I Don’t Look Like Your Stereotypical Love-and-Light, Patchouli, Intuitive Medium, and I was Disregarded for it

I recently went to an event that took place about a half hour from where I live that promoted itself as a one-stop location for holistic, health, and wellness. Communication about the event advertised its vendors specializing in such things as: Body and Energy Work, Tarot Readers, Mediums, and Astrologers, Henna Artists, Musicians and Local Artisans, Crystal Vendors, as well as other vendors having Holistic and Natural Products for both family and pets.

Since my “Awakening” I have not attended any metaphysical-related events. My Acupuncturist was going to be exhibiting at the event so I decided that I would go and check it out and if nothing else, I would be supporting my Acupuncturist by stopping by and saying hello to her. I also figured that I could use my Acupuncturist as an excuse to my husband as to why I was going to go and check out this “Health Fair” as I referred to it to him. (Wink! Wink!)

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I figured what’s the worst that could happen, I get back in my car and leave?? I did let my Acupuncturist know that I was thinking of going. Her response was, “I’m curious to know thoughts on it if you do go.” (Looking back, this was a clue. A clue for me.)

The day was a bit chilly as it was early November. I dressed as I normally would. As if I was meeting a friend out to lunch. I had on a black, long-sleeved cotton shirt and on top of that I put a red, tartan plaid wrap on. I wore a pair of jeans and tall, (flat) black boots and I finished my look with black satchel handbag that I use (and beat up) almost every day. I did my hair normally and slapped on the usual makeup.  If anything I looked a little “Fall-ish” in my outfit, but I didn’t think anything of it as it is something that I would wear on many occasions when leaving the house. (See the image below for the wrap that I wore. I originally bought it from a boutique in my hometown, but it is still available online from different stores.)

plaid wrap

I got to the venue and made my way to the entrance. A man and woman arrived around the same time and both were friendly and we made small talk. I was sort of excited to see what was on the other side of the door as I had never been to this event before. Once I walked into the main area of the venue, I heard someone playing a guitar and saw a bunch of tables organized around the room with vendors at each of them. There was a variety of items on display. I made my way to a jewelry vendor. I started to look at a few things on her table. I noticed that she didn’t really make eye contact with me after her last customer walked away. I said “Hello” and she looked up and said “Hi” and then looked away.

I made my way to a few more tables. I stopped by a few crystal vendors – one acknowledged me, the other just looked at me and carried on with whatever she was doing. I then stopped at a holistic pet booth. I purchased a product there, but the vendor didn’t seem very grateful for the sale or conversation,but perked up when the next person behind me started looking at her products.

I eventually made my way to the part of the room where the psychics were giving readings and where energy workers were trying to sell their “healing packages.”  I sort of just kept wandering around the room and observed. I tried to see if I got the urge to sit for any of the readers. I did feel the pull to go to an energy worker, but once she started talking, I realized that she was trying to sell me on a package deal for a lot of money, which was in essence the same thing that my Reiki gal already does for me for the fraction of the price.

I did see my acupuncturist and stopped by her booth to say hello. She greeted me with a big hug and said that she was happy to see me. I didn’t want to take up too much of her time as she had a bunch of attendees in her space trying an acupuncture treatment and I wanted to be respectful.

I walked around some more sizing up the psychics in the room. I’ll be honest, I didn’t care for the energy that most gave off. (I suppose that I can say the same thing about many of the vendors who were there as well.) I did come across a local intuitive life coach who I have heard of and follow on social media. I decided to sit for a reading with him. The reading went well and had some good information in it, so not all was lost that afternoon. After the reading I stopped by my Acupuncturist’s booth again and told her that I was going to head out. We said that we’d see each other at my next appointment.

On my way home I processed what I saw, “felt” and observed at the event. I was a bit surprised that my hair wasn’t blown back. (I like to use that phrase. I got it from a good friend of mine.) I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t meet someone there who may help me on my “journey” shall we say. I was but yet I really wasn’t surprised that though I was in a setting with self-proclaimed “spiritual,” and “love and light” sort of people, it wasn’t further from the truth. I have always known but proved to myself after being at this event that I don’t fit the ideal look or mold of a light worker, intuitive medium, whatever you want to call me.  However, I don’t fit in in most places that I go, so why should this be any different?

The best spiritual teachers, vendors, shop owners, energy workers and psychics whom I have met are accepting of all, no matter what they look like or where they come from. They have no judgement. Clearly the people at this event are not part my “tribe” as they say.

When you are Reflecting Back What People Don’t Like about Themselves, Seeing Two Deceased Fathers in a Room, and at the End of the Day You Know that the Pot-Stirrer is really stirring the Pot Because She Needs Attention: It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding!

Vibrating higher - NaysayersI recently attended my first family wedding since I became aware that I was going through a Spiritual Awakening Process – the process in which my metaphysical gifts have grown stronger. The only other large event that has taken place since my gifts have gotten stronger was a Memorial Service for a relative. You can read about it here:  https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/when-you-sense-people-in-the-room-turning-on-you-and-it-starts-to-feel-trippy/

As amazed as I was by people’s behavior towards me that evening, I was more stunned by the idea that I already knew that people would be treating me the way they did. I think on some level I thought that I could get through to certain individuals and break down walls and start the family healing that I believe is falling on my shoulders. I talk about that toward the end of a previous blog post. You can read that here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/17/we-are-just-here-to-celebrate-a-wedding-and-that-is-it/

I will happily add that I started to lose some weight a week or so before the wedding and to this day, it is still falling off with really no effort or intention on my part. It is as though my “layer of protection” that I have packed on (you can read about here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/ive-heard-of-the-freshman-fifteen-but-nobody-mentioned-the-awakening-15-to-me/ ) started to melt away as I got confident in myself, the angel messages that I had received and what I had to deal with at this wedding. The weight has continued to come off after as I replay in my head what I observed in people that evening. I have also been more honest with telling some people around me about my gifts, which I believe has assisted in dropping the weight as well.

So, about the wedding… (Which was really beige and not white, by the way.)

While getting ready for the wedding, I had some down time and I used that time to center myself, go over what I needed to do (radiate my light and spread love to those around me. This is the message that I got from my Guides a few weeks back.) I talked to my “spiritual team” (Guides and Angels) and even performed some Reiki on myself. I

Pyrite rose gold
My handbag, Rose Quartz and Pyrite.

knew that my grandmother, (my father’s mother) would be walking along side of me that evening. I’ve known it for months.  I was as ready as I was going to be. I was calm and relaxed and ready for whatever was going to come my way. I threw some crystals in my purse. I took rose quarts and pyrite. (Rose quartz is the stone of the heart, a crystal of unconditional love that carries a soft feminine energy of compassion and peace, tenderness and healing, nourishment and comfort. Pyrite is a protector of negative energy as well as a stone that give a confidence boost.) I performed my usual energy protection rituals and then we were off. There was a shuttle bus that could have taken us to the wedding venue, but we chose to drive by ourselves.

My husband and I arrived at the chapel prior to my parents and sister. We grabbed a seat and saved room for others to join us as the seats were filling up fast. We had a row further back. I was in the corner but felt it was a comfortable space where I could observe from. We got a wave from some members of my Uncle’s side of the family toward the front row, but no body offered for us to move up, which was fine, we don’t feel we are the first tier of people to be up in front anyway.

While waiting, I saw my cousin Ann*, my second cousin Lynn* and her mother, Auntie J.* walk in.

Beautiful-form-of-communication.-640x640My husband was standing in the aisle while I was sitting in the pew. Lynn walked by and gave my husband a quick hug and tried to scoot by with just a  wave and a hello to me, but I got up and greeted her with a hug. Then I see her mother, Auntie J.  I went up to her and she let me hug her, but then I go to kiss her on the cheek and she turned away. I noticed what has happened but carry on without missing a beat. As that was taking place, my cousin Ann said a side-ways “hello” more to my husband, than to me, and tried to walk behind everyone and avoid me. I moved closer to her and hugged her and said, “It’s great to see you.” She murmured the same back and walked to the front of the church where my uncle’s side of the family was seated. I can honestly say that I treated each lady with love and respect from the get-go that evening.

Next my parents arrived. They squeezed in and my mother asked where my sister is. She walks in (she arrived with the first three gals, but stopped off at the ladies room) and my mother called for her to sit by us. I gave her a hug as she sat down near my mother and me. I could tell that she was irritated that she had to sit by me and my parents, as she would have preferred to sit up front with the cousins, but let’s be honest, your parents come first. At one point my cousin Ann motions to my sister that there is room where they are sitting up front, but then my mom chimed in and asked if there was room for all of us, and that ended that. You could see my sister’s disgust in her body language as she realized that she was “stuck” with us for the ceremony.

As the ceremony is ready to get started, I saw my Uncle, the father of the groom, and we make eye contact. I give both him and the groom’s brother a hello as they pass by and see me.  They weren’t sure what to make of my “hello” but wave back.

Before and during the ceremony, no matter what I would say to my sister to attempt to make conversation, she would say the opposite. I would say left, she’d say right, I’d mention up, she’d say down.  No matter what I tried to do to get anywhere with her, I couldn’t so I took a break from trying until later in the evening.

The ceremony was very nontraditional and had more of a “comedy” theme to it. Others seemed to relate to the inside jokes that were said and the tone of the ceremony. Though it was a nice ceremony I didn’t connect with it, but I reminded myself that I didn’t relate to many of the people who were in the chapel and vice versa, they didn’t understand me in the least bit, but all of that was OK. We were there to celebrate the marriage of a bride and groom who were starting their life out together. It didn’t matter what the rest of us thought. It was their day. The day was how THEY want it to be. Outside opinions didn’t matter.

Once the ceremony concluded, we stepped outside and waited for the bride and groom to come out of the chapel. My parents, husband and I greeted my Aunt and Uncle (the mother and father of the groom). All four of us exchanged hugs and handshakes are exchanged and we are told “Thank you for coming.” My initial thought was, “Great! Everyone is acting cordial.”

While waiting for the couple to come out, I saw my Uncle’s sister-in-law. We’ll call her “Pat*”. Pat had a really cute dress and flats on and I complimented her on her dress and shoes. She commented back, referring to the wedges that I was wearing, about how she followed the rules on the wedding invite and wore flats as suggested, to the outdoor venue. Her comment seemed a bit icy, but I believed the comment had more to do with her, wishing she didn’t wear the flats, than with me.

On the way to the tented reception, I stopped off to the ladies room. There I made small talk with strangers who were in there. I am one who normally will make small talk with strangers and offer a smile or lift them up with a compliment. As I looked in the mirror, I could see (and feel) that I was still vibrating high.

On my way out of the ladies room, my sister and cousin Ann walk past my husband not acknowledging him until they saw me and then they said something. I let it go and made some light-hearted comment back and we headed toward the reception tent.

Once in the tent, we got our table assignments. My husband (the only male who would be at our table) and I were going to be seated with my sister, Ann, Lynn and Auntie J. My parents were seated at a different table. I could see the disappointment on my husband and father’s faces that they weren’t going to get to sit together. I could also sense my mother’s dismay as well.  I decided that we weren’t going to sit down quite yet and visit around the room first, but I also made sure that we acknowledge those who were at our table prior to sitting down. My husband and I took the long way toward our table and stopped at the bar first. I filled him in on what I had seen/sensed from other’s actions towards me at the church. To a certain degree he doesn’t see or understand fully what I see and feel as he is not an Intuitive Empath or a Highly Sensitive Person like I am.

We stopped by the bar and I asked for a cranberry and tonic. I made a point to not drink alcohol about 5 days before the wedding, as well as to not drink at the wedding for two reasons: Alcohol can block the flow of spiritual gifts. (Five days might not sound like much to some, but I feel like almost every day an excuse pops up to have a drink – a glass of wine on the patio, a drink out with the girls, a cocktail after the kids are in bed, etc.) Also, coming from a family tree of heavy drinkers, I decided that I didn’t need anyone accusing me of acting a “certain way” because maybe I had too much to drink.

On the way to the bar I saw a man’s face that seemed to transform into Lynn’s father’s face, who had passed. The face gave me a deep, knowing look into my eyes. I let it pass. Sort of questioning it.

While at the bar, Pat’s husband came up and talked to me and my husband. All was fine. We just made small talk. Also while in line I see my aunt and uncle’s sister in law, Jilly*. Jilly (as well as Pat) have a history or coming up to me at family events, especially Jilly, if they are the current target of negativity, or on the outs with, well shall we say, may Aunt Marie,* the mother of the groom. In the past, when they have been short on people to “chat” with at family functions, they will chat it up with me to kill time. That wasn’t happening at this function. But when you have been the target before, you don’t want to piss off the Ring Leader, so you abide by the “rules” and follow suit. This cycle of icing somebody out has happened for generations. It happened with my Great Grandmother, my grandmother and great aunt, and with my aunt and cousins now. Jilly and I never had a problem making conversation before but while in line at the bar, I said hello, gave her a hug and complimented her on the jacket she had on. In an adverse tone, and no eye contact, she replied, “Thanks, my daughters picked it out.” And turned her back and walked away. That was that. She was done.

I made a stop at our table before I made my way over to check out the dessert table and found some cute, older gals standing by a heater to try to keep warm. (It was not quite 50 degrees out and raining.) We chatted it up a bit. I enjoyed their smiles and warm energy, no pun intended.

After viewing the dessert table, I stopped by my mother who is trying to get organized at her assigned table. Her and my father’s seats keep getting pushed down further to the end of the table as Pat was organizing who should sit where. I tried to make small talk with Pat and my mother, but Pat didn’t make eye contact with me and tried to zip a zinger comment my way to make me “feel dumb” which I was aware of. At that point, I just moved on.

Since we are lacking family photos as a whole and we were all dressed up, my mother found a nice back drop and takes some photos in front of. We called my sister over so that she could join us.  While this was taking place, I could feel the negative energy and comments from those hanging out at the table we are to be seated at in a bit.

FB_IMG_1520543985906After my mom was done with taking photos, my sister and dad start talking by the DJ’s table. I went up and tried to join in the conversation. My husband eventually joined as well. No matter what conversation starter I asked my sister, the harsh, snippy responses were thrown back in my direction. I almost asked her what was wrong, why the tone, is there something that I did? The look on the face and body language couldn’t be ignored either, but then I remembered, we were just there for a wedding. If I asked too much, I might have gotten a negative reaction and we didn’t need to make a spectacle. I just let it be. At the end of the day, I knew that her issues are her own and they have to do with the way that my parents raised us differently, under the same roof. I was raised in such a way that I became more independent and she was the one who was (and still is) always coddled and never confronted for her actions. I have also learned that she uses her body language as a way to get attention as the victim. Victims play the victim for the sake of attention.

It was finally time to sit down for dinner. As we sat down, I caught a glimpse of what looked like and reminded me of Ann’s father who had passed. I saw him look over at me and I sensed that deep knowing look.  I knew he was there. Once we sat, I sensed the awkwardness kicking in, heads were down and everyone focused on their plates. It was more than a resting bitch face for some. In some cases, it was also the shoulders slumped forward.  I decide to just take the lead and nip the awkward silence in the bud. I paid particular attention to MY own body language making sure that I was “open” to others and not closed off. I started with Ann. I ask, “Ann, how are the kids doing?” and in response to my question, I got an abrupt and angered “Fine, how are yours?” back. I saw Lynn’s eyes pop out of her head so I knew that I wasn’t playing up the dramatics of the tone that was used. Ann dialed it back a bit and asked me, “How are yours?” I kept my gentle tone consistent and explained some of my kids’ recent activities and then moved on to Lynn and asked about her son and she showed some photos from his Senior Prom.

I sat at the table with my arms open under the table and my palms facing upward. I recall during the speeches literally sending love and a bright white light to those at my table. I saw the gentleman who looked like Lynn’s father pass by again. I got the long gaze as he came by. I struggled with what to do with that, but clearly at this point in time, and after watching people’s behavior, my thoughts were that nobody was ready to accept the gifts that I have or the messages that could be delivered because they’d be coming from me. I do think that Lynn’s father popped up twice to me because her mother was also at the table. Though they were divorced when he passed, I know that there is still love and hurt there. Better yet, I think that Lynn’s son’s soul is that of her brother that passed away at birth. Again, nobody is ready to hear this.

b3780144a617e2bc4566222df14fbf26I tried to chat with my sister a few more times while we were still sitting at dinner. I asked her questions about her work, her dog, and so forth. Still, not getting very far. While at the table I couldn’t help but to notice the “looks” back and forth between Lynn and Ann throughout the evening. At times I see my sister looking at Ann and Lynn’s non-verbal communication, but I could tell that she’s not in on it. She was more the third wheel that was used when they needed a bigger team. I particularly picked up on the looks and vibes whenever my dad walked up. (My poor father kept trying to come over and talk to my husband because he had little conversation at his table and equally felt bad for my husband.)

Eventually, the bride and groom danced their first dance together. They danced to what was my deceased Aunt and Uncle’s song – Ann’s parents. When the song is over, I literally saw my aunt and uncle joined together and waving at me as the song concluded. I smiled and thanked them.

At some point my sister, Lynn and Ann go off and dance. I felt bad for Auntie J. being left alone so my husband and I stayed seated at the table. At one point, when the ladies returned to the table, I was taken aback at what I saw. I saw a gray color around them. Not so much their aura, but more like their skin, hair and bodies, it was like I saw their “toxicity.” (To me, an aura is more the outline energy field of the body and not the body itself.)

My husband and I danced to a slow song. My father grabbed Ann for the dance. I know why my father did it. Ann is a connection to my deceased Aunt for him. She was uncomfortable with it, but that had more to do with her actions than his.

After dancing, I saw my Aunt Maria sitting by herself watching the dance floor. I thought that it would be a good time to go over and try to say something to her. After all, things seemed fine when we walked out of the chapel. I bent down and told her, “Today was really nice, don’t you think?” She turned halfway, gave me a glare and replied, “Yeah, thanks.” And turned her back toward me. I bent down again, thinking I would try again, but decided to just leave it.

32452343_365986140589779_1026768973569458176_nI know that she is the pot-stirrer of this whole current family mess.  In all fairness, she grew up around similar actions. (When you know better, you do better.) I  know that she harbors a lot of anger and resentment which if not released, will turn into disease. I believe it will be bone cancer if she doesn’t break the cycle. I also known that when people stir the pot, they are doing so to put attention on them. For whatever reason THEY need attention so they try to get it by creating drama.

At that moment, I remember thinking to myself that I was thankful (for the first time in my life) for a girl who I went to school with – The Prom Queen. She was also a pot-stirrer and she was great at getting the room to turn on a person. I didn’t realize until now that the aggravation that she caused me years ago actually prepared me for moments like these.

At this point in the evening, I felt that I had only gotten as far as I was going to get with people in the room and that it was time to go. My mom gave me a strange look when I told her that my husband and I were saying our good byes and heading out. (My dad on the other hand was wishing that he could leave with us.)

I realize that my parents are trying to keep their noses clean in this family drama situation. My Aunt Maria is my father’s only living original family member left left so they don’t want to ruin that. Never mind that my father was taught his whole life to keep his head down and to avoid conflict. With that said, if people were treating my sister that evening the way that they were treating me, he would have been all over it making phone calls and having conversations behind the scenes to try to fix things on her behalf. I need to chalk it up to: My parents think that I am independent and can handle this.

Before leaving, we look for my Uncle to say “goodbye” to. I never got confirmation (yet) on the watch that my uncle was wearing at the wedding, but I have a feeling that someday in the future I will. (Refer back to my previous blog.) He was very pleasant and appreciative. A very different energy than my Aunt’s Marie’s. He put his hand on my back when we left and I felt his energy towards me – the energy of touch means more than words.

I am glad that we drove separately and didn’t take the shuttle back to the hotel. It turns out that Lynn was running her mouth on the bus ripping the ceremony and wedding apart with the bride two seats away from her. Definitely not the final words a Bride wants to end her special day on.

The next day, word gets to me that some thought that I was acting “fake” at the wedding and Ann had felt the need to reference me as “someone who flaunts their sainthood in order to find their horns.” At the end of the day I know that people’s issues are their own and their behaviors have to do with how they are really feeling about themselves. Empaths are mirrors to others. We reflect back to others what they don’t like about themselvesempaths reflect back and what they need to change or to work on. Let’s also remember that empaths don’t do fake.

If I was acting out of my normal range, my husband would have been the first to call me out on it, right then and there on it. I know in my heart that I was acting authentically.

I also realize that I vibrate higher than those I was around at the wedding. As a rule, when you vibrate higher, toxic people fall away from you. They also don’t know how to approach you. (I have learned this along my awakening journey.)

When it was time to head back home, I closed the hotel room door behind me. Before doing so, I paused for a moment. It felt symbolic. Like I was turning a page or even closing a book cover. Perhaps some family healing was put into motion the day of the wedding. Only time will tell.

*Names and some timeline order of events have been changed to protect people’s privacy.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

When the Person Who Got Your Job Eliminated, Unexpectedly Loses a Child Who Needs to Cross Over

Today I was cleaning my office and I came across a sympathy card that I purchased but never filled out or sent. It was from last summer. Last June to be exact. It was for a woman who I used to work with who lost her child unexpectedly.

More and more as my gifts develop, I find myself intending to send sympathy cards but at the end of the day, I don’t always send anymore. (Unless I feel a real tug to share a message from the other side with someone who is grieving. That has happened, but I write the card as if it is from me, not the person who has passed.) I feel that by me sending love and light to the situation, the healing from that is greater than a card that may get lost in the shuffle of transition.

Let’s back up a few years. I was hired on at a non-profit company in a marketing/communications role. The person who lined up the interviews, the one who I thought that I clicked with, who I actually became good “office friends” with, was ready to take her Maternity Leave. She was in a hurry to get the position filled and due to the urgency, I was the one the job was offered to. I don’t know if I was the right one for the job, but I was the lucky winner.

The climate at this “company” was interesting. Really, exhausting at times trying to keep up with the political non-sense that happened behind the scenes and the constant scheming done by others. Looking back, I think that a lot of the exhaustion came from being zapped by such a vast cast of characters as an Empath. (At the time, I was clueless about my gifts.) Additionally, I remember finding myself shutting down a lot when my antenna would go up around unauthentic people. I also recall seeing employees mouths move about what they were doing, needed done, etc., but remember thinking what I was hearing and thinking did not matching up. I remember at times just trying to keep my head down and do my job. The individual who hired me, always seemed like a beacon of light in the craziness. She was one to vent to and would give insight that usually made everything better and kept me on track. That was, until a few years later when I became pregnant and took the standard Maternity Leave that most do. Right before I was out on leave, the company acquired a new President (out with the old and in with the new) and an organizational reorg was in the works. Right before leaving, the climate changed… every man (and woman) for him or herself!

While on leave, I got a call from our team admin that my departmental boss, was one of those who got canned in the re-org. Deep inside I knew that my job would be on the line now that my “protector” was gone. And part of me wanted to get canned to be home with my new baby, partly because I knew that would be easier than convincing my husband that I shouldn’t work.

Two weeks and two minutes after returning to work after Maternity Leave, I got a meeting request to meet in an out-of-the-way meeting room, with HR and the new President. Need I say more, I got my walking papers. Later I figured out that my “office friend” who hired me, jockeyed to save her job while she threw me under the bus, along with a few others. When this happened, I was hurt by her. Now looking back, I thank her as it was a blessing in disguise to be out of that place. Needless to say how things ended, I haven’t stayed in contact with her. We are not connected on social media. She equally has not reached out to me.

Then last June, it was brought to my attention, that a little girl passed away unexpectedly a few suburbs away. I won’t go into details for anonymity reasons, but this story was on local news stations and traveling through Facebook feeds and it honestly took me a few days to “hear” the story, and to connect the dots of who the child was and how I was connected to her. I was in shock and disbelief of her passing and sad for the family and those around them. My heart literally ached. As much as I wanted to reach out to the mother, I didn’t. I figured it wouldn’t matter if she heard from me or not. Eventually I purchased a Sympathy card to send, however that never got sent.

After I digested what happened for a few days, I felt like I started seeing a little girl around me. Of course new in the development of my gifts, I questioned myself that maybe I was just “making this up.” We’d have some short conversations, (none of which discussed how she passed). Usually in my bedroom or while I was in my bathroom off my bedroom getting ready – I seem to get more conversations and ear buzzing in those two rooms. (In fact, I once had a reading and it was brought up that the gal who was reading me saw me laying in my bed with a number of spirits/guides around me.)

The final conversation that I remember having with her was while I was brushing my teeth before bed. I told her that she needed to go visit her mom, her dad and her brother in their dreams that night and tell them that she loves them and to tell them good bye.  (I remember thinking that they needed the “good bye dream” for closure. I couldn’t explain why I felt that way, it just came into my head.) After she disappeared after that conversation, I never saw her again. I can only assume that she crossed over, though I never actually saw it happen. When this did happen, I really didn’t know how to cross people over. I can’t say that I 100% do, even now as I write this. I also don’t have any relationship with her family, so I won’t learn that way, either.

As I decide to put the card away with my other stationary, I realize that the card was irrelevant compared to the prayers and love that I sent, and the conversations that I had with the child. I still pray for her family from time-to-time and send love and light to her mother.

It is also interesting where these gifts take me in this lifetime and how we are all inter-connected. Was the purpose of my relationship with my “work friend” tied to the future interaction that I didn’t know at the time I’d be having with her deceased daughter?

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Which Came First? The Firemen or the Smoke Alarm?

So last night was interesting. There were storms in the area, and unfortunately a few tornadoes touched down in towns nearby. During one of the earlier storms in the evening, while my husband was downstairs with the kids (they feel safer down there and can’t hear the rumbling as much, I “felt” like, or envisioned, that three men came to the front door. At first they seemed to be dressed in layers, dirty, and at least one of them was carrying something. It made me feel uneasy so I asked for protection from my usual helpers. Then I sort of let this go, though I found myself double checking to make sure that doors were locked.

Later that night with more storms coming and going, we all ended up in the basement. All of the kids wanted to sleep down there, and wanted me and my husband with them. So after we all kept changing sleeping places, trying to get comfortable, I end up on the floor. I kept hearing the dog shuffle around and I kept asking my guides and St. Francis to calm him down so we could rest.

Then it happened…

Over the side of the couch popped up 3 men. All standing close together. Almost like a triangle with one in front and then another behind each shoulder of his. I felt like they were firemen. Dressed in gear. I couldn’t tell if the gear was old (vintage in appearance) or just dirty from use. They seemed to have dirty faces as well, as if they just fought a fire and were covered in soot. I wouldn’t really say that I saw them in “color” but it also wasn’t “black and white” more like an “aged sepia” color.  I could see lips moving from the one in front but I couldn’t figure anything out. I remember asking for protection and asking Archangel Michael to help them to cross over but I don’t think that I formally did. (I did more of an ask as opposed to the process.) I feel that I did it haphazardly when taking the first stab at this.

I tried to get settled in again and attempted to get back to sleep. Then, out of nowhere, a smoke alarm from one of the upstairs bedrooms goes off. It didn’t go off as if there was a fire, (it would have kept going). It also didn’t sound like the battery was going dead (it chirps then.) It did go off long enough, though for me to hear it.  The dog heard it too, as he started to bark at the sound as he does when he hears it. (A great back up safety measure I hope that we never have to use.) I immediately got my husband up to let him know what was going on. (The kids never woke during any of this, which is odd.) My husband told me that he didn’t hear anything and at first was ready to question what I heard, but then he saw how the dog was reacting so he went upstairs to check things out.

Eventually I followed him up, though feeling bad I was leaving my children in the basement in case there was a fire. Once upstairs, he checked the house and all of the rooms and smoke detectors. Nothing! No smoke! No fire! And no dead batteries!!!! The noise also never happened again. It took me a few minutes to piece together that I just saw the firemen in the basement right before this happened. Hmm…  So I then asked the firemen to quit with the smoke alarm unless it is a real emergency, (free will) as I don’t want anyone woken up at night and I don’t want the kids scared.

A little later, once the dog and even the weather calmed down, the dog asked to go outside. I then thought that I saw one, but realized that maybe it was 2 firemen sitting on my patio wall. They were sitting and breathing heavy as if they were resting after putting a fire out. No joke! I also thought that maybe they were sitting outside after I scolded them about the fire alarm. Sort of like they were trying to be polite. After coming back into the house, I asked Archangel Michel to send them into the light. At some point that night while trying to sleep in the family room (I moved from the basement, I needed more room) I thought that I heard footsteps a few different times. Like man’s shoes. Big feet. No clue if the sound was related to the firemen or another spirit. Needless to say, after all of the excitement, I didn’t sleep real well through the rest of the night.

This  morning I am still processing what happened. I also looked up if 3 firemen have recently died in the area. (I didn’t find anything in recent news articles.) There were three that passed at the same time back in 1985, but that seems like a while ago for them to still be lingering, no? Oh, and did I mention that I have a close relative who used to work in the Fire Service? I also have a friend whose husband is now deceased but he was also a fireman. He popped into my head as though maybe he sent them to me thinking I could help. I did discover that three people passed in last night storms, none of which I can connect the fireman part to.

This morning I meditated a bit to try to get answers. I got a vision of a fire fighter near a tall building, like in a city or large town. (Not a skyscraper.) I also got the vision of an infant. But that is all.

As a precautionary I formally, again tried to cross over the three firemen.  I feel confused by seeing only 2 on the patio last night (when there were originally 3) so I am wondering if it took a few tries to get them all crossed over as I am new at this?

Whatever really happened last night is still being processed and replayed in my head. I am not scared by it. I just want to make sure I handle my gifts correctly.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Son of a B****! I Hate that I can’t Translate this Stuff

So time and time again (and I’ve shared before) I get images that pop into my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I get frustrated by this because sometimes the images that I get can be graphic and I always think to myself, “Can I stop something horrific from happening with this knowledge??” I don’t ever want to have the guilt of feeling that something may happen and I didn’t do anything about it.

On Monday, after the kids get on the bus, and I am off and running to knock out some errands. As I am exiting the neighborhood, I pass a neighbor who lives a street over. This particular neighbor suffered a heart attack a few years ago. I immediately get an image in my head of this man going into his home. He’s home alone and he suffers a heart attack! This “idea” that popped in my head was so strong, I got the feeling that I wanted to turn the car around and check on him.

Now, this is the first part that I struggle with when this happens: What if I go to this neighbor’s house and knock on the door, tell him what I just thought and then low and behold nothing comes of it?? I am labeled as officially being CRAZY! That is what will happen.

I, myself, on the way home from running errands, experience some chest pains. (Random symptoms that I experience always put me into a tizzy and at times lead to panic.) I have spent many a day and many a dollar in doctors offices, emergency rooms and urgent care centers with a slew of random symptoms that never seem to have answers.

Fast forward a few hours to later that morning. My phone starts blowing up with Facebook messages regarding a college friend whose father just passed that morning. I ask the sender of the message if this passing was expected or not. She replies with: “Heart Attack!”

Son of a B****! I hate that I can’t translate this stuff. I am sure that I need to be meditating more, grounding myself more… all of the usual. But I find it frustrating that I don’t know how to navigate with the information, signs and symbols that I am given. Talk about a head trip!

DOES ANYBODY ELSE OUT THERE STRUGGLE WITH THIS???!?

 

Sometimes (Spiritual) Guests Need to be Ushered into the Guest Room

10da9dc16dc8edd5baa80d9c650e886f--pioneer-women-life-imagesLast night my husband and I are in bed watching TV and I start to feel really agitated. It wasn’t anything that my husband was doing, or had anything to do with what was on TV at the time, I just know that I felt totally annoyed out of nowhere. I look over at the bedroom door, as it isn’t unusual for one of the kids to wander in. I look over at the door and I remember feeling like there was an older woman standing there. She had very long, straggly, salt and pepper colored hair. It looked as if it needed a good brushing. She was dressed in a long, white or cream Victorian nightgown. She definitely was not of this time.  I kept feeling bothered and had some buzzing in my ears. (Of course I still can’t seem to raise my vibration enough to actually “hear words” just the buzzing.) I kept asking myself if I really “see” her (with my third eye, not really like seeing a three dimensional person person in the room) or if I am making this up?

In my head, I tell her that she is welcome to go and sleep in the guestroom but she needs to quit bothering me and my husband and let me get some rest.

I felt like I saw her turn around and leave. After that, all was fine. I no longer saw her. I no longer felt agitated. And the buzzing in my ears stopped.

Too bad all (physical human) house guests aren’t as compliant.

This is a recent tool in my bag of tricks that I have found to be useful. Simply setting boundaries with Spirit.

Guilt That I Don’t Know What to do With This!

Well, here we go again. Today I have a morning where I am “vibrating” again. I even pass on coffee as I feel I can’t shake on the inside anymore. My heart was pounding, was dizzy. I prayed that I didn’t pass out in the shower and my kids would find me. I remember thinking: Will they even realize to call 911?? (We’ve gone through the drill many times!)

After the kids headed off to school, I headed to a friend’s house to help her and her family pack for what was an “unexpected” move, to those of us who thought we were close to her. (Not so unexpected to them.) I make it through the packing ok. Maybe because I am distracted by the work that needed to be done, or maybe because I was getting good at “holding it together” in front of others.

I headed home a little before lunch and the vibrating, heart-pounding, dizziness thing started to happen again. I decided to ask out loud: “Please go away – I am not working right now. Also, please stop making me feel sick!” (Free will!) Soon after, it was like someone flipped the switch. The vibrating feeling on the inside of my body went away. My heart stopped pounding and the dizziness disappeared. I was drained, but the feelings were gone. I had a moment of normalcy.

Later that afternoon, after one of my children got off of the bus after school, he walks in the door and tells me that one of his buddies from the neighborhood who he hangs out with often, just had his 98-year old grandfather pass away. He also mentioned that the Grandfather was living with the boy and his family when he passed.

I processed this for a while trying to piece the puzzle of my day together.

The feelings and symptoms that I had been feeling….

The “turning it off” and having it work for me earlier that afternoon…

The death that my child just informed me about….

One thing that popped into my head was the idea that the grandfather might possibly be trying to contact me. Technically, by proximity, I was the closet (and he probably thought the easiest) medium of contact that he could have used in the event that he needed help delivering a message to his family. I mean we are literally talking 5 houses down and over one….

This is one of those moments that I feel good that I may have figured a little more of this gift out, but then I am really bothered by the fact that I don’t know how to use it or how to help with it. Really a feeling of guilt like I mislead a spirit who thought that I could have helped. – MB