Psychic Anxiety, Not Your Typical Anxiety Attack

Time and time again I have had episodes happen in my life and people around me, some who have my best interest at heart and others, well, we all have them… are quick to say, “Oh! It must be Anxiety!” Some will follow up by offering a doctor’s number, a prescription recommendation or breathing techniques, or even a change in diet. Others will suggest that I pray or recite a verse or two from the Bible when going through this.


Time and time again I have had episodes happen in my life and people around me, some who have my best interest at heart and others, well, we all have them… are quick to say, “Oh! It must be Anxiety!” Some will follow up by offering a doctor’s number, a prescription recommendation or breathing techniques, or even a chanpanic-attacksge in diet. Others will suggest that I pray or recite a verse or two from the Bible when going through this.

I have tried the praying thing and though I believe that there is a higher being in charge upstairs, the praying and Bible verse reciting doesn’t do a darn thing when you are in the thick of an attack.

The meds and doctors, well, I refuse to take a pill for this. (My husband who has really no knowledge of my spiritual gifts has told me time and time again to just go get something at the doctor to make me feel better. I have known others who have treated their anxiety with medication. Some say it helps, others, to me, are in a fog when they are on such medication.

I once had a chiropractor who specialized in nutrition once tell me that the foods I am eating could be tied in with panic attacks. I’ve tried eating differently at times, and I can’t say that I have found the perfect cure.

It has been awhile since I have had one of these extreme episodes and today was far from the worst that I had, but it was still no walk in the park. And to note, whenever I have one of these, I can’t usually seem to connect them to any certain thing going on in my life at the moment, any certain stressor or any specific trigger.

They. Just. Happen!

Today started out like any other morning. It is summer and the kids are off from school but summer camps are all in full swing. My husband is out of state, traveling for work, but that happens often. Right before I got the kids up to start the normal breakfast routine, I got some major itching. It was like having allergies, when your skin is itchy but it kept moving around my body and in all sorts of random places. It was such extreme itching that I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. (I’ve been down this path before, with the itching and doctors have chalked it up to hormones or allergies or at the end of the day, nothing that they can really pin point exactly. I’ve been subscribed all kinds of allergy meds and had all kinds of tests run. Nobody can ever really find what is really wrong with me.)

By the time the kids are up and we are doing our breakfast routine, I am itching like crazy, my body feels like it is vibrating and I feel the adrenaline start to rush. For a moment I did get a grip, because I felt the ringing in my ears that I get when Spirit tries to connect – though I can’t always hear what Spirit is trying to say – but then, I went back into panic mode as the ringing stopped, and the other feelings kept happening.

Since the overall feeling in my body didn’t feel right, and I am home alone with my husband out of state,  I decided to text my good friend and neighbor a street over checking to see if she’d be around today or have access to her phone in the event that I had an “emergency.” Before I got done sending her the text, my husband phones to check-in. I try explaining to him what is going on, BUT, as always, I am vague with the details and don’t fully explain everything, partially because I don’t think he takes it very seriously.

Once I sent the text to my friend, I calmed down a few minutes later. This is when things start to mess with my head. “Is it a panic attack and now that I told someone about how I am feeling it starts to go away? Great! How silly do I look?” or…I did ask God, Archangel Michael, and some of my other Guides to protect me, my children, my home and my husband (who is traveling). “Is this someone’s way to tell me everything is OK?” or “Is this someone telling me that things are NOT okay? That something bad is about to happen?” Then there is the “Wait! Am I having a real allergic reaction to something and do I need medical attention??” Better yet, “Am I about to have some sort of medical emergency with how my body feels right now?” 

Try playing the above in your head over and over again. You’ll go nuts – I have.

When it was time to take the kids to their camps, I was still feeling off, but improved – but cold. I felt cold. (“Is this my thyroid acting up??” Oh wait! That has been tested again recently. I was told all was fine.) I did my best to chat with a few parents and act as if nothing was wrong, something I’ve gotten good at over the past few years. I manage to get back to my car and run one quick errand at the grocery store, but during the errand, I felt like I was under water and shaky.

By the time I got home, I realized that I was just plain exhausted. This told me, it’s not allergies, it is not my thyroid, THIS was the crash after an adrenaline rush. Why would there be an adrenaline rush? Well, they usually show up with panic attacks.

For the next few hours I was drained. I tried to eat and hydrate with water. I didn’t feel close to myself again until I laid down for about 30 minutes or so. Not really to sleep but to recharge. Prior to laying down I did spray myself with some Palo Santo Oil (I usually mix a few drops with distilled water into a small spray bottle. I then ask that I be protected from any negative energies or spirits when I do this.) As I laid down, I asked to be grounded. I asked my Spirit Guides to protect me from any harsh or negative energies. (I pictured myself standing with them all around me shoulder to shoulder.) Then as I closed my eyes, I tried to connect with Source and envisioned myself standing in my back yard. I pictured a white light coming down from the sky and going down my whole body. I thought of my feet as roots and eventually thought of the light coming down through my body and going down one leg, while the other released anything negative or anything that didn’t serve me.

Once I got up, I felt the most normal that I have been all day. Not perfect, but the best that I had felt thus far.

I tried to spend some time during the afternoon outside. I played with some dirt in my garden as I moved a few plants around and watered a few things. I figured the fresh air and putting my hands in the dirt couldn’t hurt on a day like today.

I had the buzzing or ringing in my ears today off and on. Not as intense as this morning, but it has come and gone.

I often ask myself why I can’t figure out who is trying to contact me during these intense episodes, but I am in such a weird feeling place when it happens, I feel so blocked or locked up and can’t calm myself down to get anything. And even when I do, I still question it forward and backwards because I am so out of sorts.

Now that it is evening, I am still tired, but not as drained as I was. It won’t be until tomorrow that I will feel whole again.  Right when I think I have this Spirit thing or spiritual gifts figured out, I am reminded that I don’t. I am also reminded that the Universe will give you more (gifts) to handle, as you can handle it.

I have come across two helpful articles time and again which discuss psychic attacks (also referred to as “Spirit Pressure”) further. You may want to check them out:


When the Person Who Got Your Position Eliminated Unexpectedly Loses a Child Who Needs to Cross Over

When we have to forget how somebody wronged us, and we need to do the right thing. The thing that lines up with our purpose.

Today I was cleaning my office and I came across a sympathy card that I purchased but never filled out or sent. It was from last summer. Last June to be exact. It was for a woman who I used to work with who lost her child unexpectedly.

More and more as my gifts develop, I find myself intending to send sympathy cards but at the end of the day, I don’t always send anymore. (Unless I feel a real tug to share a message from the other side with someone who is grieving. That has happened, but I write the card as if it is from me, not the person who has passed.) I feel that by me sending love and light to the situation, the healing from that is greater than a card that may get lost in the shuffle of transition.

Let’s back up a few years. I was hired on at a non-profit company in a marketing/communications role. The person who lined up the interviews, the one who I thought that I clicked with, who I actually became good “office friends” with, was ready to take her Maternity Leave. She was in a hurry to get the position filled and due to the urgency, I was the one the job was offered to. I don’t know if I was the right one for the job, but I was the lucky winner.

The climate at this company was interesting. Really, exhausting at times trying to keep up with the political non-sense that happened behind the scenes and the constant scheming done by others. Looking back, I think that a lot of the exhaustion came from being zapped by such a vast cast of characters as an Empath. (At the time, I was clueless about my gifts.) Additionally, I remember finding myself shutting down a lot when my antenna would go up around unauthentic people. I also recall seeing employees mouths move about what they are doing, need done, etc., but remember thinking what I am hearing and thinking are not matching up. I remember at times just trying to keep my head down and doing my job. The individual who hired me, always seemed like a beacon of light in the craziness. She was one to vent to and give insight that usually made everything better kept me back on track. That was, until a few years later when I became pregnant and took the standard Maternity Leave that most do. Right before I was out on leave, the company acquired a new President (out with the old and in with the new) and an organizational reorg was in the works. Right before leaving, the climate changed… every man for himself!

While on leave, I got a call from our team admin that my departmental boss, was one of those who got canned in the re-org. Deep inside I knew that my job would be on the line now that my “protector” was gone. And part of me wanted to get canned to be home with my new baby, partly because I knew that would be easier than convincing my husband that I shouldn’t work.

Two weeks and two minutes after returning to work after Maternity Leave, I got a meeting request to meet in an out-of-the-way meeting room, with HR and the new President. Need I say more, I got my walking papers. Later I figured out that my “office friend” who hired me, jockeyed to save her job while she threw me under the bus. When this happened, I was hurt by her. Now looking back, I thank her as it was a blessing in disguise to be out of that place. Needless to say how things ended, I haven’t stayed in contact with her. We are not connected on social media or on LinkedIn or anything. She equally has not reached out to me.

Then last June, it was brought to my attention, that a little girl passed away unexpectedly a few suburbs away. I won’t go into details to help with anonymity, but this story was on local news stations and traveling through Facebook feeds and it honestly took me a few days to “hear” the story, and to connect the dots of who the child was and how I was connected to her. I was in shock and disbelief of her passing and sad for the family and those around them. My heart literally ached. As much as I wanted to reach out to the mother, I didn’t. I figured it wouldn’t matter if she heard from me or not. Eventually I purchased a Sympathy card to send, however that never got sent.

After I digested what happened for a few days, I felt like I started seeing a little girl around me. Of course new in the development of my gifts, I questioned myself that maybe I was just “making this up.” We’d have some short conversations, (none of which discussed how she passed). Usually in my bedroom or while I was in my bathroom off my bedroom – I have more conversations and ear buzzing in those two rooms. (In fact I once had a reading and it was brought up that the gal who was reading me saw me laying in my bed with a number of spirits/guides around me.)

The final conversation that I remember having with her was while I was brushing my teeth before bed. I told her that she needed to go visit her mom, her dad and her brother in their dreams that night and tell them that she loves them and to tell them good bye.  (I remember thinking that they needed the “good bye dream” for closure. I couldn’t explain why I felt this way, it just came into my head.) After she disappeared after that conversation, I never saw her again. I can only assume that she crossed over, though I never actually saw it happen. When this did happen, I really didn’t know how to cross people over. I can’t say that I 100% do, even now. I also don’t have any relationship with her family, so I won’t learn that way, either.

As I decide to put the card away with my other stationary, I realize that the card was irrelevant compared to the prayers and love that I sent, and the conversations that I had with the child. I still pray for her family from time-to-time and send love and light to her mother.

It is also interesting where these gifts take me in this lifetime and how we are all inter-connected. Was the purpose of my relationship with my “work friend” tied to the future interaction that I didn’t know at the time I’d be having with her deceased daughter?

Which Came First? The Firemen or the Smoke Alarm?

The alarm didn’t go off as if there was a fire or that the battery was going dead. The dog and I were the only ones who heard it in the house.

So last night was interesting. There were storms in the area, and unfortunately a few tornadoes touched down in towns nearby. During one of the earlier storms in the evening, while my husband was downstairs with the kids (they feel safer down there and can’t hear the rumbling as much, I “felt” like, or envisioned that three men came to the front door. At first they seemed to be dressed in layers, dirty, and at least one of them was carrying something. It made me feel uneasy so I asked for protection from my usual helpers. Then I sort of let this go, though I found myself double checking to make sure that doors were locked.

Later that night with more storms coming and going, we all ended up in the basement. All of the kids wanted to sleep down there, and wanted me and my husband with them. So after we all kept changing sleeping places, trying to get comfortable, I end up on the floor. I kept hearing the dog shuffle around and I kept asking my guides and St. Francis to calm him down so we could rest. Then it happened.  Over the side of the couch popped up 3 men. All standing close together. Almost like a triangle with one in front and then another behind each shoulder of his. I felt like they were firemen. Dressed in gear. I couldn’t tell if the gear was old or just dirty from use. They seemed to have dirty faces as well, as if they just fought a fire. I wouldn’t really say that I saw them in “color” but it also wasn’t “black and white” more like an “aged sepia” color.  I could see lips moving from the one in front but I couldn’t figure anything out. I remember asking for protection and asking Archangel Michael to help them to cross over but I don’t think that I formally did. (I did more of an ask as opposed to the process.) I feel that I did it haphazardly.

I tried to get settled in again and try to get back to sleep. Then, out of nowhere, our smoke alarm (one of them from upstairs) goes off. It didn’t go off as if there was a fire, (it would have kept going) or that the battery was going dead (it chirps then.) It did go off long enough, though.  The dog heard it too, as he started to bark at the sound as he does when he ears it. (A great back up safety measure I hope that we never have to use.) I immediately got my husband up to let him know what was going on. (The kids never woke during any of this, which is odd.) My husband told me that he didn’t hear anything and at first was ready to question what I heard, but then he saw how the dog was reacting so he went upstairs to check things out.

Eventually I followed him up, though feeling bad I was leaving my children in the basement in case there was a fire. Once upstairs, he checked the house and all of the smoke detectors. Nothing! No smoke! No fire! And no dead batteries!!!! The noise also never happened again. It took me a few minutes to piece together that I just saw the firemen in the basement right before this happened. Hmm…  So I then asked the firemen to quit with the smoke alarm unless it is a real emergency, (free will) as I don’t want anyone woken up at night and I don’t want the kids scared.

A little later, once the dog and even the weather calmed down, he asked to go outside. I then thought that I saw one, but realized that maybe it was 2 firemen sitting on my patio wall. They were sitting and breathing heavy as if they were resting after putting a fire out. No joke! I also thought that maybe they were sitting outside after I scolded them about the fire alarm. Sort of like they were trying to be polite. After coming back into the house, I asked Archangel Michel to send them into the light. At some point that night while trying to sleep in the family room (I moved from the basement, I needed more room) I thought that I heard footsteps a few different times. Like man’s shoes. Big feet. No clue if the sound was related to the firemen or another spirit. Needless to say, after all of the excitement, I didn’t sleep real well through the rest of the night.

This  morning I am still processing what happened. I also looked up if 3 firemen have recently died. (Not that I can put together.) There were three that passed at the same time back in 1985, but that seems like a while ago for them to still be lingering, no? Oh, and did I mention that I have a close relative who used to work in the Fire Service? I can’t get that to fit in this puzzle either. Also, three people passed in last night storms, none of which I can connect the fireman part to. This morning I meditated a bit to try to get answers. I got a vision of a fire fighter near a tall building, like in a city or large town. (Not a skyscraper.) I also got the vision of an infant. But that is all. As a precautionary I formally, again tried to cross over the three firemen. I feel like I only had 2 with me today and I am also confused by seeing only 2 on the patio last night so I am wondering if it took a few tries to get them all crossed over?

Whatever really happened last night is still being processed and replayed in my head. I am not scared by it. I just want to make sure I handle my gifts correctly. – MBH

Journal Entry: March 1, 2017

I asked my guides if I should know anything about the storm(s) that were on their way.

March 1, 2017

Yesterday there were storms in our area in the late afternoon  and throughout the evening. We had warnings all day, and at times in the afternoon, the sky turned that creep shade of green.

Sometimes I start to really “vibrate” when storms come through – it has to do with energy. (I can literally lay in bed sometimes and feel a storm roll through across my body before it gets here.) Other times I can get real nervous before a storm. I think that is the combination of the energy that my kids are giving off when they are scared. I also think that it can sometimes be my guides letting me know that they are close.

While making dinner, I realized that I wasn’t nervous or buzzing. I asked my guides if I should know anything about the storms that were on their way. ( I did this once before a snow storm and I felt the lights flicker above me, which they didn’t, as if it were a sign that the power might go out. I immediately went to charge my cell phone and low and behold the next morning, we were without power for many hours!) So back to last night, I got a vision of a tree out my kitchen window (where we don’t actually have a tree) and I saw the tree in the wind and it snapped in half, like in a bad storm, but I got the feeling that the tree wasn’t mine, so I interrupted that as: “we will be fine or not badly hit.”

Though at times last night the storms that rolled through started to sound scary with the wind and hail, we avoided the worst of it. Unfortunately other nearby towns had tornadoes that touched down, took down trees, ruined structures and took lives. Love, light and prayers to those involved who are dealing with grief, clean up and loss today. – MBH

Angel Confetti

Angels and Guides send feathers as a sign of unconditional love, and to show that they are near, and that they hear, guide and support us from above.

The kids are back in school and this morning I was up making lunches and getting breakfast prepared. The house is still quiet the kids are still in bed and my husband got home after 11:30pm the evening before from a work trip. As I am at the counter I look outside the kitchen window to see a female hawk sitting on one of our patio chairs. (The table set is actually pretty close to the kitchen window so I was a bit surprised that she came so close to the house.)

She looked at me a few times. I attempted to get a photo of her through the kitchen window but didn’t do so well as I didn’t want to move the window blinds and disturb her. When that didn’t work I tried to take one from the back door. Again, not a great photo. (Sorry.) She then flew up to the top of the kids’ play-set and then I saw her fly to a neighbor’s roof. I thought to myself: “Good Morning, Spirit!” Some say that a hawk can symbolize the growth of psychic abilities, especially clairvoyance. I guess only time will tell…

As the day when on, I saw 1:11 come around, 2:22 and then 3:33 on various clocks. Something is in sync for sure, I chuckled to myself when I reflect on it.

Later in the evening while sitting on the patio with a glass of wine, and watching the kids play, my youngest finds the most perfect, little feather (maybe from a dove) in the yard. She saved it and put it in her special feather jar. Before she took it in, I looked at it. It was the most perfect shape and the neatest gray color I’ve seen. (“Thank you!” I acknowledged to the Universe). There were also some very small, various-sized feathers blowing around on the patio. Sort of like angel confetti, I thought. They weren’t there earlier in the day. And they surely weren’t feathers from the Hawk.  (Again, I thought, “Thank you!!!”)

I believe (and have seen, time and time again) that Angels and Guides send feathers as a sign of unconditional love, and to show that they are near, and that they hear, guide and support us from above.

Stale Smoke and the Pharmacist

Was I to deliver a message that I am not fully getting????

So here is one of those things that make you go “Hmmm…” I don’t know exactly what to make of it, but I really feel that nothing happens by coincidence. I just wish that I knew what to do with this.

Yesterday I was hand-shampooing a padded piano bench that came with the piano that we recently purchased. While shampooing it, I kept getting a light, stale, smoke smell.  The piano was purchased used, and though I think that one of the home owners may have smoked, the home it came out of didn’t smell of smoke when I was there. I just chalked it up to maybe the bench was around a smoker at one time and I was getting out old “stuff” since I was using soap and water.

Later throughout the day, the smoke smell kept popping up from time to time and usually when I was NOT around the recently shampooed bench while it was trying to dry. Did I mention that we don’t have any smokers in our home, either? I sort of chalked this up to my nose’s memory. They say you remember smells – whoever “they” are!

So fast forward to this morning. While getting ready, I kept getting a whiff here and there. Again, a little perplexed why I am still smelling stale smoke, but blew it off again. I got the kids off to school and headed to a holistic pharmacy about 25 minutes away. (I found out that they carry some products that I normally purchase online and I wanted to check them out.)

The pharmacy is in a town nearby and every time I drive in that area, it spooks me out and I am not sure why. Perhaps I am picking something up there? It gives me the heebie-jeebies. So once I get there, the owner, the Pharmacist, and I chat briefly about the products that I am there to pick up and we discuss some others in his shop as well. Before heading into his office, he mentions to one of his employees something about a smoke smell he smells. I mention that I smelt it too, and tell him that it smells like stale smoke to me. He nods and agrees that stale smoke is what he smells too! I then mention that I have been getting the “smell” for the last few days. He and I just sort of looked at each other with a bit of a knowing look and carried on separately with what we were doing…. And THIS, ladies and gentleman, this is one of those times that I feel that this wasn’t coincidence and I wish that I KNEW what to do with this information. Is this possibly a Spirit trying to connect with me and, or, the Pharmacist? Was I to deliver a message that I am not fully getting???? Ugh! As neat as this is, it is frustrating that I don’t know what to do with this. – MBH


In Sync But Too Bad We Didn’t Make it to the Sink.

Now if only the end of my day was as in sync with the Universe. I feel that Spirit tried to warn me – I just didn’t know how to listen.

So today I got some interesting messages that reminded me that I was in sync with the Universe. While heading to my child’s school to help out in the classroom, I saw not one, not two, but three hawks on three different rooftops within a block of each other. To some, it may sound like something creepy out of a movie, but I knew this neat display was nothing to fear.

When I signed in at the office at the school the clock read 12:12. When I was done helping out I stopped off to check out a book fair that was happening at the school. When I looked up at the clock again, it read 1:11….

Now I could go on all day keep writing about the number 1, the number 2, and the combinations they make up and their meanings, etc. but let’s cut to the chase:

  • 1212 is a message to stay optimistically focused on your highest possible future, and a reminder that your angels are supporting you in manifesting your goals, dreams, and life purpose.
  • 1:11, (or 111) is a reminder to stay positive. It is a call from the angels to pay attention to one’s thoughts as they can manifest – good, bad or otherwise. (I can have a tough time dwelling on the positive and usually get stuck focused on rehashing negative thoughts. Not good!)

Now if only the end of my day was as in sync with the Universe.

After tucking my children into bed for the evening, I headed to my room to watch TV. (I should probably be meditating or something instead, but sometimes a girl just needs something mindless to do.) While in bed, I reflected on how cute my little boy was today. It was pajama day at school and he wore his favorite pair. I couldn’t help but to think to myself how there isn’t much more time before he will be too old to enjoy these silly theme days anymore. Soon he will think that it will be “uncool!”  Then I pictured the little guy shuffling to the bus in his jammies. I then thought to myself that I should be taking more photos of him.

Then I got a nervous, anxious feeling that washed over me.

I even ask myself, what could this feeling be? What am I missing?

A few minutes later, my son is in our hallway throwing up. He’s got an upset stomach.

I think to myself, “It’s too bad that we didn’t make it to the sink….”

I then beat myself up thinking that it is bad that I didn’t know how to “tune-in” to why I was feeling anxious right before it all happened.

I feel that Spirit tried to warn me – I just didn’t know how to listen.

And now I’m up trying to get puke out of the hall carpet.  – MBH