I have always thought of myself as an honest person. Sure I give little “white lies” to my children as needed, and maybe I don’t always tell my husband “everything” that I bought during a shopping trip, (or really much about ALL of my psychic abilities at this point – yet) but on the whole, I am an honest person, I try to be a person of my word, and I try to my best to help people and to not to hurt them.
Though I have read that “increased integrity” (honesty) is a “symptom” of the Spiritual Awakening process, I am not sure if me noticing my integrity and the integrity (or lack thereof) of those around me is part of my awakening process alone, or if it has something to do with the way that the world itself is “waking up” and taking notice of wrongdoings. I am referring to the lack of integrity that we are taking notice of in places like the entertainment world, the political world, the medical field and in our educational and religious institutions. It is as though the masks are falling away and the truth and B.S. is starting to reveal itself. And for the record, I am far from a perfect person, but lately that kick-in-the-gut-when-something-isn’t-right-feeling keeps showing up for me again and again when I am around certain people, watching certain things or hearing certain information. The kick-in-the-gut-feeling tells me to leave the room, change the channel or to remove myself from the people I am associating with.
I have noticed examples of integrity, or lack thereof, popping up around me, as well as for other people I know. I have a friend who recently witnessed the cracks in authority in her child’s school that she used to trust whole-heartedly. I have another friend who, in recent months, became heartbroken when she witnessed a lack of integrity from her childhood church which she now attends with her family. Another parent I know recently stepped down from his child’s PTO and another family I know removed their child from the sports team that he was part of – all situations had the same thing in common – a lack of integrity. Clearly I am not along, here.
In the last few months, I personally recognized the lack of integrity of a local, non-profit organization that I have belonged to for over five years. In my time with this organization I have seen a few things that have shown (a small number of) members’ true colors here and there, and I just sort of dismissed it and moved on, but recently I witnessed grown adults flat out lying and covering up facts to other adults about a negative situation that happened. Word had also gotten out that some members of the organization were difficult in working alongside another organization at a community event that was held during the holidays last year, among other negative rumblings about the organization throughout the community. During my involvement, I have continually watched some of the organization’s so-called “leaders” stunt the growth of the organization for their own ego(s) and resistance to change – change that could happen for the better of the community that is serves.
None of us have integrity 100% all of the time, but I find it hard to support and be a part of an organization, whether it be a school, a church, a local group,, or even a local sports team that acts like this. And though I’ve dismissed a few things that I have seen in the organization during my time there, I haven’t seen things as ugly and toxic as I have in recent months. I don’t know if part of this has to do with my “gifts” and energy sensitivities, or if the crap is really just coming up to the surface. In the time leading up to me deciding to depart from the organization, I actually had visions (and I still get them) of me walking away from the organization and it imploding behind me. (Like literally exploding, smoke, explosions and all, as I walk away.) I’ve heard through the grapevine that meeting attendance has drastically shrunk at the organization’s monthly meetings so perhaps the vision was not far off. I’ve had conversations with other members who have shared that they feel that it is time for them to also move on, though for some, it hasn’t been easy. What is also interesting that I am seeing is that a majority of those who are sticking around are those who are more toxic or have more toxic personalities. (“Like things” – or like energies – tend to stick together.)
I realize that it is not up to me to judge those who are still “driving the bus” of the organization. When you know better, you do better and most of them don’t know any better. Nor is it up to me to judge those who have decided to stick with the organization – for now. Through my transformation process I have learned that I don’t need to judge, I can just observe and take myself out of the dance. But in the meantime, I can do it with integrity.