom gave me a strange look when I told her that my husband and I were saying our good byes and heading out. (My dad on the other hand was wishing that he could leave with us.)

I realize that my parents are trying to keep their noses clean in this family drama situation. My Aunt Maria is my father’s only living original family member left left so they don’t want to ruin that. Never mind that my father was taught his whole life to keep his head down and to avoid conflict. With that said, if people were treating my sister that evening the way that they were treating me, he would have been all over it making phone calls and having conversations behind the scenes to try to fix things on her behalf. I need to chalk it up to: My parents think that I am independent and can handle this.

Before leaving, we look for my Uncle to say “goodbye” to. I never got confirmation (yet) on the watch that my uncle was wearing at the wedding, but I have a feeling that someday in the future I will. (Refer back to my previous blog.) He was very pleasant and appreciative. A very different energy than my Aunt’s Marie’s. He put his hand on my back when we left and I felt his energy towards me – the energy of touch means more than words.

I am glad that we drove separately and didn’t take the shuttle back to the hotel. It turns out that Lynn was running her mouth on the bus ripping the ceremony and wedding apart with the bride two seats away from her. Definitely not the final words a Bride wants to end her special day on.

The next day, word gets to me that some thought that I was acting “fake” at the wedding and Ann had felt the need to reference me as “someone who flaunts their sainthood in order to find their horns.” At the end of the day I know that people’s issues are their own and their behaviors have to do with how they are really feeling about themselves. Empaths are mirrors to others. We reflect back to others what they don’t like about themselvesempaths reflect back and what they need to change or to work on. Let’s also remember that empaths don’t do fake.

If I was acting out of my normal range, my husband would have been the first to call me out on it, right then and there on it. I know in my heart that I was acting authentically.

I also realize that I vibrate higher than those I was around at the wedding. As a rule, when you vibrate higher, toxic people fall away from you. They also don’t know how to approach you. (I have learned this along my awakening journey.)

Later that morning, when it was time to head back home, I closed the hotel room door behind me. Before doing so, I paused for a moment. It felt symbolic. Like I was turning a page or even closing a book cover. Perhaps some family healing was put into motion the day of the wedding. Only time will tell.

*Names and some timeline order of events have been changed to protect people’s privacy.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

An Empath Can Never Have Too Much Space Between Them and Negative or Toxic People

As an Empath, it can be challenging to manage your energy, especially when you are in settings where there is a negative or toxic person or group of people. I have found that the simply moving away from the source of negativity does wonders for me.

What is a negative or toxic person you ask? Well, they tend to be people who have issues with maintaining relationships. They judge others, dwell on the past, have anger issues, they can never be wrong and tend to be brown-nosers.

These types of people like to be the center of attention even if it is negative attention. They will do anything to get you to pay attention to them and see their point of view even if they tell you lies or fib to you.  They also tend to leverage themselves into a position where people have but no choice but to pay attention to them.

Negative or toxic people tend to either stir up drama or feed off of others, and at times will even help it to manifest. They manipulate, they like to control, and they like to withhold information that can be a benefit to others. They also like to blame others for their circumstances.

Do you know anyone who fits this bill?? A relative? A co-worker? A hair-dresser? A class-mate? A stage mother? A sports parent? A drinking buddy?

It is nearly impossible to avoid negative or toxic people all together, especially at social gatherings, in the workplace, at school or church functions, or at your child’s extracurricular activities. As an empath, physical closeness can increase the absorption of a negative person’s feelings or energy. With that said, I have found it extremely effective to distance myself physically from such people. And by distancing I mean at least twenty feet or more. In cramped quarters, that isn’t always possible but in the least, it is helpful to avoid as much contact as possible with negative or toxic people. Give yourself permission to change where you are sitting, stand on a different side of the room, or take frequent breaks from the crowd if need be. Sure, it can come off looking anti-social or snobby, but I have let go of being worried about what other people think as my own energy, or how I feel physically, outweighs other people’s opinions. And really, if it is a negative person that one is trying to avoid, that person isn’t giving you a second (positive) thought anyway. Right?

Ever Since I was a Child, I get Overly Emotional at Parades

Ever since I was a child, I can recall crying at parades. My first memory of this goes back to somewhere between 7 or 8 years old. I recall standing along the curbside a few blocks from my house anticipating how much candy might be thrown my way at an annual town celebration parade.

On one particular day in the month of June, I recall it being early in the morning, maybe around 9am, the sun just to the right of me, I stood waiting for the parade to start. My parents and sister were near me, along with many familiar faces as the town I grew up in was a small, Midwestern town.

The beginning of theparade parade. like most parades, was marked with a police car and a fire truck. I recall the firetruck at the beginning of the parade, starting its siren to announce the start of the parade. A jolt of excitement ran through my body as the siren blew. Then I experienced a cycle of me smiling, eyes welling up with tears, happiness overcoming me, a sense of pride, and then…the cycle would start all over again when service men and woman would march by,  or the Shriners would zip their small cars  around the street, or a marching band would stop in its tracks and play a song for spectators.

I was never scared at parades, and it wasn’t the loud noises bringing tears to my eyes. The tears weren’t that of being frightened or even sad. I recall having the knowledge that the tears that I had in my eyes were that of “happy tears” to the best of my description at that age.

It wasn’t until a few years ago I put the pieces together and realized that there was a reason for the tears at parades. (I still find tears coming to my eyes at parades even now in adulthood.) I have learned that I am an Empath and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Yes, that is a real term, a Highly Sensitive Person.

Empaths can “feel” and pick up on the emotions of people around them, and people who are “Highly Sensitive” are more aware of and affected by external stimuli than non-HSPs. They are often empaths and internalize everything more deeply — from social interactions to emotions to physical and visual sensations.

You can learn more about traits of an Empath here: https://themindunleashed.com/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

You can learn more about HSP traits here: https://www.ourheritageofhealth.com/are-you-a-highly-sensitive-person-10-signs-you-might-have-this-inherited-trait/

Wrap all of this together and at places like parades, I am soaking up the excitement and energy from the music, the crowd around me as well as the swirl of emotions that is taking place when service men and woman and first responders walk by or an honored community member who was picked to be the grand marshal.

In recent years I have learned different techniques to shield or protect myself from the energies around me. I will say that I have NOT YET perfected protecting myself fully at large, energetic events like parades, but I am doing better.

To this day, I still cry at parades (as well as at theater play performances,  or when the Anthem is sung in front of a large crowd,  at Superbowl half time performances, and even during large firework displays.) I find the energy to be overwhelming, but in a good way.

I’ve heard of the “Freshman Fifteen” but Nobody Mentioned the “Awakening 15” to Me!

scaleIt is fair to say that my “Awakening” started at least two to three years ago to my knowledge. And with the Awakening has come many health issues, symptoms, including fatigue, and last but not least, weight gain. Nobody mentioned the weight gain to me! I have honestly packed on nearly 15. It may not sound like much to some, BUT it is noticeable to me and my wardrobe.

I have gone through ups and downs with weight, including post-baby weight. I’m also not a Spring Chicken anymore so things do change, but in the first year of me knowing I was in the Awakening process I probably gained 5 pounds. (Not horrible.) But this past two years I have packed on another 10!!! I go through my phases of exercising and physical activity but when I am off the wagon, as I am now, it is so hard to climb back on.

I know that there is a lot playing into this weight gain. Never mind the fatigue that I have experienced from my body changing or re-wiring itself over the past few years. Or the fatigue I experience after the Adrenalin rush of a spirit anxiety attack. And then, as an empath, I can take on different symptoms, like fatigue, from other people.  I know that extra weight is used as a protection mechanism.

I have read that during the Awakening process that the body can feel an influx of energies that are unfamiliar to it, and when the body is confused, or feels under attack, it seeks to defend itself, and one way it does that is by creating another layer of energy for protection – a.k.a. fat.  The body will use fat or mass in order to block out unfamiliar energies. I suppose that this makes sense, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I like it.

I have also learned that emotionally, we sometime put on weight like a layer of protection. We use it like bubble warp from the world. (I suppose keeping an awakening and spiritual gifts from others around you would potentially call for the feeling of extra protection.)

Then there are the cravings and coping mechanisms of food. Carbs are my favorite. Then sugar and salt like to work hand and hand. Alcohol is also my friend. Besides there is always a reason to be having a drink. (Right now it is patio drinking season.) Patio Drinking Season usually follows Halloween candy (and parties) in the neighborhood, followed by Thanksgiving then the rest of the holidays that seem to be a food fest and surrounded by alcoholic beverages – party as a coping mechanism to deal with family and relatives.

Regardless as to why this is happening to me right now, I feel like I’m helpless. I feel like it is out of my control. And in reality, I am sure that I can or should be able to regain control somehow. Some way.