April 15th – Tax Day and a Fibromyalgia Diagnosis

After my faux heart attack back in November numerous tests were run through my Primary Care Physician and at my request I had testing done through a cardiologist as well. (My stress test was done nearly 5 years to the week of my previous one.) My Primary Physician didn’t think that I needed to bother with seeing a Cardiologist, but her hit ratio with diagnosing me in the past had been subpar. (I always think about changing doctors, but then I go long periods without having any issues. During those quiet times I should be forming a relationship with another physician, but then life gets in the way and finding a new Primary Care Physician gets pushed to the bottom of the list. )

During one of my follow up visits with my Primary Care Physician, she suggested that I go and see a Rheumatologist to look into the possibility of me having Fibromyalgia. Naturally, I didn’t care for the one that she suggested so I asked around and found another one who I had a reference on.

Per the Mayo Clinic, Fibromyalgia is: a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.

Symptoms sometimes begin after a physical trauma, surgery, infection or significant psychological stress. In other cases, symptoms gradually accumulate over time with no single triggering event.

Women are more likely to develop fibromyalgia than are men. Many people who have fibromyalgia also have tension headaches, temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety and depression.

While there is no cure for fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help.

Symptoms

Symptoms of fibromyalgia include:

  • Widespread pain. The pain associated with fibromyalgia often is described as a constant dull ache that has lasted for at least three months. To be considered widespread, the pain must occur on both sides of your body and above and below your waist.
  • Fatigue. People with fibromyalgia often awaken tired, even though they report sleeping for long periods of time. Sleep is often disrupted by pain, and many patients with fibromyalgia have other sleep disorders, such as restless legs syndrome and sleep apnea.
  • Cognitive difficulties. A symptom commonly referred to as “fibro fog” impairs the ability to focus, pay attention and concentrate on mental tasks.

Fibromyalgia often co-exists with other painful conditions, such as:

  • Irritable bowel syndrome
  • Migraine and other types of headaches
  • Interstitial cystitis or painful bladder syndrome
  • Temporomandibular joint disorders

fibro1I will admit, when I have researched Fibromyalgia online, I do check many of the boxes, but I also know that my thoughts are my reality so I keep mentally not owning the possibility of such a diagnosis. For me, I feel like a Fibromyalgia Diagnosis would be a death sentence. Many of the symptoms ALSO overlap with those that have to do with the Awakening Process. In my opinion, Fibromyalgia is a “bucket” that people are put in when doctors can’t figure out what is wrong with them.

Over the last few years, I have learned of more and more people that I know being diagnosed with Fibro. Many of them are Lightworkers, Empaths, Energy Workers, and most have some sort of psychic ability.  (I have a hunch that Fibromyagia may have to do some people’s rise in frequency and vibratory level, but we can discuss that another time.) Previous to those people having it, my experience with knowing others who have had the disease was a direct correlation to their own poor lifestyle choices. (The type of lifestyle choices that could be picked out a mile away.) And though many will tell you it is not a curable disease, I will tell you that I know a gal who was once diagnosed with Fibro but now doesn’t carry ANY of the symptoms of it.

I have also read many reasons/causes for Fibro including. Per WebMD, causes of Fibro can include from:

  • Genes. Fibromyalgia seems to run in families. Your parents may pass on genes that make you more sensitive to pain. Other genes can also make you more likely to feel anxious or depressed, which makes pain worse.
  • Other diseases. A painful disease like arthritis or an infection raises your chances of getting fibromyalgia.
  • Emotional or physical abuse. Children who are abused are more likely to have the condition when they grow up. This may happen because abuse changes the way the brain handles pain and stress.
  • Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some people have this mental health problem after a terrible event, like war, a car crash, or rape. These events are also linked to fibromyalgia in some people.
  • Gender. The condition is much more common in women than men. Doctors think this could be related to differences in the way men and women feel and react to pain, as well as how society expects them to respond to pain.
  • Anxiety and depression. These and other mood disorders seem linked to fibromyalgia, though there’s no proof that they actually cause the condition.
  • Not moving enough. The condition is much more common in people who aren’t physically active. Exercise is one of the best treatments for fibromyalgia you already have. It can help turn the pain volume down.

From a Holistic Health Standpoint, I found this information from a site called: Heavenly Earth Projects. (There was too much good information not to share.)

From the Conventional Medical perspective, fibromyalgia and cancer are unrelated, yet from the soul perspective, they are both caused by old soul trauma and disconnection.  From the Holistic Health perspective, the spiritual cause of this condition is a deep weariness of the soul.   The individual has lived many, many past lives which have been physically, mentally and emotionally demanding.  The effects of these negative vibrations are carried through in the DNA, and stored as toxins in the cellular memory of the body.

Toxins in the physical body cells are also a contributing factor in many cases.  Mercury fillings, heavy metals, processed foods, chemicals/pesticides and so on.  Detoxification of the physical body is important, and is also initiated with a Forensic Healing session.

Common Past Life experiences:

  • adventure, exploration, war, physical endurance in extreme conditions
  • pushing beyond normal limits, even through pain
  • self sacrifice of body and mind, to achieve goals and avoid emotional self
  • experienced severe woundings, torture, because of intuitive/healing abilities

These past life experiences can also result in other types of dis-ease, however, my understanding is that fibromyalgia is triggered by unresolved emotional issues relating to family, and can also be carried in the ancestral DNA.  Though it is not hereditary, it can ‘cluster’ within families.

Common behaviours of a person with Fibromyalgia

  • helpful, responsible people who hurt themselves in their eagerness to please others, particularly family, and are not able to express how they feel
  • busy, tense, driven, stressed
  • lack proper boundaries
  • don’t balance activity with rest
  • doormat for others
  • less tolerance/patience for others, and holds this inside, causing inner pain.  This resistance affects the nervous system, causing sleep disorders and pain
  • lack of life force energy
  • pain is used to avoid addressing emotional issues (the pain is actually the indicator of unresolved emotional issues)
  • the immobilisation of the body also helps the person avoid the natural expression of emotional energy via movement.
  • psychological pain is stored in the muscles.  Anger, fear, guilt are all stored in the body.  There is a deep desire for change but an inner resistance to making it, due to fear, resulting from past life experience.
  • back pain indicates something out of reach, and out of sight.  These are emotions or issues that we are not ready to face.
  • obligated to others, leaving little time for self
  • feel loyal to family but there is conflict in the relationships – you feel trapped, hurt or helpless in the situation.  You want to walk away but feel obligated to family member.
  • you need some emotional nurturing.  You nurture the emotions of others, to the exclusion of your own.

And Per Louise Hay: When a person is under stress, the body reacts and tenses. Stiffness and pain is felt in the fibrous tissues, usually deep within the muscles yet there is nothing wrong with the muscles themselves. Stiffness is a result of rigid and stiff thinking. Tension, fear and holding on result in the body cramping and gripping. Affirm: I move easily and comfortably. My feet dance through life!

paint.jpgWell, today is April 15, Tax Day here in the United States. I had a long-awaited appointment (it took nearly 3 months to get) with a rheumatologist. My appointment was the first one of the day at 8am.

I went through a brief description of my health history, including the mysterious symptoms (some I now know to be metaphysically related but no need to mention that to a doctor who specializes in Western Medicine.) She did an exam and supposedly had my blood work from my Primary Care Physician. She asked me a ton of questions, which I appreciated as many doctors these days don’t seem to have the time to get to know you or your heath situation.

She then told me “I am giving you a Fibro diagnosis. You have Fibro but no autoimmune disease at this time. By me giving you a diagnosis, you don’t need to keep going back for further testing. Testing that would could lead to things like more radiation or even lead to finding something that in your body that ‘God gave you’ that isn’t causing you any harm, but others may say that it is a concern or need to be taken out. No medication is needed at this time. Yoga and Talk Therapy will help you.”

These words didn’t hit me until she left the room – was she doing me a favor by ending this train ride?? I know that I have some internal work and healing to do. I’ve always felt the push to do yoga and honestly, the Talk Therapy makes sense as I have not shared my symptoms, spiritual gifts and metaphysical experiences from many.

Did she on some level know that more testing would lead to something that didn’t need to happen? A surgery? A treatment? (The drugs necessary for treating Fibro would be a cocktail of a few different drugs, per her and my conversation I am already medically sensitive to medicines. I can’t imagine being on those that we’d have to fish around trying to find a correct dose for.) So did she do me a favor with a diagnosis that I was trying to avoid? (I’m going with “yes” on this.)

Right now I am just processing the idea that I have this diagnosis. I am still trying to “not own it.” I also think that there is something more “bigger picture” when it comes to Lightworkers and those of us with gifts.  We’ll see what happens. Stay tuned.

Another Mysterious Health Symptom – Food Allergy or another Affinity to My Awakening Process?

I’ve had a slew of medical and mysterious health “symptoms” along my awakening process. I have learned that some of my symptoms have had to do with changes in my body, changes in my energy, or changes in the energy in the solar system or on the planet. I’ve learned that some of my symptoms and even anxiety can have to do with emotions or experiences working themselves to the surface. I have also learned that the “symptoms” can be a nudge from my body when I am venturing off my path or purpose, trying to get me to where I need to be.

I will go long time periods without having any issues and then Boom! Something happens and some medical mystery pops up which is followed by panic, a lot of Google searching, and a slew of doctor visits and tests that lead to, well, nothing that Western Medicine can figure out. In the past, I’ve had medical mysteries last weeks and even months and then disappear.

Today’s Mystery:

This morning was a morning like any other. Before taking the kids to the bus stop, I had my usual coffee and decided to have a banana. Nothing out of the ordinary. I drove to the bus stop (It’s below zero out today).

Before the bus even arrived, it started. My mouth and tongue started to tingle and my lips started to feel funny. My mind automatically goes off the deep end thinking that my throat is closing up. I looked in the mirror to see if there was any swelling. So far, there wasn’t. In the mists of the panic, I couldn’t tell if my throat was closing up or not, or if I was experiencing anxiety. (In these situation, I’ve learned to try to take a moment and evaluate the situation to see if it is really an emergency or anxiety.) I tend to carry a bottle in of water in the car with me (and even Benadryl in my wallet) at all times. I took a few sips of water to make sure that I could swallow. I could. I held off on the Benadryl for now. I hate taking it because then my day is shot by being so tired. I swear that it also wreaks havoc on my thyroid and adrenal glands and messes with my emotions, too.

I called my neighbor to see if she was home. My thought was that maybe if went to her house and chatted for a bit, I’d get my mind off of things and start feeling better. I got her voicemail immediately. I then texted her to see if she was home this morning – she didn’t text back immediately. I didn’t feel that I needed the ER so I circled back to my house. I popped a half of a Benadryl (in the event this was some sort of an allergic reaction) and then I attempted to meditate to try to settle my anxiety.

My neighbor called me back and offered to take me to the doctor or if she could help with anything. We chatted about the things we have been up to later so that helped to calm me as well. She offered to check in on me again later.

Of course the Benadryl, even though I only took half a dose, makes me a feel like I’m walking around in a fog. I tried to work on some journal entries and get some house stuff done. I noticed that my mouth still didn’t feel quite right – like I scraped my tongue on something hard or burnt it. I then noticed that my mouth, lips and even my lower half of my face felt like it was having muscle spasms. (My teeth and gums have been feeling sensitive lately, but I have blamed that on being out of my good toothpaste and using my husband’s instead.)

To make matters more anxious and stressful, my husband is out of town traveling. That adds stress to situations like this because I worry that if I do have a medical situation or end up in the ER, how will the kids be handled once they are home after school or if something happens in the middle of the night.

I had similar sensations to what I had today, once before, like 6 years ago. My tongue had a burning sensation to it for a few days. (I blamed some spicy meal we had at first, but then it lasted for a few days.) My throat felt like it was going to close up, but back then, I didn’t recognize the anxiety. Western medical doctors told me that my sensations might have to do with acid reflux and to take an over the counter 24-antacid and to follow up with an allergist. The allergist couldn’t come up with concrete findings in her allergy testing, besides the fact that I had seasonal allergies and suggested that I take a 24-hr allergy medicine and suggested that I could take up to 2 in a 24/hr period. She also suggested that I carry Benadryl and an EpiPen, but again, no concrete answers on what I was allergic to enough to cause the sensations that I was experiencing.

Further along in my morning, I asked that “if the face and mouth symptoms are not for me, to please put them back in their proper space and time.” (A little Empath trick that I learned to do when trying to determine if the symptoms that I have picked up for really mine or not.) Well, after asking, I still had the symptoms, though they subsided a bit.

As I write this, my ears are buzzing like crazy, (and the face/mouth) has subsided. I also have a tingling in my head. I get the buzzing when Spirit is trying to get my attention. The buzzing is hard for me to tune in to because I do feel so short circuited after the anxiety kicked in. However by having the symptoms changed after I asked (free will) I am calmer in the fact that perhaps this isn’t a medical situation as much as a Spirit situation. I also feel my hands and feet pulsating.

I happened to be in contact with my acupuncturist today, as well as one of my mentors. Some of the reasons that I may be experiencing these symptoms could be:

 – I reached out to a mentor of mine. She did suggest that I could be sensitive to the banana (which I haven’t noticed before, but with my every-changing sensitives, you never know). She suggested that I make sure that I wash my fruits and veggies well.

– She also reminded me that we become more sensitive as we awakening more and become more intuitive. (Something I’ve told others, but forget to remind myself.)

 – The metaphysical emotional meaning as to what I am experiencing with my mouth/lips/tongue: Not speaking truth, sexual shame, not feeling supported to speak up. Not feeling valued. (Time to look for parallels.)

 – Teeth symptoms: Pondering over new information or solutions and pondering new ideas. (Which I have been.)

 – I asked my Acupuncturist what my symptoms could mean in Chinese Medicine. She suggested that it could be “Wind.” (Wind is one of the six external factors of disease – six Qi or six Yin/Six Excesses – that can attack the body, enter the meridians, and cause external diseases.) She said that Wind can cause spasms, coughing, sneezing and itching.

 – I read that the twitching symptoms could have to do with claircognizance “downloads.” These meaning that these downloads are like software or app upgrades on computer devices, except they are happening to a person.

changes aheadFor all that happened today, my day has seemed to fly by. It looks like I have some internal reflecting to do.

I am sharing this experience to help anyone else who is experiencing mysterious ailments and symptoms to not feel alone.  You’re not alone! And you’re not crazy!! You’re just going through an awakening!!

When Parenting and Empath Abilities Collide

Empaths absorb the energy and symptoms of others. When we absorb ailments of others, we take them on as if they are our own. When we take on ailments, we can heal the other person.

mother daughterYesterday my youngest walked in the door from school with what looked to be a dark red patch on her face. Upon further investigation it looked like a rash or a bug bite of some sort. (Never mind we are in the middle of winter here in the Midwest.) She has extremely sensitive skin so I first went through a list of questions asking what she might have put on her face to cause this – lotions, hand sanitizers or soaps at school, etc. She said that it itched and hurt. I tried to figure out when during the day this happened. According to her, it started early in the school day.

We took the necessary steps to ease her symptoms. Within moments of giving her face attention I started to itch around my face and shoulders. I even noticed some hives starting on me. This of course alerted me to ask my daughter if she was itching or bothered in other places and she said “No.”

Itching and hives on ME tend to put me I a bit of an anxious spiral as a person who has had many an unexplained allergic reaction of my own along my awakening process. I used to carry Benadryl and epi pens with me everywhere I went. (At the begging of my awakening process I was popping Benadryl like it was candy, as I was always itching and my throat regularly felt like it was ready to close up.)

When I take on symptoms from others (sometimes I know whose symptoms I have taken on and other times it can be a complete stranger like someone out in a public place or in my neighborhood or somebody’s energy that I am tapping into) my first instinct is to protect myself (so that I don’t absorb what is not mine) and then to send it back to its rightful owner and to put it back in its proper space and time.  (I know that this “wording” may sound crazy to some, but the putting back of the ailments of not mine has been a big help to me.)

When it is your child who is suffering from something you want to do all that you can to make them better. Though my first instinct was to protect myself (“Hello! Anxiety and panic!” as I get worried about allergic reactions for me) but then “Mommy Mode” kicked in and I allowed myself to keep absorbing my daughter’s ailments. (I did ask my angels and guides to help me to not have a medical emergency myself.)

Motherhood and my abilities seems to collide from time to time. I try to do my best and droll with things to the best of my abilities and to thank the Universe along the way.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Mysterious Health Symptoms. Are they Mine?

Time and time again throughout my so-called “Awakening Journey” I have struggled with knowing what health symptoms (and even emotions) are my own, or someone else’s.

As I have discussed in previous posts, I am an Emapth. An Empath has the ability to feel the thoughts, emotions, and energy of others. This can include physical symptoms as well.

The other day, I was on my way to visit a mentor of mine and out of nowhere, as I was driving, my left knee started to hurt. I felt a sharp pain and it was very noticeable. Though knee problems tend to run in my family, my knees have not been bothering me as of recently. With that said, every time I have or feel an ailment that comes on out of nowhere, my mind starts to spiral out of control….

“Is it a blood clot…”

“Wait… am I dehydrated? Maybe it is my lower leg that is hurting and not my knee…?”

“What if I can’t walk on my leg when I get where I am going…?”

“What if both of my knees start to hurt and it gets so bad that I have to pull over because I can’t drive…?”

You may be chuckling to yourself as you read the above thoughts that were racing through my head, but this is a glimpse into my world. I’ve had so many random ailments over the past few years that I go from 0 to 100 and then anxiety will come running in.

I tried to reason with myself that I would be seeing Erin soon and that she’d either help me with the pain or have a reason as to why I was in pain. (Erin specializes in Reiki, Energy Work and CranioSacral work and has been a wonderful mentor to me though out my awakening process.)

When I get to Erin’s office, she asks me what I’d like to do today, or what aliments I needed to fix. I explained to her that I have been feeling fine as of late, with the exception of my knee that started to hurt really bad on the way over. I did joke that maybe the pain isn’t mine, but I was sort of dismissing my comment.

Erin paused for a moment and said, “Nope. It isn’t your knee, it is someone else’s.” I was relieved to hear this, but I told her that I struggle with what is mine and what isn’t and how it puts me into panic mode sometimes.

Erin gave me a great tip that I have used ever since my visit with her. When I get an ailment, a pain, an emotion or a strange feeling that comes over me out of nowhere, she suggested that I ask if “Is this mine?” And if it isn’t mine that I should ask that it be put back in its proper space and time. Erin explained that if it was someone else’s ailment that I picked up, the ailment would go away. If it really is mine, well, then it would stay with me. So in the instance if the knee, I would say something like: “Is this pain in my knee mine? If it is not, please put it back in its proper space and time. Thank you.”

sickEver since learning this little tip, it has helped me tremendously. I do find that sometimes I need to ask more than once if the “ailment” is mine or not. By nature, I am a bit impatient and when things don’t go away in a split second I do find myself asking again. More times than not, I am freed of whatever is bothering me. There have also been times, when what I was feeling was really mine. For instance a few days after seeing Erin I didn’t feel very well. I asked that if my body aches where mine or not and went through the ritual of asking everything to be put back if it wasn’t mine. Well low and behold I did have a touch of the flu and no matter how many times I asked that the symptoms leave if they are not mine, they stayed until I was well again.

So the next time you aren’t sure if what you are feeling is really you or not, try asking if it is yours or not. And then ask that it be put back in it proper place and time. Be sure to say “Thank you” at the end of your ask. 😉

I’ve heard of the “Freshman Fifteen” but Nobody Mentioned the “Awakening 15” to Me!

scaleIt is fair to say that my “Awakening” started at least two to three years ago to my knowledge. And with the Awakening has come many health issues, symptoms, including fatigue, and last but not least, weight gain. Nobody mentioned the weight gain to me! I have honestly packed on nearly 15. It may not sound like much to some, BUT it is noticeable to me and my wardrobe.

I have gone through ups and downs with weight, including post-baby weight. I’m also not a Spring Chicken anymore so things do change, but in the first year of me knowing I was in the Awakening process I probably gained 5 pounds. (Not horrible.) But this past two years I have packed on another 10!!! I go through my phases of exercising and physical activity but when I am off the wagon, as I am now, it is so hard to climb back on.

I know that there is a lot playing into this weight gain. Never mind the fatigue that I have experienced from my body changing or re-wiring itself over the past few years. Or the fatigue I experience after the Adrenalin rush of a spirit anxiety attack. And then, as an empath, I can take on different symptoms, like fatigue, from other people.  I know that extra weight is used as a protection mechanism.

I have read that during the Awakening process that the body can feel an influx of energies that are unfamiliar to it, and when the body is confused, or feels under attack, it seeks to defend itself, and one way it does that is by creating another layer of energy for protection – a.k.a. fat.  The body will use fat or mass in order to block out unfamiliar energies. I suppose that this makes sense, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I like it.

I have also learned that emotionally, we sometime put on weight like a layer of protection. We use it like bubble warp from the world. (I suppose keeping an awakening and spiritual gifts from others around you would potentially call for the feeling of extra protection.)

Then there are the cravings and coping mechanisms of food. Carbs are my favorite. Then sugar and salt like to work hand and hand. Alcohol is also my friend. Besides there is always a reason to be having a drink. (Right now it is patio drinking season.) Patio Drinking Season usually follows Halloween candy (and parties) in the neighborhood, followed by Thanksgiving then the rest of the holidays that seem to be a food fest and surrounded by alcoholic beverages – party as a coping mechanism to deal with family and relatives.

Regardless as to why this is happening to me right now, I feel like I’m helpless. I feel like it is out of my control. And in reality, I am sure that I can or should be able to regain control somehow. Some way.

Psychic Anxiety, Not Your Typical Anxiety Attack

Time and time again I have had episodes happen in my life and people around me, some who have my best interest at heart and others, well, we all have them… are quick to say, “Oh! It must be Anxiety!” Some will follow up by offering a doctor’s number, a prescription recommendation or breathing techniques, or even a change in diet. Others will suggest that I pray or recite a verse or two from the Bible when going through this.

anxiety-disorder-test-your-fear-level-e1422919833373I have tried the praying thing and though I believe that there is a higher being in charge upstairs, the praying and Bible verse reciting doesn’t do a darn thing when you are in the thick of an attack. (Contrary to what some of my friends say who are strong in their Christian Faith.)

The meds and doctors, well, I refuse to take a pill for this. (My husband who has really no knowledge of my spiritual gifts has told me time and time again to just go get something at the doctor to make me feel better. I have known others who have treated their anxiety with medication. Some say it helps, others, to me, are in a fog when they are on such medication.

I once had a chiropractor who specialized in nutrition once tell me that the foods I am eating could be tied in with panic attacks. I’ve tried eating differently at times, and I can’t say that I have found the perfect cure.

It has been awhile since I have had one of these extreme episodes and today was far from the worst that I had, but it was still no walk in the park. And to note, whenever I have one of these, I can’t usually seem to connect them to any certain thing going on in my life at the moment, any certain stressor, or any specific trigger.

They. Just. Happen!

Today started out like any other morning. It is summer and the kids are off from school but summer camps are all in full swing. My husband is out of state, traveling for work, but that happens often. Right before I got the kids up to start the normal breakfast routine, I got some major itching. It was like having allergies, when your skin is itchy but it kept moving around my body and in all sorts of random places. It was such extreme itching that I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. (I’ve been down this path before, with the itching and doctors have chalked it up to hormones or allergies or at the end of the day, nothing that they can really pin point exactly. I’ve been subscribed all kinds of allergy meds and had all kinds of tests run. Nobody can ever really find what is really wrong with me.)

By the time the kids are up and we are doing our breakfast routine, I am itching like crazy, my body feels like it is vibrating and I feel the adrenaline start to rush. For a moment I did get a grip, because I felt the ringing in my ears that I get when Spirit tries to connect – though I can’t always hear what Spirit is trying to say – but then, I went back into panic mode as the ringing stopped, and the other feelings kept happening.

Since the overall feeling in my body didn’t feel right, and I am home alone with my husband out of state,  I decided to text my good friend and neighbor a street over checking to see if she’d be around today or have access to her phone in the event that I had an “emergency.” Before I got done sending her the text, my husband phones to check-in. I try explaining to him what is going on, BUT, as always, I am vague with the details and don’t fully explain everything, partially because I don’t think he takes it very seriously.

Once I sent the text to my friend, I calmed down a few minutes later. This is when things start to mess with my head. “Is it a panic attack and now that I told someone about how I am feeling it starts to go away? Great! How silly do I look?” or…I did ask God, Archangel Michael, and some of my other Guides to protect me, my children, my home and my husband (who is traveling). “Is this someone’s way to tell me everything is OK?” or “Is this someone telling me that things are NOT okay? That something bad is about to happen?” Then there is the “Wait! Am I having a real allergic reaction to something and do I need medical attention??” Better yet, “Am I about to have some sort of medical emergency with how my body feels right now?” 

Try playing the above in your head over and over again. You’ll go nuts – I have.

When it was time to take the kids to their camps, I was still feeling off, but improved – but cold. I felt cold. (“Is this my thyroid acting up??” Oh wait! That has been tested again recently. I was told all was fine.) I did my best to chat with a few parents and act as if nothing was wrong, something I’ve gotten good at over the past few years. I manage to get back to my car and run one quick errand at the grocery store, but during the errand, I felt like I was under water and shaky.

By the time I got home, I realized that I was just plain exhausted. This told me, it’s not allergies, it is not my thyroid, THIS was the crash after an adrenaline rush. Why would there be an adrenaline rush? Well, they usually show up with panic attacks.

For the next few hours I was drained. I tried to eat and hydrate with water. I didn’t feel close to myself again until I laid down for about 30 minutes or so. Not really to sleep but to recharge. Prior to laying down I did spray myself with some Palo Santo Oil (I usually mix a few drops with distilled water into a small spray bottle. I then ask that I be protected from any negative energies or spirits when I do this.) As I laid down, I asked to be grounded. I asked my Spirit Guides to protect me from any harsh or negative energies. (I pictured myself standing with them all around me shoulder to shoulder.) Then as I closed my eyes, I tried to connect with Source and envisioned myself standing in my back yard. I pictured a white light coming down from the sky and going down my whole body. I thought of my feet as roots and eventually thought of the light coming down through my body and going down one leg, while the other released anything negative or anything that didn’t serve me.

Once I got up, I felt the most normal that I have been all day. Not perfect, but the best that I had felt thus far.

I tried to spend some time during the afternoon outside. I played with some dirt in my garden as I moved a few plants around and watered a few things. I figured the fresh air and putting my hands in the dirt couldn’t hurt on a day like today.

I had the buzzing or ringing in my ears today off and on. Not as intense as this morning, but it has come and gone.

I often ask myself why I can’t figure out who is trying to contact me during these intense episodes, but I am in such a weird feeling place when it happens, I feel so blocked or locked up and can’t calm myself down to get anything. And even when I do, I still question it forward and backwards because I am so out of sorts.

Now that it is evening, I am still tired, but not as drained as I was. It won’t be until tomorrow that I will feel whole again.  Right when I think I have this Spirit thing or spiritual gifts figured out, I am reminded that I don’t. I am also reminded that the Universe will give you more (gifts) to handle, as you can handle it.

I have come across two helpful articles time and again which discuss psychic attacks (also referred to as “Spirit Pressure”) further. You may want to check them out:

https://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/when-my-anxiety-attack-was-actually-a-spirit/

https://www.amandalinettemeder.com/blog/2014/2/11/could-my-anxiety-be-a-sign-of-mediumship-and-psychic-abilities

 

Warning: As an Empath, “Meeting Hangovers” Can Take Up To Two Days to Recover From

I belong to a local non-profit community organization and last night we had a meeting. It was our “end-of –year meeting” which goes longer than our normal monthly meetings. That particular meeting goes longer because we do a dinner and socialize at the beginning, conduct our usual meeting, vote on the following year’s Board Members, and then we divvy up the funds that we have raised throughout the year and disperse them to other causes and needs throughout the community. Last’s night meeting by no means was the longest meeting that we’ve ever had, but I was there for over three hours.

The group on a whole is a good group of people, though there are some interesting energies in the room. I don’t actually sit back and try to read the people in the room. I try to enjoy them for who they are, but from time to time I have found that I have been shown things about certain members. I also find myself “un-following” some fellow Club members on social media, but that is because I can’t handle some of the energy that they put out. It is nothing personal, I just can’t keep getting hit with negative funk.

Until just a few years ago, I didn’t realize that I was an Empath, or what traits came along with such a gift. Empaths  “sponge” all kinds of emotional and mental energy from other people – Good. Bad. And otherwise. I also didn’t know how to combat the “hangover” (a.k.a. Empath Fatigue) that I would experience post-large gatherings. When at Club meetings time and time again I find people coming up to me spilling some of their trials and tribulations to me and then I find myself thinking, “Wow! That was a lot they unloaded on me.” Big things. Things like marital troubles, work issues, health issues and financial stuff, just to name a few. One of the traits of being an Empath is to have people open up to them. Sometimes this can happen with people who need healing, other times I notice this comes from energy vampires.

I feel that I have gotten better (in my opinion anyway) about “bubbling up” and protecting or shielding myself, my energy, really, before walking into such large gatherings, but I still feel the aftereffects and the next day kick myself for not continuing to protect myself as much as I should during such events. (Cue Empath Hangover symptoms.) I also sometimes use, which I did last night, some Palo Santo Oil on myself prior to leaving the house. (I mix a few drops of Palo Santo oil in a small atomizer spray bottle with some distilled water and spray myself, as if putting up a wall of defense, and ask my guides and specific Archangels to protect me from negative energies. I feel that this helps with protecting myself from negative energies as well as psychic attacks.)

Between absorbing the energies in the meeting space, and being dumped on with people’s real problems and challenges, (and the occasional drop-in by Spirit), I find it hard to come home and just crawl into bed and go to sleep. I can’t “turn off” just like that. And by turn off, I literally mean turn my body off. I can feel it vibrate or pulse which I’ve come to understand as an energy overload. All of the energy that I have absorbed makes it hard to fall asleep and even stay asleep through the night. I’ve learned to try to cleanse myself (better yet, my Aura) by taking a shower when I get home. (I had this suggested to me awhile back from another lady who has some extraordinary gifts and I find it helps.) I also ground myself. Sometimes as I lay in bed rehashing things that happened through the evening that I can’t seem to let go of, I envision “cutting” a person or situation that is nagging my brain and watch whatever I cut, float away.

Meetings and any type of community service work can be a challenge for me. In one breath, I want to be out there helping people, in another, I find myself ducking out of largely attended events. Events that my take place in a community park or those that may serve a few hundred families in one day. It is too much for me still. I feel too much. I see too much. I can even take on symptoms of those around me. Sometimes I find fellow Club members giving me a questioning look as to why I am not signing up to do specific things. My secret (my gifts) are still a secret to most around town. Sill being in the closet has its challenges.  For example, there was an instance last night when the group was trying to decide how much money should go to which cause and organizations and I found myself blurting out “Does that particular one need that much money?” Followed by my head tingling and ears ringing. I’ll save this story for another day, but let’s just say that one organization that had some embezzlement issues a few years back is now miles ahead of where they used to be and I kept hearing – in my head – that the $500 that the Club was suggesting to donate to them should be knocked down to $250 and that the difference should go to X or Y organization instead. As you can imagine, it is sort of hard to explain to a room full of people that someone on the other side provided this info. (Someone from the other side who I think was at one time working overtime to make good on an embezzlement issue that she was a part of here in the physical world. Never mind that connecting with spirit can zap my energy as well.)

I’m not saying that I am doing everything correctly, but I am better off than what I was a few years ago with this. After a meeting or function, I still find that I am drained the next day. Nowadays the draining feeling lasts only about one day, when in the past, it could take me nearly two days to feel “normal” again. I’ve learned to not schedule anything important the next day, if possible. I’ve at least showered so far today. A few years ago I would have still had my sweat pants on in this point of the day, and considered it to be a “win” if the kids made it off to school and dinner was on the table by 5:00pm. Today I am showered, dressed half decently, and tackling my “to-do list” in a timely matter.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

You’re an Empath, Not Crazy!

I saw the image at the top of this post come across my Facebook Feed today. I got if off of a great page called: Empathy Welcome and as with most Empath related quotes and information that I see floating around. This one fits the bill. My poor husband many times thinks that I am either (1) hormonal or (2) refer back to #1, I’m just plain hormonal half the time because my moods can constantly change or body ailments can pop up out of the blue.

I can be going along one minute as though everything is fine and then – BOOM!!! I can start stomping around the house, slamming drawers, or at a drop of the hat start yelling at my kids for something that doesn’t quite deserve the high pitch shouting that is coming out of me. The kids, my husband and even the dog have witnessed this time and time again and have had to run for the hills.

….. And sometimes as quick as it started….. It’s done. Almost like “End Scene!”

And then what usually follows is….a nap! Why? Because I am spent. As if something or someone took over my body, made me run a marathon and then left! Left me with the leftovers!!

Let me give you some real examples as to how I have taken on other people’s energy or symptoms.

A few years ago, I got really angry one afternoon. Like really pissed off to the point I was starting to question why I was so angry. The kids were gone, my husband was at work. Nothing out of the ordinary was going on or happened. No family drama at the moment to speak of. Prior to the mood swing, I was having a really good day. The next day I see my neighbor outside while getting my mail. She comes over to chat and tells me that while meeting with lawyers the day before pertaining to her divorce, her soon-to-be Ex Husband (who was going along fine with the divorce process up until now) suddenly wants part of her 401K, part of the home that they lived in, (but she built and he never put a dime in for), and one of the cars that her son drives. She was livid. And really, I was too, the day before, but now I know why!

I remember one Sunday morning at Church I stopped in the ladies room before Service. When I got out of the stall, there was a woman standing at the sink sniffling with a tissue. I thought that maybe she was crying. While washing my hands I asked her if she was OK and she responds that she is suffering from a nasty cold that she can’t seem to get rid of. I wish her a good day. As I walk into Service to find my husband, I notice that suddenly my nose if running (though it wasn’t before we left the house that morning). I first thought to myself, shoot, now I’m getting sick. Within a few moments it hit me – I took a little of the lady in the restroom’s cold away from her. I took on her symptoms…The runny nose went away a few minutes later.

On a particular summer morning, my kids were having friends come over to play and the mom and I were going to hang out while they played. Prior to them arriving I would feel myself getting riled up a bit. Almost angry. I blamed those feelings on the fact that my house was filthy and if I took better care of the cleaning side of things, I’d be less stressed before people come over. Well, after everyone arrives and the kids are sent off to play, I find out that the mom is at her wits end with her children for none of them listening or behaving properly over the last few days, and low and behold her husband had been putting in a lot of time  in at work and not around the house a lot to help with the kids. After hearing what was going on, I got that little kick in my gut and thought to myself, “This is why I was so stressed this morning, never mind the house.”

One afternoon while walking down our block, I remember walking by a certain house and feeling the overwhelming sadness that the parents are feeling because their teen-aged children are always on the go and about to move out of the house for the next chapters of their lives. This was confirmed to me in a later conversation with one of the home owners as he was giving me a lecture reminding me to hang on to the moments that I have now with my kids while they are younger because once they get older, you’ll be sad that they are up and leaving.

Last April I remember sitting in my bathroom I remember feeling a strong sense of sadness and I couldn’t help but to keep thinking that “Life as we know it, will never be the same again.” Strong words, and well, some that can ignite panic. A day or so later at the bus stop I learned of a family in the neighborhood who lost their son a few evenings prior in an automobile accident. I called a friend of mine who was friends with this neighbor asking if she knew of the son’s passing. She didn’t. A few days later she phones me to thank me again for letting her know about the accident as she went over to visit the family. She shared with me that though the family was grieving, they knew that they would see their son again someday. And they now have to learn to figure out a ‘new normal’ because (according to what my friend said) they said, “Life as they know it will never be the same.”

(Sit on that one for a moment.)

Another morning while getting ready I started to feel really sluggish and out of it, which was odd because I thought that I had been eating well, drinking the necessarily liquids and actually got a decent night’s sleep. (A rarity, the sleep anyway.) Later that morning I went to get my hair done. While sitting in the chair, my stylist kept yawning and was noticeably tired. She complained of feeling fatigued and feeling out of it that day and thought that she might be coming down with something. After leaving the beauty shop and grabbing some lunch I felt totally fine.

Back in the fall of, or the latter half of 2015, I remember getting such an urge to stock pile bottled water, that it wasn’t even funny. We had the usual cases in the garage and periodically I kept adding to more and more cases in our front hall closet. It was to the point that my husband would make snide comments about it and I even had a friend and another time a relative give me a weird look when I opened up the hall closet door and they saw the inventory of water we had. (Again, insert snide comment towards me here.) It took me a while to put the pieces of this together, but what I think really happened with this situation was, (or what feelings I was feeling) were, well, Flint Michigan and their water crisis.

Now there are times when I don’t find this gift to be as exhausting and actually helpful in a sense. For example, one day my mouth kept hurting on a specific side. I noticed it again a day or so after when one of my children were with me. I asked, “Does the upper, left side of your mouth hurt you today?” The response was “Yes” in a matter-of-fact way. Well, later, we realized that my child’s upper molars were popping through — On the left side!

I’ve also been able to use this gift to feel when one of my children are about to get sick, for instance I can get a severe stomach ache before anyone mentions that they feel like they are going to throw up, or I can feel my nose start to itch or feel dry on one side or the other only to have one of my children come home from school to say that they were sent down to the Nurse’s Office that day for a bloody nose. (I’ve gotten so good at this game I’ll guess which side the nose bleed happened on before I later hear about it.)

I can also have my parents over for a visit and know that my Father’s back is hurting him because, well, mine will too. This helps me to know to keep the kids from playing too rough with him.

Being an Empath is a blessing and can feel like a curse, but as I learn to live with this gift, I feel lucky to have it.

What are some of your Empathic stories??

 

Guilt That I Don’t Know What to do With This!

Well, here we go again. Today I have a morning where I am “vibrating” again. I even pass on coffee as I feel I can’t shake on the inside anymore. My heart was pounding, was dizzy. I prayed that I didn’t pass out in the shower and my kids would find me. I remember thinking: Will they even realize to call 911?? (We’ve gone through the drill many times!)

After the kids headed off to school, I headed to a friend’s house to help her and her family pack for what was an “unexpected” move, to those of us who thought we were close to her. (Not so unexpected to them.) I make it through the packing ok. Maybe because I am distracted by the work that needed to be done, or maybe because I was getting good at “holding it together” in front of others.

I headed home a little before lunch and the vibrating, heart-pounding, dizziness thing started to happen again. I decided to ask out loud: “Please go away – I am not working right now. Also, please stop making me feel sick!” (Free will!) Soon after, it was like someone flipped the switch. The vibrating feeling on the inside of my body went away. My heart stopped pounding and the dizziness disappeared. I was drained, but the feelings were gone. I had a moment of normalcy.

Later that afternoon, after one of my children got off of the bus after school, he walks in the door and tells me that one of his buddies from the neighborhood who he hangs out with often, just had his 98-year old grandfather pass away. He also mentioned that the Grandfather was living with the boy and his family when he passed.

I processed this for a while trying to piece the puzzle of my day together.

The feelings and symptoms that I had been feeling….

The “turning it off” and having it work for me earlier that afternoon…

The death that my child just informed me about….

One thing that popped into my head was the idea that the grandfather might possibly be trying to contact me. Technically, by proximity, I was the closet (and he probably thought the easiest) medium of contact that he could have used in the event that he needed help delivering a message to his family. I mean we are literally talking 5 houses down and over one….

This is one of those moments that I feel good that I may have figured a little more of this gift out, but then I am really bothered by the fact that I don’t know how to use it or how to help with it. Really a feeling of guilt like I mislead a spirit who thought that I could have helped. – MB

Dreams, Numbers and Nauseousness

Last night I had a dream and in it, a post card was shown to me. I remember trying to look at it again and again to see what “clues” I could get from it. I am not sure what was on the postcard, I think that I remember a mountain being on the front of the card and a note on the back, but I remember not being able to make out the handwriting.

This morning I felt nauseous. A common feeling over the past week – No I am not pregnant. I managed to run to the store so that dinner and lunches could be had. While checking out, the receipt total came to $111.11.

reciept2-watermark

When the number 1 is repeated many times to display numbers such as 11, 111, or 1111; it is a sign from the other side saying that you are being guided. It isn’t a destination, but more of an invitation. Spirits use numbers to try to get our attention to something more spiritually significant.

According to Doreen Virtue, 1, 11, 111, and 1111 in Angel Numbers all mean: “Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts are manifesting instantly into form. Focus only upon your desires and not upon your fears.”

Later I took a photo of the receipt from my recent store visit and shared it with a friend of mine who works with angels and guides, and also performs reiki healing. My friend suggested that I look up information on “Clairsentience.”

Clairsentience means “Clear Feeling” or “Clear Sensing” and it is a heightened form of empathy. Clairsentience is the ability to feel the present, past or future physical and emotional states of others, without the use of the normal five senses. (I am not sure why my friend suggested that I get familiar with the word, but I never thought to question it.)

She also suggested that I mediate in the morning for 20-30 minutes to see if that helps me with my nauseousness.  We’ll see if I can get myself to do so.  Making time and space to mediate is a challenge for me, or so I think.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.