When you are Reflecting Back What People Don’t Like about Themselves, Seeing Two Deceased Fathers in a Room, and at the End of the Day You Know that the Pot-Stirrer is really stirring the Pot Because She Needs Attention: It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding!

I sat at the table with my arms open under the table and my palms facing upward. I recall during the speeches literally sending love and a bright white light to those at my table

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Vibrating higher - NaysayersI recently attended my first family wedding since I became aware that I was going through a Spiritual Awakening Process – the process in which my metaphysical gifts have grown stronger. The only other large event that has taken place since my gifts have gotten stronger was a Memorial Service for a relative. You can read about it here:  https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/when-you-sense-people-in-the-room-turning-on-you-and-it-starts-to-feel-trippy/

As amazed as I was by people’s behavior towards me that evening, I was more stunned by the idea that I already knew that people would be treating me the way they did. I think on some level I thought that I could get through to certain individuals and break down walls and start the family healing that I believe is falling on my shoulders. I talk about that toward the end of a previous blog post. You can read that here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/17/we-are-just-here-to-celebrate-a-wedding-and-that-is-it/

I will happily add that I started to lose some weight a week or so before the wedding and to this day, it is still falling off with really no effort or intention on my part. It is as though my “layer of protection” that I have packed on (you can read about here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/ive-heard-of-the-freshman-fifteen-but-nobody-mentioned-the-awakening-15-to-me/ ) started to melt away as I got confident in myself, the angel messages that I had received and what I had to deal with at this wedding. The weight has continued to come off after as I replay in my head what I observed in people that evening. I have also been more honest with telling some people around me about my gifts, which I believe has assisted in dropping the weight as well.

So, about the wedding… (Which was really beige and not white, by the way.)

While getting ready for the wedding, I had some down time and I used that time to center myself, go over what I needed to do (radiate my light and spread love to those around me. This is the message that I got from my Guides a few weeks back.) I talked to my “spiritual team” (Guides and Angels) and even performed some Reiki on myself. I

Pyrite rose gold
My handbag, Rose Quartz and Pyrite.

knew that my grandmother, (my father’s mother) would be walking along side of me that evening. I’ve known it for months.  I was as ready as I was going to be. I was calm and relaxed and ready for whatever was going to come my way. I threw some crystals in my purse. I took rose quarts and pyrite. (Rose quartz is the stone of the heart, a crystal of unconditional love that carries a soft feminine energy of compassion and peace, tenderness and healing, nourishment and comfort. Pyrite is a protector of negative energy as well as a stone that give a confidence boost.) I performed my usual energy protection rituals and then we were off. There was a shuttle bus that could have taken us to the wedding venue, but we chose to drive by ourselves.

My husband and I arrived at the chapel prior to my parents and sister. We grabbed a seat and saved room for others to join us as the seats were filling up fast. We had a row further back. I was in the corner but felt it was a comfortable space where I could observe from. We got a wave from some members of my Uncle’s side of the family toward the front row, but no body offered for us to move up, which was fine, we don’t feel we are the first tier of people to be up in front anyway.

While waiting, I saw my cousin Ann*, my second cousin Lynn* and her mother, Auntie J.* walk in.

Beautiful-form-of-communication.-640x640My husband was standing in the aisle while I was sitting in the pew. Lynn walked by and gave my husband a quick hug and tried to scoot by with just a  wave and a hello to me, but I got up and greeted her with a hug. Then I see her mother, Auntie J.  I went up to her and she let me hug her, but then I go to kiss her on the cheek and she turned away. I noticed what has happened but carry on without missing a beat. As that was taking place, my cousin Ann said a side-ways “hello” more to my husband, than to me, and tried to walk behind everyone and avoid me. I moved closer to her and hugged her and said, “It’s great to see you.” She murmured the same back and walked to the front of the church where my uncle’s side of the family was seated. I can honestly say that I treated each lady with love and respect from the get-go that evening.

Next my parents arrived. They squeezed in and my mother asked where my sister is. She walks in (she arrived with the first three gals, but stopped off at the ladies room) and my mother called for her to sit by us. I gave her a hug as she sat down near my mother and me. I could tell that she was irritated that she had to sit by me and my parents, as she would have preferred to sit up front with the cousins, but let’s be honest, your parents come first. At one point my cousin Ann motions to my sister that there is room where they are sitting up front, but then my mom chimed in and asked if there was room for all of us, and that ended that. You could see my sister’s disgust in her body language as she realized that she was “stuck” with us for the ceremony.

As the ceremony is ready to get started, I saw my Uncle, the father of the groom, and we make eye contact. I give both him and the groom’s brother a hello as they pass by and see me.  They weren’t sure what to make of my “hello” but wave back.

Before and during the ceremony, no matter what I would say to my sister to attempt to make conversation, she would say the opposite. I would say left, she’d say right, I’d mention up, she’d say down.  No matter what I tried to do to get anywhere with her, I couldn’t so I took a break from trying until later in the evening.

The ceremony was very nontraditional and had more of a “comedy” theme to it. Others seemed to relate to the inside jokes that were said and the tone of the ceremony. Though it was a nice ceremony I didn’t connect with it, but I reminded myself that I didn’t relate to many of the people who were in the chapel and vice versa, they didn’t understand me in the least bit, but all of that was OK. We were there to celebrate the marriage of a bride and groom who were starting their life out together. It didn’t matter what the rest of us thought. It was their day. The day was how THEY want it to be. Outside opinions didn’t matter.

Once the ceremony concluded, we stepped outside and waited for the bride and groom to come out of the chapel. My parents, husband and I greeted my Aunt and Uncle (the mother and father of the groom). All four of us exchanged hugs and handshakes are exchanged and we are told “Thank you for coming.” My initial thought was, “Great! Everyone is acting cordial.”

While waiting for the couple to come out, I saw my Uncle’s sister-in-law. We’ll call her “Pat*”. Pat had a really cute dress and flats on and I complimented her on her dress and shoes. She commented back, referring to the wedges that I was wearing, about how she followed the rules on the wedding invite and wore flats as suggested, to the outdoor venue. Her comment seemed a bit icy, but I believed the comment had more to do with her, wishing she didn’t wear the flats, than with me.

On the way to the tented reception, I stopped off to the ladies room. There I made small talk with strangers who were in there. I am one who normally will make small talk with strangers and offer a smile or lift them up with a compliment. As I looked in the mirror, I could see (and feel) that I was still vibrating high.

On my way out of the ladies room, my sister and cousin Ann walk past my husband not acknowledging him until they saw me and then they said something. I let it go and made some light-hearted comment back and we headed toward the reception tent.

Once in the tent, we got our table assignments. My husband (the only male who would be at our table) and I were going to be seated with my sister, Ann, Lynn and Auntie J. My parents were seated at a different table. I could see the disappointment on my husband and father’s faces that they weren’t going to get to sit together. I could also sense my mother’s dismay as well.  I decided that we weren’t going to sit down quite yet and visit around the room first, but I also made sure that we acknowledge those who were at our table prior to sitting down. My husband and I took the long way toward our table and stopped at the bar first. I filled him in on what I had seen/sensed from other’s actions towards me at the church. To a certain degree he doesn’t see or understand fully what I see and feel as he is not an Intuitive Empath or a Highly Sensitive Person like I am.

We stopped by the bar and I asked for a cranberry and tonic. I made a point to not drink alcohol about 5 days before the wedding, as well as to not drink at the wedding for two reasons: Alcohol can block the flow of spiritual gifts. (Five days might not sound like much to some, but I feel like almost every day an excuse pops up to have a drink – a glass of wine on the patio, a drink out with the girls, a cocktail after the kids are in bed, etc.) Also, coming from a family tree of heavy drinkers, I decided that I didn’t need anyone accusing me of acting a “certain way” because maybe I had too much to drink.

On the way to the bar I saw a man’s face that seemed to transform into Lynn’s father’s face, who had passed. The face gave me a deep, knowing look into my eyes. I let it pass. Sort of questioning it.

While at the bar, Pat’s husband came up and talked to me and my husband. All was fine. We just made small talk. Also while in line I see my aunt and uncle’s sister in law, Jilly*. Jilly (as well as Pat) have a history or coming up to me at family events, especially Jilly, if they are the current target of negativity, or on the outs with, well shall we say, may Aunt Marie,* the mother of the groom. In the past, when they have been short on people to “chat” with at family functions, they will chat it up with me to kill time. That wasn’t happening at this function. But when you have been the target before, you don’t want to piss off the Ring Leader, so you abide by the “rules” and follow suit. This cycle of icing somebody out has happened for generations. It happened with my Great Grandmother, my grandmother and great aunt, and with my aunt and cousins now. Jilly and I never had a problem making conversation before but while in line at the bar, I said hello, gave her a hug and complimented her on the jacket she had on. In an adverse tone, and no eye contact, she replied, “Thanks, my daughters picked it out.” And turned her back and walked away. That was that. She was done.

I made a stop at our table before I made my way over to check out the dessert table and found some cute, older gals standing by a heater to try to keep warm. (It was not quite 50 degrees out and raining.) We chatted it up a bit. I enjoyed their smiles and warm energy, no pun intended.

After viewing the dessert table, I stopped by my mother who is trying to get organized at her assigned table. Her and my father’s seats keep getting pushed down further to the end of the table as Pat was organizing who should sit where. I tried to make small talk with Pat and my mother, but Pat didn’t make eye contact with me and tried to zip a zinger comment my way to make me “feel dumb” which I was aware of. At that point, I just moved on.

Since we are lacking family photos as a whole and we were all dressed up, my mother found a nice back drop and takes some photos in front of. We called my sister over so that she could join us.  While this was taking place, I could feel the negative energy and comments from those hanging out at the table we are to be seated at in a bit.

FB_IMG_1520543985906After my mom was done with taking photos, my sister and dad start talking by the DJ’s table. I went up and tried to join in the conversation. My husband eventually joined as well. No matter what conversation starter I asked my sister, the harsh, snippy responses were thrown back in my direction. I almost asked her what was wrong, why the tone, is there something that I did? The look on the face and body language couldn’t be ignored either, but then I remembered, we were just there for a wedding. If I asked too much, I might have gotten a negative reaction and we didn’t need to make a spectacle. I just let it be. At the end of the day, I knew that her issues are her own and they have to do with the way that my parents raised us differently, under the same roof. I was raised in such a way that I became more independent and she was the one who was (and still is) always coddled and never confronted for her actions. I have also learned that she uses her body language as a way to get attention as the victim. Victims play the victim for the sake of attention.

It was finally time to sit down for dinner. As we sat down, I caught a glimpse of what looked like and reminded me of Ann’s father who had passed. I saw him look over at me and I sensed that deep knowing look.  I knew he was there. Once we sat, I sensed the awkwardness kicking in, heads were down and everyone focused on their plates. It was more than a resting bitch face for some. In some cases, it was also the shoulders slumped forward.  I decide to just take the lead and nip the awkward silence in the bud. I paid particular attention to MY own body language making sure that I was “open” to others and not closed off. I started with Ann. I ask, “Ann, how are the kids doing?” and in response to my question, I got an abrupt and angered “Fine, how are yours?” back. I saw Lynn’s eyes pop out of her head so I knew that I wasn’t playing up the dramatics of the tone that was used. Ann dialed it back a bit and asked me, “How are yours?” I kept my gentle tone consistent and explained some of my kids’ recent activities and then moved on to Lynn and asked about her son and she showed some photos from his Senior Prom.

I sat at the table with my arms open under the table and my palms facing upward. I recall during the speeches literally sending love and a bright white light to those at my table. I saw the gentleman who looked like Lynn’s father pass by again. I got the long gaze as he came by. I struggled with what to do with that, but clearly at this point in time, and after watching people’s behavior, my thoughts were that nobody was ready to accept the gifts that I have or the messages that could be delivered because they’d be coming from me. I do think that Lynn’s father popped up twice to me because her mother was also at the table. Though they were divorced when he passed, I know that there is still love and hurt there. Better yet, I think that Lynn’s son’s soul is that of her brother that passed away at birth. Again, nobody is ready to hear this.

b3780144a617e2bc4566222df14fbf26I tried to chat with my sister a few more times while we were still sitting at dinner. I asked her questions about her work, her dog, and so forth. Still, not getting very far. While at the table I couldn’t help but to notice the “looks” back and forth between Lynn and Ann throughout the evening. At times I see my sister looking at Ann and Lynn’s non-verbal communication, but I could tell that she’s not in on it. She was more the third wheel that was used when they needed a bigger team. I particularly picked up on the looks and vibes whenever my dad walked up. (My poor father kept trying to come over and talk to my husband because he had little conversation at his table and equally felt bad for my husband.)

Eventually, the bride and groom danced their first dance together. They danced to what was my deceased Aunt and Uncle’s song – Ann’s parents. When the song is over, I literally saw my aunt and uncle joined together and waving at me as the song concluded. I smiled and thanked them.

At some point my sister, Lynn and Ann go off and dance. I felt bad for Auntie J. being left alone so my husband and I stayed seated at the table. At one point, when the ladies returned to the table, I was taken aback at what I saw. I saw a gray color around them. Not so much their aura, but more like their skin, hair and bodies, it was like I saw their “toxicity.” (To me, an aura is more the outline energy field of the body and not the body itself.)

My husband and I danced to a slow song. My father grabbed Ann for the dance. I know why my father did it. Ann is a connection to my deceased Aunt for him. She was uncomfortable with it, but that had more to do with her actions than his.

After dancing, I saw my Aunt Maria sitting by herself watching the dance floor. I thought that it would be a good time to go over and try to say something to her. After all, things seemed fine when we walked out of the chapel. I bent down and told her, “Today was really nice, don’t you think?” She turned halfway, gave me a glare and replied, “Yeah, thanks.” And turned her back toward me. I bent down again, thinking I would try again, but decided to just leave it.

32452343_365986140589779_1026768973569458176_nI know that she is the pot-stirrer of this whole current family mess.  In all fairness, she grew up around similar actions. (When you know better, you do better.) I  know that she harbors a lot of anger and resentment which if not released, will turn into disease. I believe it will be bone cancer if she doesn’t break the cycle. I also known that when people stir the pot, they are doing so to put attention on them. For whatever reason THEY need attention so they try to get it by creating drama.

At that moment, I remember thinking to myself that I was thankful (for the first time in my life) for a girl who I went to school with – The Prom Queen. She was also a pot-stirrer and she was great at getting the room to turn on a person. I didn’t realize until now that the aggravation that she caused me years ago actually prepared me for moments like these.

At this point in the evening, I felt that I had only gotten as far as I was going to get with people in the room and that it was time to go. My mom gave me a strange look when I told her that my husband and I were saying our good byes and heading out. (My dad on the other hand was wishing that he could leave with us.)

I realize that my parents are trying to keep their noses clean in this family drama situation. My Aunt Maria is my father’s only living original family member left left so they don’t want to ruin that. Never mind that my father was taught his whole life to keep his head down and to avoid conflict. With that said, if people were treating my sister that evening the way that they were treating me, he would have been all over it making phone calls and having conversations behind the scenes to try to fix things on her behalf. I need to chalk it up to: My parents think that I am independent and can handle this.

Before leaving, we look for my Uncle to say “goodbye” to. I never got confirmation (yet) on the watch that my uncle was wearing at the wedding, but I have a feeling that someday in the future I will. (Refer back to my previous blog.) He was very pleasant and appreciative. A very different energy than my Aunt’s Marie’s. He put his hand on my back when we left and I felt his energy towards me – the energy of touch means more than words.

I am glad that we drove separately and didn’t take the shuttle back to the hotel. It turns out that Lynn was running her mouth on the bus ripping the ceremony and wedding apart with the bride two seats away from her. Definitely not the final words a Bride wants to end her special day on.

The next day, word gets to me that some thought that I was acting “fake” at the wedding and Ann had felt the need to reference me as “someone who flaunts their sainthood in order to find their horns.” At the end of the day I know that people’s issues are their own and their behaviors have to do with how they are really feeling about themselves. Empaths are mirrors to others. We reflect back to others what they don’t like about themselvesempaths reflect back and what they need to change or to work on. Let’s also remember that empaths don’t do fake.

If I was acting out of my normal range, my husband would have been the first to call me out on it, right then and there on it. I know in my heart that I was acting authentically.

I also realize that I vibrate higher than those I was around at the wedding. As a rule, when you vibrate higher, toxic people fall away from you. They also don’t know how to approach you. (I have learned this along my awakening journey.)

When it was time to head back home, I closed the hotel room door behind me. Before doing so, I paused for a moment. It felt symbolic. Like I was turning a page or even closing a book cover. Perhaps some family healing was put into motion the day of the wedding. Only time will tell.

*Names and some timeline order of events have been changed to protect people’s privacy.

We are Just Here to Celebrate a Wedding – and That is It.

She reminds me that I glow with love and that I can’t get mad. (Basically because I am radiating love and light.) She also mentions that maybe it is up to me to heal the family and to break the negative cycle.

outdoor weddingWhen those with gifts are close to a situation or the situation is about us, we can’t always bet a read on it. I myself can feel a block where I don’t receive information and other times I feel my brain getting in the way and filling in the blanks or re-writing what I get.

Today I had a visit with my “massage therapist” (that is how I refer to her when it comes to my husband) who really is a reiki master as well as a kind, gentle woman who has many other spiritual gifts. I should just really drop the word “massage” and refer to her as my “therapist” because every time I leave from a visit, I am 100x better emotionally, physically and spiritually than when I showed up.

Before each appointment starts, Mrs. A. (as we’ll call her) will ask me, “What are we working on today.” Sometimes I will point out an area where I have been experiencing chronic pain, other times I will discuss with her my latest health issues or health mysteries and then there are times like today, where physically I am feeling fine for the most part but I have something going on behind the scenes that I need to get off my chest or I am seeking answers for. Walking in today I feel rather fine. I have been feeling like I have been floating on air as I was recently Reiki Level 1 attuned. Today, the only thing I see in front of me is an upcoming family wedding. To most, it sounds like a fun time, but in this case, I have an interesting cast of characters who I will be coming in contact with. Many of whom left me with a very negative feeling the last time I saw them.

I describe what happened in this blog past: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/when-you-sense-people-in-the-room-turning-on-you-and-it-starts-to-feel-trippy/

As the time has drawn nearer for this event, I have found it hard to lose the ten pounds that I was hoping to lose (emotional protection), I have found it more difficult than usual to find something to wear, which isn’t like me. (I chalk it up to I don’t know what I am walking in to.) And lastly, my husband would prefer to not even go but since this is my side of the family, I make the final call. And though my new motto is, “I am down to weddings and funerals” for those who either cause me pain, drama or don’t serve my highest good, I know that if I don’t show up to this event, that would be the nail in the coffin that could finish my relationship with this side of the family, and I don’t know what the repercussions could be in the future that I may regret.

I share my concerns with Mrs. A. on how I don’t know how to handle going to the wedding. I don’t know what I will be walking in to or how people will react to me.  I also give her tid-bits and quick back stories as they relate to my Aunt and a cousin, to name a few. I have caught visions of this event but I question if I am “making things up or not.” (I still have an issue on trusting what I get, especially when I am related to the situation.) I am confident that I will have guides and loved ones from the other side walking with me that evening so that has given me hope.

Mrs. A. has spiritual gifts as well and can get a reading on things. She paused for a moment and tells me that their problem is not me. It is their issue(s). I relaxed a bit when I heard that. She pointed out that I don’t connect with them and they equally don’t understand me, but that is OK. She also reminded me that we are all different and that is a good thing. How boring if we were all the same.

During my secession, Mrs. A. had me close my eyes and try to relax. We chat about what stones I should wear or carry at the wedding. She suggests Pyrite and rose quarts. The rose quarts is to remind me to show love while I am there. (Pyrite has protective vibes, helps with self-confidence and can provide a more powerful vibration.)  When I finally get my head clear and in a relaxed state (which I is never quick for me) I found myself in a sandy area with the sun behind me Sort of like approaching twilight, but not quite. She prompted me and asked what I was wearing. I was barefoot and dressed in what looked to be a long flowy dress sort of like what a belly dancer would wear but I wasn’t showing my stomach and there weren’t any gold decorative coins sewn on it. It was more conservative. I even had something draped on my head. I was sitting in the sand.

snakeShe asked what I saw in front of me. I saw a basket, sort of like the type you see a snake start dancing out of. Low and behold there was a snake. It was moving back and forth, not in a scary way, but in a rhythmic way. I pointed out to Mrs. A that I didn’t feel threatened by the snake or feel that I was in danger. She said “good! I am glad that you don’t see this as a negative thing because it is not!”

She asked me to look closer at the snake and describe it. I told her that I could see the scales up close and then I looked into the eyes. The eyes weren’t scary though. I told her they remind me of looking into my dog’s eyes. There was a gentle feel to them.

Mrs. A. chimed in and said, “So they look like unconditional love?”

I responded with a “yes!” And then add, “Like my relatives love me unconditionally.”

The vision ended with me scooping up the basket (snake and all) and carrying it under my arm. I walked down the sand, which felt like it had water running alongside of it so I feel like I am walking away down a beach toward what is now a sunset.

Mrs. A. asks me what I look like as I am walking away. I tell her that I feel that I am confident and wise as I walk away. (I snickered at the “wise” part as it felt conceded to say.) She asked if I was looking behind me when I was walking. I firmly felt that no, I am not looking behind me, just forward. Right then and there it hits me. The past is the past. I am not looking back there anymore.

Once I process that a bit, Mrs. A. has me picture myself at the wedding and asks me what I see.

I saw a large round table with a spot light beaming down to illuminate the table top. There were 8 or 10 chairs around it. I was the only one sitting at the table, with my back to the corner of the room. The rest of the chairs were empty. It was as if I was in the corner observing the room and the dance floor in front of me. The room itself was dark except where the spot light was illuminating my table.

Mrs. A. then tells me to switch seats so that I am sitting with my back to the dance floor. She asks me who is coming up to me while I am sitting. I sense that it is my uncle (the husband to the aunt who is the source of issues and drama). I have never had an issue with this uncle but due to whatever fall-out took place that changed my aunt to be negative towards me, I haven’t really had much of a relationship with him in the last year or so. In my vision, my uncle starts out by clearing his throat. I mention that to Mrs. A and she says that clearing of the throat is like trying to clear a throat chakra. (Wow! How interesting!! I never put two and two together.) She asks me to describe what we are talking about. I tell her that he is asking me what has happened. (Meaning with my Aunt.) Why are things the way they are? I tell him, he nods, and then we part ways with everything being fine and calm between us.

Mrs. A. asks who comes in next. I tell her I see my sister. She walks up and pulls up a chair next to me and sits down. Mrs. A. adds that my sister looks excited and is talking a lot, like she’s had a few drinks. I told her that I agree, that is what I am seeing. She asks me who comes up to us while we are talking. I say I think that it is my Dad. He comes up to us, says a smart-ass comment and leaves. My sister rolls her eyes. Mrs. A. keeps encouraging me and says, “Yes, you are right!” She then asks me,  “What is your sister so excited about? What is she telling you?”

Well, at this point, my brain starts to interfere and want to fill in the blanks. I presume she wants to bitch about my parents. (Mrs. A. says, “No!”) I tried really hard but didn’t get anything more out of her. Mrs. A. said that I will just have to wait until the wedding to find out.

wedding_vendor_dance_floor_luxury_interview_occasionlabcom_7Next she asks me if I see a white light. I say, “Yes.” She asks me where the light is and I tell her it is on the dance floor. She tells me to go there. As I am walking to the dance floor she points out what I am wearing. She points out that my dress is flowing and I am gliding or floating with ease and confidence. I start to slow-dance with my husband on the dance floor. She asks me if people are there and I say that I see them but they look to be in the shadows. I don’t see their faces, maybe just their eyes.

As I dance more, Mrs. A asks if I start to see the people. I say that I do and that they look to be emerging into the light now. I see their faces and they are looking at me smiling. She points out that all is fine and positive with the people around me.

This vision stops and things move on to what looks to be the next day. The day after the wedding. Mrs. A. asks me where I am at. I tell her that I am at the party the morning after. I am the only one there, there are the tables where people sat, chairs scattered about and things left on tables. She asks me how I feel about where I am at. I tell her that I feel good. That it wasn’t that bad. She asked, “sort of like you are reflecting and realized that it wasn’t that bad and that you had fun?” I responded with a “yes!” Mrs. A. then gives me some advice and more of the message: She reminds me that I glow with love and that I can’t get mad. (Basically because I am radiating love and light.) The wedding is not a place for a family fight. And that we are here (at the wedding) to celebrate the bride and groom. She also reminds me that I need to have my wall down so that I can radiate.

Before the secession concluded I did ask Mrs. A to validate a few things that I got in regard to the day of the Wedding just to be sure I wasn’t crazy or making things up. She validated for me that yes, it will be cold the day of the wedding. (The wedding and reception are taking place outdoors.) I asked her if there was a connection between my uncle, a watch and the wedding day. (I’ve picked up on this for over a year now but started to think that I was making it up.) She confirmed that I will get validation at the wedding about this but suggested that I don’t say anything directly as I may freak my Uncle out. It will be too much for him to take in that day. I also ask her if things resolve with my cousin. She confirmed that she will reach out to me in time. I respond back, “Why, because she is looking for a reading from me? And Mrs. A. confirmed yes. I tell her that I am not sure that I want to read for family. (Personally I think that I am going to find it hard to give neutral readings and leave my personal opinion out of things. As of now, I also find it hard to give healing messages to those who have wronged me or talked about me behind my back on numerous occasions. You’ve also heard the expression “don’t shoot the messenger” haven’t you? Well, I don’t need people not liking what information they are getting through a reading though I know that Spirit delivers what needs to be heard. I am just the face of it. The conduit.)

Lastly, I ask her if my aunt and I will make up. In the months previous, I keep getting visions of my aunt coming up to me with tears in her eyes. I see her dressed in like a lavender mother-of-the-groom dress though I don’t believe that she’ll actually be wearing lavender at the wedding. I also don’t see her bringing anything up at the wedding.

Mrs. A. responds with, “Let’s see what you get” and I started another vision. I saw myself in my office with cards laid out. She asked me to do a spread and tell her what I get. (At first I was like, “how is this going to work?” but I just went with it.)

I laid out three cards and I got different symbols. The first one was “Justice” which told me that justice is in my favor with the situation with my Aunt. The next had to do with balance. Then another had to do with blocking. I was the one blocking the healing. For kicks I “pulled” another card in my vision. (I usually pull an extra just to see if there is more to a message.) On the final card was an image of a newly found Guide that I was introduced to a few weeks ago. Her name is Rose. Rose appeared on the card and winked at me. I got the message to observe.

I tell her that I see myself at my Aunt’s house. In her kitchen specifically. Like my Aunt invited me over. We are getting along in my vision. Like we put things behind us. I still feel that I will have her at arm’s length but things will improve from where they are here and now.

My sessions with Mrs. A. never seem to disappoint.

61deba6a24b9c7d066b4753a1e62c05cAs I am walking out, Mrs. A mentions one last thing to me. She mentions that maybe it is up to me to heal the family and to break the negative cycle. (They cycle that someone is always on the outs. The black sheep. The one who is critiqued and picked apart.)

After an appointment with Mrs. A. I always get signs or symbols along the way home that tie back to my secession. On the way home, the song “Amber is the color of your Energy” by 311 came on. The song hasn’t been popular in years and it isn’t one you hear often on the radio.

The lyrics have to do with a woman who is beautiful and sweet that she radiates like the sun… the singer feels her energy and her love.

The “gemstone” Amber, (which is really fossilized resin) possesses very old energy. With this old energy comes the acquired wisdom of the earth! Additionally, it is described as a warm, cheerful, wise, protective, and healing stone. It will discharge all negative moods, and it will deflect negative energies that other people may direct at you.

Either way or meaning(s) translate back to the session that I just had.

Wish me luck.

The big day is in May and we’ll see how things unfold!

 

Journal Entry: March 1, 2017

I asked my guides if I should know anything about the storm(s) that were on their way.

March 1, 2017

Yesterday there were storms in our area in the late afternoon  and throughout the evening. We had warnings all day, and at times in the afternoon, the sky turned that creep shade of green.

Sometimes I start to really “vibrate” when storms come through – it has to do with energy. (I can literally lay in bed sometimes and feel a storm roll through across my body before it gets here.) Other times I can get real nervous before a storm. I think that is the combination of the energy that my kids are giving off when they are scared. I also think that it can sometimes be my guides letting me know that they are close.

While making dinner, I realized that I wasn’t nervous or buzzing. I asked my guides if I should know anything about the storms that were on their way. ( I did this once before a snow storm and I felt the lights flicker above me, which they didn’t, as if it were a sign that the power might go out. I immediately went to charge my cell phone and low and behold the next morning, we were without power for many hours!) So back to last night, I got a vision of a tree out my kitchen window (where we don’t actually have a tree) and I saw the tree in the wind and it snapped in half, like in a bad storm, but I got the feeling that the tree wasn’t mine, so I interrupted that as: “we will be fine or not badly hit.”

Though at times last night the storms that rolled through started to sound scary with the wind and hail, we avoided the worst of it. Unfortunately other nearby towns had tornadoes that touched down, took down trees, ruined structures and took lives. Love, light and prayers to those involved who are dealing with grief, clean up and loss today. – MBH

Son of a B****! I Hate that I can’t Translate this Stuff

I get images that pop into my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I get frustrated by this because sometimes the images that I get can be graphic and I always think to myself, “Can I stop something horrific from happening with this knowledge??” I don’t ever want to have the guilt of feeling that something may happen and I didn’t do anything about it.

So time and time again (and I’ve shared before) I get images that pop into my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I get frustrated by this because sometimes the images that I get can be graphic and I always think to myself, “Can I stop something horrific from happening with this knowledge??” I don’t ever want to have the guilt of feeling that something may happen and I didn’t do anything about it.

On Monday, after the kids get on the bus, and I am off and running to knock out some errands. As I am exiting the neighborhood, I pass a neighbor who lives a street over. This particular neighbor suffered a heart attack a few years ago. I immediately get an image in my head of this man going into his home. He’s home alone and he suffers a heart attack! This “idea” that popped in my head was so strong, I got the feeling that I wanted to turn the car around and check on him.

Now, this is the first part that I struggle with when this happens: What if I go to this neighbor’s house and knock on the door, tell him what I just thought and then low and behold nothing comes of it?? I am labeled as officially being CRAZY! That is what will happen.

I, myself, on the way home from running errands, experience some chest pains. (Random symptoms that I experience always put me into a tizzy and at times lead to panic.) I have spent many a day and many a dollar in doctors offices, emergency rooms and urgent care centers with a slew of random symptoms that never seem to have answers.

Fast forward a few hours to later that morning. My phone starts blowing up with Facebook messages regarding a college friend whose father just passed that morning. I ask the sender of the message if this passing was expected or not. She replies with: “Heart Attack!”

Son of a B****! I hate that I can’t translate this stuff. I am sure that I need to be meditating more, grounding myself more… all of the usual. But I find it frustrating that I don’t know how to navigate with the information, signs and symbols that I am given. Talk about a head trip!

DOES ANYBODY ELSE OUT THERE STRUGGLE WITH THIS???!?

 

Sometimes (Spiritual) Guests Need to be Ushered into the Guest Room

Too bad all (physical human) house guests aren’t as compliant.

10da9dc16dc8edd5baa80d9c650e886f--pioneer-women-life-imagesLast night my husband and I are in bed watching TV and I start to feel really agitated. It wasn’t anything that my husband was doing, or had anything to do with what was on TV at the time, I just know that I felt totally annoyed out of nowhere. I look over at the bedroom door, as it isn’t unusual for one of the kids to wander in. I look over at the door and I remember feeling like there was an older woman standing there. She had very long, straggly, salt and pepper colored hair. It looked as if it needed a good brushing. She was dressed in a long, white or cream Victorian nightgown. She definitely was not of this time.  I kept feeling bothered and had some buzzing in my ears. (Of course I still can’t seem to raise my vibration enough to actually “hear words” just the buzzing.) I kept asking myself if I really “see” her (with my third eye, not really like seeing a three dimensional person person in the room) or if I am making this up?

In my head, I tell her that she is welcome to go and sleep in the guestroom but she needs to quit bothering me and my husband and let me get some rest.

I felt like I saw her turn around and leave. After that, all was fine. I no longer saw her. I no longer felt agitated. And the buzzing in my ears stopped.

Too bad all (physical human) house guests aren’t as compliant.

This is a recent tool in my bag of tricks that I have found to be useful. Simply setting boundaries with Spirit.