Son of a B****! I Hate that I can’t Translate this Stuff

I get images that pop into my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I get frustrated by this because sometimes the images that I get can be graphic and I always think to myself, “Can I stop something horrific from happening with this knowledge??” I don’t ever want to have the guilt of feeling that something may happen and I didn’t do anything about it.

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So time and time again (and I’ve shared before) I get images that pop into my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I get frustrated by this because sometimes the images that I get can be graphic and I always think to myself, “Can I stop something horrific from happening with this knowledge??” I don’t ever want to have the guilt of feeling that something may happen and I didn’t do anything about it.

On Monday, after the kids get on the bus, and I am off and running to knock out some errands. As I am exiting the neighborhood, I pass a neighbor who lives a street over. This particular neighbor suffered a heart attack a few years ago. I immediately get an image in my head of this man going into his home. He’s home alone and he suffers a heart attack! This “idea” that popped in my head was so strong, I got the feeling that I wanted to turn the car around and check on him.

Now, this is the first part that I struggle with when this happens: What if I go to this neighbor’s house and knock on the door, tell him what I just thought and then low and behold nothing comes of it?? I am labeled as officially being CRAZY! That is what will happen.

I, myself, on the way home from running errands, experience some chest pains. (Random symptoms that I experience always put me into a tizzy and at times lead to panic.) I have spent many a day and many a dollar in doctors offices, emergency rooms and urgent care centers with a slew of random symptoms that never seem to have answers.

Fast forward a few hours to later that morning. My phone starts blowing up with Facebook messages regarding a college friend whose father just passed that morning. I ask the sender of the message if this passing was expected or not. She replies with: “Heart Attack!”

Son of a B****! I hate that I can’t translate this stuff. I am sure that I need to be meditating more, grounding myself more… all of the usual. But I find it frustrating that I don’t know how to navigate with the information, signs and symbols that I am given. Talk about a head trip!

DOES ANYBODY ELSE OUT THERE STRUGGLE WITH THIS???!?

 

Do You Hear Things?

I woke up in the middle of the night the other night to the sound of my refrigerator door opening and then closing.

Back in July I had a Reading in which I found out that I have some Spiritual Gifts. During the Reading the Intuitive Medium brought up that I have a lot of energy. She said that I had Monkey Mind and that it is hard for me to get still. (All true!)

She also asked if I had a hard time sleeping. I confirmed that I did and that I also seem to wake up regularly around 2:00 and 3:00 AM. She confirmed that that is a “prime time” for when Spirits come to visit. It is also a time that information comes.

The next thing she asked, which I never really thought of too much until she brought it up was – “Do you hear things??” I thought for a minute and then realized yes, I suppose I hear a bump here, a movement there, but I never thought too hard about it.

Later after I processed this for a bit I realized that there is a lot that I hear. For example, over the years I have woke up to the sound of a dog bark. Not barking, but a quick, short, bark. The way our dog (or dogs in the past) have barked in the middle of the night to go out. This has happened time and time again where I have heard this, woke up and gone to the back door to find no animal needing to go out. I would then go and investigate and find the dog sound asleep somewhere not looking as if he’s moved for hours. Sometimes I would blow it off as I was just having a dream. Other times I would blame it on the dog, maybe he’s having a dream and barked in his sleep.

There have been times that I think I hear someone call “Mom” in the middle of the night. I wake to find none of my children in my room. I go and check all of the kids’ rooms and find everyone tucked in and sound asleep. Again, in the past, I always thought that maybe I was dreaming, or the kids were talking in their sleep. Perhaps not.

Finally, and this is a big one that happened for me recently that made me reflect on the question: “Do I hear things?” I woke up in the middle of the night the other night to the sound of my refrigerator door opening and then closing. I remember instantly opening my eyes once I heard it to find my husband still sound asleep so it wasn’t like he went to the kitchen for a midnight snack or something to drink. I then checked on the children, none of which have ever helped themselves to food or a drink in the middle of the night, and, well, they are fast asleep. I remember just stopping in my tracks for a moment and letting it sink in that yes, I.do.hear.things!

This was real. I heard it plain as day.

I didn’t feel threatened by it, it just really sunk in that I am not alone.

I fell crazy for this, but I’m not (totally!) crazy!

Now here are some things that the Intuitive Medium shared with me that I thought was helpful:

I am hearing things at night because my mind is at rest. (Well, that makes sense. No kids, pets, spouse, phones, technology clamoring after me.) When Spirits pick up on someone being sensitive, they flock to that person. They can all crowd around and talk at the same time because they are exited. When this happens, I should tell Spirit to back off and remind them that they are all crowding and talking to me at once. (They get excited when they think they might be able to get their message across.) She suggested that I be firm. Tell them (Spirit) to “Get in line, and to speak one at a time.” I should delegate.

After hearing this, I was curious if the Spirits around me need my help or if they were around to help me? The Intuitive Medium told me that she saw that some were serving the purpose of guidance, (for example she picked up on a strong female guide who is trying to help me). She said that others are around me because when people walk around “open” such as I am right now, I am actually attracting spirits.

Wow! This just got a little more real!

 

Monkey Mind – What is Monkey Mind?

I interpret monkey mind as the mental clutter that is stopping me from living in the Present and acts as a distraction that is stopping me from being the productive person that I once was.

In my Reading the other day, Jill brought up that I have “Monkey Mind.” My mind is mush, I know that much. I used to have it together – the house, the kids, me, a career. These days, I’m lucky to know my name and my right hand from my left.

I looked up the term: Monkey Mind. It is a Buddhist term meaning “unsettled; restless; capricious; whimsical; fanciful; inconstant; confused; indecisive; uncontrollable“. Yup, that is about right. That is how I feel on a regular basis these days.  I also feel that my head never shuts off and is in constant motion. For example:

  • My mind is always thinking about what needs to be done – House, Children, Husband, Volunteering, Work….
  • My mind is constantly looping the list of fears that I have, both real and imaginary. (One day we’ll get into that more.
  • My mind is constantly recalling hurtful things that have happened in the past – family drama, parents, siblings, in-laws, out-laws, work-related, friendship related, you name it.
  • I’m always judging the present and feel that I keep re-hashing the past.
  • And this big one, which is really no joke: My mind continuously creating catastrophic “what-if” scenarios of the future. (Another one that I’ll get into another time.)

I interpret monkey mind as the mental clutter that is stopping me from living in the Present and acts as  a distraction that is stopping me from being the productive person that I once was. It is time to get the monkey off of my back – or at least out of my mind!

Has anyone else dealt with this sort of crazy?

What have you done to get rid of it?