Another Mysterious Health Symptom – Food Allergy or another Affinity to My Awakening Process?

I wrote this to help anyone else who is experiencing mysterious ailments and symptoms to not feel alone. Though I need to dig (inside of me) to find the root cause of my situation, perhaps you can relate to what I went through today.

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I’ve had a slew of medical and mysterious health “symptoms” along my awakening process. I have learned that some of my symptoms have had to do with changes in my body, changes in my energy, or changes in the energy in the solar system or on the planet. I’ve learned that some of my symptoms and even anxiety can have to do with emotions or experiences working themselves to the surface. I have also learned that the “symptoms” can be a nudge from my body when I am venturing off my path or purpose, trying to get me to where I need to be.

I will go long time periods without having any issues and then Boom! Something happens and some medical mystery pops up which is followed by panic, a lot of Google searching, and a slew of doctor visits and tests that lead to, well, nothing that Western Medicine can figure out. In the past, I’ve had medical mysteries last weeks and even months and then disappear.

Today’s Mystery:

This morning was a morning like any other. Before taking the kids to the bus stop, I had my usual coffee and decided to have a banana. Nothing out of the ordinary. I drove to the bus stop (It’s below zero out today).

Before the bus even arrived, it started. My mouth and tongue started to tingle and my lips started to feel funny. My mind automatically goes off the deep end thinking that my throat is closing up. I looked in the mirror to see if there was any swelling. So far, there wasn’t. In the mists of the panic, I couldn’t tell if my throat was closing up or not, or if I was experiencing anxiety. (In these situation, I’ve learned to try to take a moment and evaluate the situation to see if it is really an emergency or anxiety.) I tend to carry a bottle in of water in the car with me (and even Benadryl in my wallet) at all times. I took a few sips of water to make sure that I could swallow. I could. I held off on the Benadryl for now. I hate taking it because then my day is shot by being so tired. I swear that it also wreaks havoc on my thyroid and adrenal glands and messes with my emotions, too.

I called my neighbor to see if she was home. My thought was that maybe if went to her house and chatted for a bit, I’d get my mind off of things and start feeling better. I got her voicemail immediately. I then texted her to see if she was home this morning – she didn’t text back immediately. I didn’t feel that I needed the ER so I circled back to my house. I popped a half of a Benadryl (in the event this was some sort of an allergic reaction) and then I attempted to meditate to try to settle my anxiety.

My neighbor called me back and offered to take me to the doctor or if she could help with anything. We chatted about the things we have been up to later so that helped to calm me as well. She offered to check in on me again later.

Of course the Benadryl, even though I only took half a dose, makes me a feel like I’m walking around in a fog. I tried to work on some journal entries and get some house stuff done. I noticed that my mouth still didn’t feel quite right – like I scraped my tongue on something hard or burnt it. I then noticed that my mouth, lips and even my lower half of my face felt like it was having muscle spasms. (My teeth and gums have been feeling sensitive lately, but I have blamed that on being out of my good toothpaste and using my husband’s instead.)

To make matters more anxious and stressful, my husband is out of town traveling. That adds stress to situations like this because I worry that if I do have a medical situation or end up in the ER, how will the kids be handled once they are home after school or if something happens in the middle of the night.

I had similar sensations to what I had today, once before, like 6 years ago. My tongue had a burning sensation to it for a few days. (I blamed some spicy meal we had at first, but then it lasted for a few days.) My throat felt like it was going to close up, but back then, I didn’t recognize the anxiety. Western medical doctors told me that my sensations might have to do with acid reflux and to take an over the counter 24-antacid and to follow up with an allergist. The allergist couldn’t come up with concrete findings in her allergy testing, besides the fact that I had seasonal allergies and suggested that I take a 24-hr allergy medicine and suggested that I could take up to 2 in a 24/hr period. She also suggested that I carry Benadryl and an EpiPen, but again, no concrete answers on what I was allergic to enough to cause the sensations that I was experiencing.

Further along in my morning, I asked that “if the face and mouth symptoms are not for me, to please put them back in their proper space and time.” (A little Empath trick that I learned to do when trying to determine if the symptoms that I have picked up for really mine or not.) Well, after asking, I still had the symptoms, though they subsided a bit.

As I write this, my ears are buzzing like crazy, (and the face/mouth) has subsided. I also have a tingling in my head. I get the buzzing when Spirit is trying to get my attention. The buzzing is hard for me to tune in to because I do feel so short circuited after the anxiety kicked in. However by having the symptoms changed after I asked (free will) I am calmer in the fact that perhaps this isn’t a medical situation as much as a Spirit situation. I also feel my hands and feet pulsating.

I happened to be in contact with my acupuncturist today, as well as one of my mentors. Some of the reasons that I may be experiencing these symptoms could be:

 – I reached out to a mentor of mine. She did suggest that I could be sensitive to the banana (which I haven’t noticed before, but with my every-changing sensitives, you never know). She suggested that I make sure that I wash my fruits and veggies well.

– She also reminded me that we become more sensitive as we awakening more and become more intuitive. (Something I’ve told others, but forget to remind myself.)

 – The metaphysical emotional meaning as to what I am experiencing with my mouth/lips/tongue: Not speaking truth, sexual shame, not feeling supported to speak up. Not feeling valued. (Time to look for parallels.)

 – Teeth symptoms: Pondering over new information or solutions and pondering new ideas. (Which I have been.)

 – I asked my Acupuncturist what my symptoms could mean in Chinese Medicine. She suggested that it could be “Wind.” (Wind is one of the six external factors of disease – six Qi or six Yin/Six Excesses – that can attack the body, enter the meridians, and cause external diseases.) She said that Wind can cause spasms, coughing, sneezing and itching.

 – I read that the twitching symptoms could have to do with claircognizance “downloads.” These meaning that these downloads are like software or app upgrades on computer devices, except they are happening to a person.

changes aheadFor all that happened today, my day has seemed to fly by. It looks like I have some internal reflecting to do.

I am sharing this experience to help anyone else who is experiencing mysterious ailments and symptoms to not feel alone.  You’re not alone! And you’re not crazy!! You’re just going through an awakening!!

Intuition, [Social] Media and Law Enforcement

This post is not meant to be insensitive to real acts of discrimination and homophobia, nor is it intended to downplay the dangers that our first responders face every day, but rather to discuss how those with strong intuitive or emapthic abilities struggle with what plays out in the media, as I bring up two different stories that had far different outcomes than what the media (and even social media) first suggested happened, in this particular post.

This post is not meant to be insensitive to real acts of discrimination and homophobia, nor is it intended to downplay the dangers that our first responders face every day, but rather to discuss how those with strong intuitive or emapthic abilities struggle with what plays out in the media, as I bring up two different stories that had far different outcomes than what the media (and even social media) first suggested happened, in this particular post.

Smollett+caseToday day I woke up to the headlines that read: Police: Two brothers told investigators they were paid by Jussie Smollett to stage attack. I will tell you that from the get-go, that this case, as it was stated in the media, never felt right to me.  From the first time I heard about Jussie Smollett’s attack (Smollett, who is black and gay, said he was attacked while walking home through Chicago’s Streeterville neighborhood. He told police masked men tied a noose around his neck, poured bleach on him and yelled the slurs at him.) Something felt very off or inauthentic about this story to me. Better yet, I felt that the story or incident was fake. I of course kept these thoughts to myself as the world we are living in today IS full of discriminative and homophobic acts. These things really do happen.  Because these alleged incidents happened to an actor, they took center stage in the media.

meganWithin moments of the story breaking and in the days to come, outpouring from stars and social media were made known and publicized. Each time I heard or saw someone showing their support or making a statement on behalf of what Smollett alleged happened to him, I honestly felt a kick in my gut. I kept thinking that this doesn’t feel right. It has been fabricated. The statements made by his family felt off, too. It got to the point that I found myself trying to avoid the story – turning the channel, swiping faster through a newsfeed, or changing the radio station. It was as if I was shutting down around the story whenever it came up.

This sort of thing – thinking that a story in a community, or in the media just isn’t feeling right – I have experienced before. One of the really memorable times was when I first started to realize that I myself was an empath and that I had strong intuitive abilities.

joeThe story that I am referring to is the death of Lt. Charles Joseph “Joe” Gliniewicz of the Fox Lake, Illinois Police Department that happened back in 2015. I live in the Midwest so this story was front and center from the moment it happened. The media started to paint a picture of a heroic man who had 30 years on his force, who was an Army Veteran and who was running a non-profit Explorer organization for children in the community, who was murdered while on duty. The media put him on a pedestal and gave him the nick name of “G.I. Joe.”

RIP GI JOEI noticed that people, even those who never knew him started to change their social media profile pictures to show their support for him, re-posting different images and news stories showing support for “G.I. Joe” and wanting justice for those who were responsible his death. There were reports of numerous people donating large sums of money to find the people who supposedly killed him. I remember that it didn’t feel right to me but I didn’t think much of it. The story was hard to get away from as it was everywhere.

In the days and weeks that followed, I kept getting different tidbits that would pop into my head. Things like “this case has to do with a woman.” Things like “money had something to do with this.” And thoughts like “this guy really isn’t a hero.”

Well, low and behold, as time when on, I later discovered that my “thoughts” WERE my intuition and that my intuition was correct. You can goggle the story for more details but basically Mr. Gliniewicz was using non-profit funds for his own use and was raising a red flag with a female who was now accusing him of such and it was later determined that he committed suicide as an end result of the extensive criminal acts he had been committing.

Everyone has intuition, some of us just have stronger abilities than others. Just like some of us are more athletic than others, a better cook or a better artist or musician than others… you get the idea. And an Empath trait is to “shut down” or find themselves avoiding unauthentic people.  I guess you can say that I shut down when I hear certain news stories or see things on social media.

Both the media and social media get to me more challenging for me to be around. Both make my blood boil as both can assist in making things something they are not. Intuitive abilities aside, I personally wish that the media would stop trying to entertain us and play on our emotions and just state facts when they report on a new story. When did the media decide to make “characters” (good or bad) out of the subjects in the news?  When did other people’s social media posts and photos on social media become statements that are used on the news to help spin a story?

Though it doesn’t happen all of the time, but really it DOES happen too much, I wish that law enforcement would not release so much information so that the media didn’t have so much information to play up for entertainment purposes and that people sitting behind their phones or screens could forward/repost stories in which all of the facts aren’t figured out yet.

I also wish that the general public would not be so quick to cling on to the media’s every word or to everything that they see in their social media newsfeeds and wait for the facts to come out.

For myself, I wish that I would not question the information that my intuition gives me the first time that I receive it. I also wish that I didn’t feel the need to have my information validated in order to feel comfortable sharing it.

 

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Being a Sports Mom and an Intuitive

I have anticipated this question as more and more people learn about my abilities: “Do you know if your kid’s team is going to win today?”

I have anticipated this question as more and more people learn about my abilities: “Do you know if your kid’s team is going to win today?”

My children are involved in various activities, some of which are competitive and team sports. With that said, somebody is going to be the winner and somebody is going to come up short. I will say that I have tested my abilities at times, and for instance, tried to use my intuition to get an answer as if we will win or lose that day. I have learned that if I am able to get my own feelings and wishes out of the way and just try for a straight answer, I usually get it right and can say if we are going to win or lose that game or match.

Predicting the outcome of a game that my kids are playing can mess with me as there have been times that I am sitting on the sidelines watching my child’s team be down, when I previously got the answer that we will be winning that day. When this happens, I start to question my abilities and even get upset with myself for maybe not knowing how to use my abilities properly, and then low and behold, we’ll come from behind at the end and win.

The opposite has also happened where I think that we will lose a specific game and for a good portion of the time our team will be up. Sometimes way up. In those instances I also start to question my abilities but then think who cares if I am wrong, we are winning! (And then, just like that, even if we are ahead, we walk away defeated.)

It can start to feel like a roller coaster…

The knowing of what I think the outcome will be and then what is playing out in front of me…

sidelineOn occasion there have been times when I have tried to figure out what the outcome will be and there are times that I get what I call a back-and-forth answer, meaning that I can’t tell clearly, one way or another, if we are going to win or lose. When this happens, I ask multiple times and get one answer and then another – nothing consistent. I chalk that up to: I’m not supposed to know everything before it happens, or what the final outcome to be.

I have also learned, that though I have the ability to see what the outcome will be, many times I chose to NOT use it. There is something to be said to be a spectator in the stands or to be a mother rooting for her child on the sidelines and just being in the moment without knowing how it is going to end until it is actually over. By knowing the outcome, the fun can be taking out of watching the game.

I do also feel like knowing the outcome of my children’s sporting events makes me look a suspicious or feel guilty next to other parents.  In the past, if I knew that our team was going to win, there were times that I was almost too relaxed as a Sports Mom on the side lines. Others around me would be getting worked up and caught up in the emotion and I would be sitting right next to them cool as a cucumber because I knew that all would end fine. I started to feel like other parents were look at me strangely for maybe not rooting so intensely for our team. And at times when I knew that we were going to lose, I felt like others around me would be cheering their hearts out hoping for a positive outcome when I was ready to pack up my things and head back to the car knowing that we’d be done soon.

By no means when I do have a hunch as to what the outcome of my kid’s games will be, do I share it with others around me. I have no intention of wanting to spoil the experience for other parents or spectators. I do also want to bring up the fact that Intuitives are not given insight when it comes to gambling or gaining financially from sporting events. (If that were the case, business would be booming, wouldn’t it? LOL!) Our gifts are to be used to help others heal.

I will say that I do have a 100% hit ratio in calling rain outs for when my kids sports are played out doors. (That comes in handy in knowing what to pack and take to games if we are going to be stuck out in the elements.) 😉

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

When you are Reflecting Back What People Don’t Like about Themselves, Seeing Two Deceased Fathers in a Room, and at the End of the Day You Know that the Pot-Stirrer is really stirring the Pot Because She Needs Attention: It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding!

I sat at the table with my arms open under the table and my palms facing upward. I recall during the speeches literally sending love and a bright white light to those at my table

Vibrating higher - NaysayersI recently attended my first family wedding since I became aware that I was going through a Spiritual Awakening Process – the process in which my metaphysical gifts have grown stronger. The only other large event that has taken place since my gifts have gotten stronger was a Memorial Service for a relative. You can read about it here:  https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/when-you-sense-people-in-the-room-turning-on-you-and-it-starts-to-feel-trippy/

As amazed as I was by people’s behavior towards me that evening, I was more stunned by the idea that I already knew that people would be treating me the way they did. I think on some level I thought that I could get through to certain individuals and break down walls and start the family healing that I believe is falling on my shoulders. I talk about that toward the end of a previous blog post. You can read that here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/17/we-are-just-here-to-celebrate-a-wedding-and-that-is-it/

I will happily add that I started to lose some weight a week or so before the wedding and to this day, it is still falling off with really no effort or intention on my part. It is as though my “layer of protection” that I have packed on (you can read about here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/ive-heard-of-the-freshman-fifteen-but-nobody-mentioned-the-awakening-15-to-me/ ) started to melt away as I got confident in myself, the angel messages that I had received and what I had to deal with at this wedding. The weight has continued to come off after as I replay in my head what I observed in people that evening. I have also been more honest with telling some people around me about my gifts, which I believe has assisted in dropping the weight as well.

So, about the wedding… (Which was really beige and not white, by the way.)

While getting ready for the wedding, I had some down time and I used that time to center myself, go over what I needed to do (radiate my light and spread love to those around me. This is the message that I got from my Guides a few weeks back.) I talked to my “spiritual team” (Guides and Angels) and even performed some Reiki on myself. I

Pyrite rose gold
My handbag, Rose Quartz and Pyrite.

knew that my grandmother, (my father’s mother) would be walking along side of me that evening. I’ve known it for months.  I was as ready as I was going to be. I was calm and relaxed and ready for whatever was going to come my way. I threw some crystals in my purse. I took rose quarts and pyrite. (Rose quartz is the stone of the heart, a crystal of unconditional love that carries a soft feminine energy of compassion and peace, tenderness and healing, nourishment and comfort. Pyrite is a protector of negative energy as well as a stone that give a confidence boost.) I performed my usual energy protection rituals and then we were off. There was a shuttle bus that could have taken us to the wedding venue, but we chose to drive by ourselves.

My husband and I arrived at the chapel prior to my parents and sister. We grabbed a seat and saved room for others to join us as the seats were filling up fast. We had a row further back. I was in the corner but felt it was a comfortable space where I could observe from. We got a wave from some members of my Uncle’s side of the family toward the front row, but no body offered for us to move up, which was fine, we don’t feel we are the first tier of people to be up in front anyway.

While waiting, I saw my cousin Ann*, my second cousin Lynn* and her mother, Auntie J.* walk in.

Beautiful-form-of-communication.-640x640My husband was standing in the aisle while I was sitting in the pew. Lynn walked by and gave my husband a quick hug and tried to scoot by with just a  wave and a hello to me, but I got up and greeted her with a hug. Then I see her mother, Auntie J.  I went up to her and she let me hug her, but then I go to kiss her on the cheek and she turned away. I noticed what has happened but carry on without missing a beat. As that was taking place, my cousin Ann said a side-ways “hello” more to my husband, than to me, and tried to walk behind everyone and avoid me. I moved closer to her and hugged her and said, “It’s great to see you.” She murmured the same back and walked to the front of the church where my uncle’s side of the family was seated. I can honestly say that I treated each lady with love and respect from the get-go that evening.

Next my parents arrived. They squeezed in and my mother asked where my sister is. She walks in (she arrived with the first three gals, but stopped off at the ladies room) and my mother called for her to sit by us. I gave her a hug as she sat down near my mother and me. I could tell that she was irritated that she had to sit by me and my parents, as she would have preferred to sit up front with the cousins, but let’s be honest, your parents come first. At one point my cousin Ann motions to my sister that there is room where they are sitting up front, but then my mom chimed in and asked if there was room for all of us, and that ended that. You could see my sister’s disgust in her body language as she realized that she was “stuck” with us for the ceremony.

As the ceremony is ready to get started, I saw my Uncle, the father of the groom, and we make eye contact. I give both him and the groom’s brother a hello as they pass by and see me.  They weren’t sure what to make of my “hello” but wave back.

Before and during the ceremony, no matter what I would say to my sister to attempt to make conversation, she would say the opposite. I would say left, she’d say right, I’d mention up, she’d say down.  No matter what I tried to do to get anywhere with her, I couldn’t so I took a break from trying until later in the evening.

The ceremony was very nontraditional and had more of a “comedy” theme to it. Others seemed to relate to the inside jokes that were said and the tone of the ceremony. Though it was a nice ceremony I didn’t connect with it, but I reminded myself that I didn’t relate to many of the people who were in the chapel and vice versa, they didn’t understand me in the least bit, but all of that was OK. We were there to celebrate the marriage of a bride and groom who were starting their life out together. It didn’t matter what the rest of us thought. It was their day. The day was how THEY want it to be. Outside opinions didn’t matter.

Once the ceremony concluded, we stepped outside and waited for the bride and groom to come out of the chapel. My parents, husband and I greeted my Aunt and Uncle (the mother and father of the groom). All four of us exchanged hugs and handshakes are exchanged and we are told “Thank you for coming.” My initial thought was, “Great! Everyone is acting cordial.”

While waiting for the couple to come out, I saw my Uncle’s sister-in-law. We’ll call her “Pat*”. Pat had a really cute dress and flats on and I complimented her on her dress and shoes. She commented back, referring to the wedges that I was wearing, about how she followed the rules on the wedding invite and wore flats as suggested, to the outdoor venue. Her comment seemed a bit icy, but I believed the comment had more to do with her, wishing she didn’t wear the flats, than with me.

On the way to the tented reception, I stopped off to the ladies room. There I made small talk with strangers who were in there. I am one who normally will make small talk with strangers and offer a smile or lift them up with a compliment. As I looked in the mirror, I could see (and feel) that I was still vibrating high.

On my way out of the ladies room, my sister and cousin Ann walk past my husband not acknowledging him until they saw me and then they said something. I let it go and made some light-hearted comment back and we headed toward the reception tent.

Once in the tent, we got our table assignments. My husband (the only male who would be at our table) and I were going to be seated with my sister, Ann, Lynn and Auntie J. My parents were seated at a different table. I could see the disappointment on my husband and father’s faces that they weren’t going to get to sit together. I could also sense my mother’s dismay as well.  I decided that we weren’t going to sit down quite yet and visit around the room first, but I also made sure that we acknowledge those who were at our table prior to sitting down. My husband and I took the long way toward our table and stopped at the bar first. I filled him in on what I had seen/sensed from other’s actions towards me at the church. To a certain degree he doesn’t see or understand fully what I see and feel as he is not an Intuitive Empath or a Highly Sensitive Person like I am.

We stopped by the bar and I asked for a cranberry and tonic. I made a point to not drink alcohol about 5 days before the wedding, as well as to not drink at the wedding for two reasons: Alcohol can block the flow of spiritual gifts. (Five days might not sound like much to some, but I feel like almost every day an excuse pops up to have a drink – a glass of wine on the patio, a drink out with the girls, a cocktail after the kids are in bed, etc.) Also, coming from a family tree of heavy drinkers, I decided that I didn’t need anyone accusing me of acting a “certain way” because maybe I had too much to drink.

On the way to the bar I saw a man’s face that seemed to transform into Lynn’s father’s face, who had passed. The face gave me a deep, knowing look into my eyes. I let it pass. Sort of questioning it.

While at the bar, Pat’s husband came up and talked to me and my husband. All was fine. We just made small talk. Also while in line I see my aunt and uncle’s sister in law, Jilly*. Jilly (as well as Pat) have a history or coming up to me at family events, especially Jilly, if they are the current target of negativity, or on the outs with, well shall we say, may Aunt Marie,* the mother of the groom. In the past, when they have been short on people to “chat” with at family functions, they will chat it up with me to kill time. That wasn’t happening at this function. But when you have been the target before, you don’t want to piss off the Ring Leader, so you abide by the “rules” and follow suit. This cycle of icing somebody out has happened for generations. It happened with my Great Grandmother, my grandmother and great aunt, and with my aunt and cousins now. Jilly and I never had a problem making conversation before but while in line at the bar, I said hello, gave her a hug and complimented her on the jacket she had on. In an adverse tone, and no eye contact, she replied, “Thanks, my daughters picked it out.” And turned her back and walked away. That was that. She was done.

I made a stop at our table before I made my way over to check out the dessert table and found some cute, older gals standing by a heater to try to keep warm. (It was not quite 50 degrees out and raining.) We chatted it up a bit. I enjoyed their smiles and warm energy, no pun intended.

After viewing the dessert table, I stopped by my mother who is trying to get organized at her assigned table. Her and my father’s seats keep getting pushed down further to the end of the table as Pat was organizing who should sit where. I tried to make small talk with Pat and my mother, but Pat didn’t make eye contact with me and tried to zip a zinger comment my way to make me “feel dumb” which I was aware of. At that point, I just moved on.

Since we are lacking family photos as a whole and we were all dressed up, my mother found a nice back drop and takes some photos in front of. We called my sister over so that she could join us.  While this was taking place, I could feel the negative energy and comments from those hanging out at the table we are to be seated at in a bit.

FB_IMG_1520543985906After my mom was done with taking photos, my sister and dad start talking by the DJ’s table. I went up and tried to join in the conversation. My husband eventually joined as well. No matter what conversation starter I asked my sister, the harsh, snippy responses were thrown back in my direction. I almost asked her what was wrong, why the tone, is there something that I did? The look on the face and body language couldn’t be ignored either, but then I remembered, we were just there for a wedding. If I asked too much, I might have gotten a negative reaction and we didn’t need to make a spectacle. I just let it be. At the end of the day, I knew that her issues are her own and they have to do with the way that my parents raised us differently, under the same roof. I was raised in such a way that I became more independent and she was the one who was (and still is) always coddled and never confronted for her actions. I have also learned that she uses her body language as a way to get attention as the victim. Victims play the victim for the sake of attention.

It was finally time to sit down for dinner. As we sat down, I caught a glimpse of what looked like and reminded me of Ann’s father who had passed. I saw him look over at me and I sensed that deep knowing look.  I knew he was there. Once we sat, I sensed the awkwardness kicking in, heads were down and everyone focused on their plates. It was more than a resting bitch face for some. In some cases, it was also the shoulders slumped forward.  I decide to just take the lead and nip the awkward silence in the bud. I paid particular attention to MY own body language making sure that I was “open” to others and not closed off. I started with Ann. I ask, “Ann, how are the kids doing?” and in response to my question, I got an abrupt and angered “Fine, how are yours?” back. I saw Lynn’s eyes pop out of her head so I knew that I wasn’t playing up the dramatics of the tone that was used. Ann dialed it back a bit and asked me, “How are yours?” I kept my gentle tone consistent and explained some of my kids’ recent activities and then moved on to Lynn and asked about her son and she showed some photos from his Senior Prom.

I sat at the table with my arms open under the table and my palms facing upward. I recall during the speeches literally sending love and a bright white light to those at my table. I saw the gentleman who looked like Lynn’s father pass by again. I got the long gaze as he came by. I struggled with what to do with that, but clearly at this point in time, and after watching people’s behavior, my thoughts were that nobody was ready to accept the gifts that I have or the messages that could be delivered because they’d be coming from me. I do think that Lynn’s father popped up twice to me because her mother was also at the table. Though they were divorced when he passed, I know that there is still love and hurt there. Better yet, I think that Lynn’s son’s soul is that of her brother that passed away at birth. Again, nobody is ready to hear this.

b3780144a617e2bc4566222df14fbf26I tried to chat with my sister a few more times while we were still sitting at dinner. I asked her questions about her work, her dog, and so forth. Still, not getting very far. While at the table I couldn’t help but to notice the “looks” back and forth between Lynn and Ann throughout the evening. At times I see my sister looking at Ann and Lynn’s non-verbal communication, but I could tell that she’s not in on it. She was more the third wheel that was used when they needed a bigger team. I particularly picked up on the looks and vibes whenever my dad walked up. (My poor father kept trying to come over and talk to my husband because he had little conversation at his table and equally felt bad for my husband.)

Eventually, the bride and groom danced their first dance together. They danced to what was my deceased Aunt and Uncle’s song – Ann’s parents. When the song is over, I literally saw my aunt and uncle joined together and waving at me as the song concluded. I smiled and thanked them.

At some point my sister, Lynn and Ann go off and dance. I felt bad for Auntie J. being left alone so my husband and I stayed seated at the table. At one point, when the ladies returned to the table, I was taken aback at what I saw. I saw a gray color around them. Not so much their aura, but more like their skin, hair and bodies, it was like I saw their “toxicity.” (To me, an aura is more the outline energy field of the body and not the body itself.)

My husband and I danced to a slow song. My father grabbed Ann for the dance. I know why my father did it. Ann is a connection to my deceased Aunt for him. She was uncomfortable with it, but that had more to do with her actions than his.

After dancing, I saw my Aunt Maria sitting by herself watching the dance floor. I thought that it would be a good time to go over and try to say something to her. After all, things seemed fine when we walked out of the chapel. I bent down and told her, “Today was really nice, don’t you think?” She turned halfway, gave me a glare and replied, “Yeah, thanks.” And turned her back toward me. I bent down again, thinking I would try again, but decided to just leave it.

32452343_365986140589779_1026768973569458176_nI know that she is the pot-stirrer of this whole current family mess.  In all fairness, she grew up around similar actions. (When you know better, you do better.) I  know that she harbors a lot of anger and resentment which if not released, will turn into disease. I believe it will be bone cancer if she doesn’t break the cycle. I also known that when people stir the pot, they are doing so to put attention on them. For whatever reason THEY need attention so they try to get it by creating drama.

At that moment, I remember thinking to myself that I was thankful (for the first time in my life) for a girl who I went to school with – The Prom Queen. She was also a pot-stirrer and she was great at getting the room to turn on a person. I didn’t realize until now that the aggravation that she caused me years ago actually prepared me for moments like these.

At this point in the evening, I felt that I had only gotten as far as I was going to get with people in the room and that it was time to go. My mom gave me a strange look when I told her that my husband and I were saying our good byes and heading out. (My dad on the other hand was wishing that he could leave with us.)

I realize that my parents are trying to keep their noses clean in this family drama situation. My Aunt Maria is my father’s only living original family member left left so they don’t want to ruin that. Never mind that my father was taught his whole life to keep his head down and to avoid conflict. With that said, if people were treating my sister that evening the way that they were treating me, he would have been all over it making phone calls and having conversations behind the scenes to try to fix things on her behalf. I need to chalk it up to: My parents think that I am independent and can handle this.

Before leaving, we look for my Uncle to say “goodbye” to. I never got confirmation (yet) on the watch that my uncle was wearing at the wedding, but I have a feeling that someday in the future I will. (Refer back to my previous blog.) He was very pleasant and appreciative. A very different energy than my Aunt’s Marie’s. He put his hand on my back when we left and I felt his energy towards me – the energy of touch means more than words.

I am glad that we drove separately and didn’t take the shuttle back to the hotel. It turns out that Lynn was running her mouth on the bus ripping the ceremony and wedding apart with the bride two seats away from her. Definitely not the final words a Bride wants to end her special day on.

The next day, word gets to me that some thought that I was acting “fake” at the wedding and Ann had felt the need to reference me as “someone who flaunts their sainthood in order to find their horns.” At the end of the day I know that people’s issues are their own and their behaviors have to do with how they are really feeling about themselves. Empaths are mirrors to others. We reflect back to others what they don’t like about themselvesempaths reflect back and what they need to change or to work on. Let’s also remember that empaths don’t do fake.

If I was acting out of my normal range, my husband would have been the first to call me out on it, right then and there on it. I know in my heart that I was acting authentically.

I also realize that I vibrate higher than those I was around at the wedding. As a rule, when you vibrate higher, toxic people fall away from you. They also don’t know how to approach you. (I have learned this along my awakening journey.)

When it was time to head back home, I closed the hotel room door behind me. Before doing so, I paused for a moment. It felt symbolic. Like I was turning a page or even closing a book cover. Perhaps some family healing was put into motion the day of the wedding. Only time will tell.

*Names and some timeline order of events have been changed to protect people’s privacy.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Which Came First? The Firemen or the Smoke Alarm?

The alarm didn’t go off as if there was a fire or that the battery was going dead. The dog and I were the only ones who heard it in the house.

So last night was interesting. There were storms in the area, and unfortunately a few tornadoes touched down in towns nearby. During one of the earlier storms in the evening, while my husband was downstairs with the kids (they feel safer down there and can’t hear the rumbling as much, I “felt” like, or envisioned, that three men came to the front door. At first they seemed to be dressed in layers, dirty, and at least one of them was carrying something. It made me feel uneasy so I asked for protection from my usual helpers. Then I sort of let this go, though I found myself double checking to make sure that doors were locked.

Later that night with more storms coming and going, we all ended up in the basement. All of the kids wanted to sleep down there, and wanted me and my husband with them. So after we all kept changing sleeping places, trying to get comfortable, I end up on the floor. I kept hearing the dog shuffle around and I kept asking my guides and St. Francis to calm him down so we could rest.

Then it happened…

Over the side of the couch popped up 3 men. All standing close together. Almost like a triangle with one in front and then another behind each shoulder of his. I felt like they were firemen. Dressed in gear. I couldn’t tell if the gear was old (vintage in appearance) or just dirty from use. They seemed to have dirty faces as well, as if they just fought a fire and were covered in soot. I wouldn’t really say that I saw them in “color” but it also wasn’t “black and white” more like an “aged sepia” color.  I could see lips moving from the one in front but I couldn’t figure anything out. I remember asking for protection and asking Archangel Michael to help them to cross over but I don’t think that I formally did. (I did more of an ask as opposed to the process.) I feel that I did it haphazardly when taking the first stab at this.

I tried to get settled in again and attempted to get back to sleep. Then, out of nowhere, a smoke alarm from one of the upstairs bedrooms goes off. It didn’t go off as if there was a fire, (it would have kept going). It also didn’t sound like the battery was going dead (it chirps then.) It did go off long enough, though for me to hear it.  The dog heard it too, as he started to bark at the sound as he does when he hears it. (A great back up safety measure I hope that we never have to use.) I immediately got my husband up to let him know what was going on. (The kids never woke during any of this, which is odd.) My husband told me that he didn’t hear anything and at first was ready to question what I heard, but then he saw how the dog was reacting so he went upstairs to check things out.

Eventually I followed him up, though feeling bad I was leaving my children in the basement in case there was a fire. Once upstairs, he checked the house and all of the rooms and smoke detectors. Nothing! No smoke! No fire! And no dead batteries!!!! The noise also never happened again. It took me a few minutes to piece together that I just saw the firemen in the basement right before this happened. Hmm…  So I then asked the firemen to quit with the smoke alarm unless it is a real emergency, (free will) as I don’t want anyone woken up at night and I don’t want the kids scared.

A little later, once the dog and even the weather calmed down, the dog asked to go outside. I then thought that I saw one, but realized that maybe it was 2 firemen sitting on my patio wall. They were sitting and breathing heavy as if they were resting after putting a fire out. No joke! I also thought that maybe they were sitting outside after I scolded them about the fire alarm. Sort of like they were trying to be polite. After coming back into the house, I asked Archangel Michel to send them into the light. At some point that night while trying to sleep in the family room (I moved from the basement, I needed more room) I thought that I heard footsteps a few different times. Like man’s shoes. Big feet. No clue if the sound was related to the firemen or another spirit. Needless to say, after all of the excitement, I didn’t sleep real well through the rest of the night.

This  morning I am still processing what happened. I also looked up if 3 firemen have recently died in the area. (I didn’t find anything in recent news articles.) There were three that passed at the same time back in 1985, but that seems like a while ago for them to still be lingering, no? Oh, and did I mention that I have a close relative who used to work in the Fire Service? I also have a friend whose husband is now deceased but he was also a fireman. He popped into my head as though maybe he sent them to me thinking I could help. I did discover that three people passed in last night storms, none of which I can connect the fireman part to.

This morning I meditated a bit to try to get answers. I got a vision of a fire fighter near a tall building, like in a city or large town. (Not a skyscraper.) I also got the vision of an infant. But that is all.

As a precautionary I formally, again tried to cross over the three firemen.  I feel confused by seeing only 2 on the patio last night (when there were originally 3) so I am wondering if it took a few tries to get them all crossed over as I am new at this?

Whatever really happened last night is still being processed and replayed in my head. I am not scared by it. I just want to make sure I handle my gifts correctly.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

When You Sense People in the Room Turning on You and it Starts to Feel Trippy

While at a Memorial Service I literally felt the energy of many of my relatives and people that I know shift negatively toward me as the day went on, and it started to feel real trippy. Throw in the fact that I am an Empath, there is family drama brewing and I am also a gal who is trying to navigate her every expanding gifts and it turns into one heck of a cluster!

I had an uncle who passed away back in November and just recently we had a memorial service for him.

I had a Goodbye Dream with my Uncle in it recently. You can read about it here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/20/the-goodbye-dream/0

While at this Memorial Service, (that was held in the banquet room at a golf course where he used to play golf in his younger years) I literally felt the energy of many of my relatives and people that I know shift negatively toward me as the day went on, and it started to feel real trippy.

In recent years, I have learned that I am an empath. An empath is highly sensitive to the emotional climate around them. Throw in the fact that there is family drama and I am also a gal who is trying to navigate her every expanding gifts and it turns into one heck of a cluster!

Let me fill in the back story for you.

In December, my husband, kids and I celebrated Christmas Eve at my Aunt’s house, (the sister-in-law to my Uncle who recently passed). At her house, things were fine for the most part, though this Aunt is known to be a pot-stirrer. And by fine, I mean that I dismissed side comments that I know where made about me when I’d leave a room and I ignored a look or glance that was given over my shoulder at times, but all-in-all, I let things roll off and I survived.

My deceased Uncle’s daughter Ann, (my cousin), shares the same Aunt referenced above. Her mother and my Aunt were sisters. This cousin now lives out-of-state and my relationship with this cousin took a one-eighty a few years ago. And truly, to this day, I have no idea what I did to piss her off. To attempt to salvage this relationship I even wrote her a letter once asking where our relationship went wrong and apologized for whatever it was that I did to upset her and asked her how I could fix it. (This was her que to either tell me that all is fine or to F-off, but I never heard a word from her. I still have a copy of the letter.) This cousin is close to my above mentioned Aunt and has a relationship with my Sister. (My sister who has a stronger relationship with my Cousin’s kids than what she does with mine.)

Now here in February, this Memorial Service rolls around. I feel somewhat relaxed knowing that I made it through Christmas Eve unscathed. I know walking in that there is friction with my cousin but knowing that this is a Memorial Service for her father, I know that I am going to be supportive and respectful so really, what could go wrong?!?!?!

As my husband, kids and I walked in, we said our hellos to my cousin and her family who were receiving people at the door. Then I made my way around the room and said my hellos to relatives including cousins, second cousins, friends of my cousin and family friends and neighbors of my Uncle. These people smiled, hugged me and said hi to me.  Small talk here, small talk there… Until, oops!! I walk up to my Aunt (from Christmas Eve) and try to say hello and hug her. She turns sideways as I hug her and she starts to talk to someone else so I FIRST assumed that maybe I accidentally interrupted a conversation and just carried on.

Also before the service got started, I also connected with my Uncle’s neighbor. She is a boisterous Irish lady. She was really good friends with my Aunt (who has passed) and when I talk with her, I feel my Aunt’s presence. I felt the need to share bits and pieces of my “goodbye dream” with her. I asked her if she wanted to know what my Uncle looked like now that he passed. I told her that I had a dream recently. She said “sure” and I shared a few details with her.  All felt fine.

Before the Service starts, I see my Aunt (from Christmas Eve) making her rounds to all of our relatives. I didn’t think anything of it.  Though soon after I notice to the left of me, in the corner of the room, where a majority of the people I know are… The room seemed to grow colder, almost grayer…

The service starts and we all take our seats. People got up and went to the podium and told stories and memories about my Uncle. A few times I was tempted to get up and share my “goodbye dream” with the crowd. The coldness (emotionally, not temperature) from the corner of the room wasn’t helping.  I even had head tingles which is validation for me, but at the end, I chickened out because I didn’t think that the idea of a “goodbye dream” would go over well with the entire crowd. (I later told my mother about the dream when we went to go out to eat after the service.)

As the stories started to wrap up, all of the guests in the room started to mingle. I made my way back to my Aunt who I saw at the beginning of the Service and she again starts walking off as I am trying to make small talk. I then start to approach some distant cousins, and a few of my Aunt’s sister-in-laws and suddenly I am getting half-cracked smiles, little eye contact and one answer responses to my questions. WTF??? Somebody pinch me! I am dreaming? It is though I am feeling their rumblings toward me, but yet nobody is saying anything. Very surreal. Very trippy!

I attempt once again to make my way over to my Aunt who is now sitting down at a table. Her son is getting married next year and I try to use the wedding as a conversation starter. As I start chatting (and notice the wide eyes of one of her sister-in-laws who is next to her) my Aunt gets up as she’s mid-sentence responding to me and walks away from me. I had to move aside to get out of the way for her.

At this point, it hits me. I’m not making up what I saw and felt when I first saw her. It also hits me that this is “the family tradition” (insert sarcasm) on this side of the family. The tradition that goes back to my great grandmother, my grandmother and her sister – my great aunt, and then down to my aunts and even cousins and second cousins. The tradition that SOMEONE is always on the out. THAT SOMEONE is the one who everyone critiques, picks apart and talks negatively about. THE SOMEONE who isn’t always invited to things. The SOMEONE who is the A$$shole – just because someone else decided.   And as I let it resonate for a moment, I step back and look at other relatives and people in the room and realize that most of those who I know, have done a one-eighty toward me in the time I have been in the room with them as well. WTH?!?!!? At this point I give my husband the “it’s-time-to-circle-the-wagons-and-go” look so that we can gather up the kids and head out.

We go through the motions of saying our goodbyes to everyone. The final people we need to see before stepping out is my Cousin (the one who has the beef with me, but I am clueless as to what I have done). There were a few people ahead of us leaving so we had to wait for a few people ahead of us. And low and behold, as if I wasn’t beaten up enough I am next in line to say the goodbyes and my Cousin decides that she needs to excuse herself and use the ladies room. At this point, I see my mother have a look of shear surprise on her face, so I know that I have a witness to the crazy situation. Being the type of person that doesn’t like to back down easily, I waited a few minutes for my cousin to return and then when she didn’t in a few minutes I went in the ladies room myself. She then scurried back to the banquet room so I went back there made sure the kids and hubby where there and we said our goodbyes and were out of there. All the way home I kept playing the afternoon over and over in my head. At that point, between the adrenaline and lack of food, I felt a migraine kicking in.

A few weeks have passed since my uncle’s memorial service and I am still processing everything that happened.  The range of emotions are crazy. I keep going back over the day and even the time between Christmas and the Memorial Service trying to figure out what I might have done or said to cause this. At the end of the day, I really don’t have any answers. I notice that by having the gifts that I have, that it feels strange picking up on all that I do. I have a lot of “pinch-me-I-must-be-making-this-up” moments. That is where the trippy part comes in. At the end of the day, I know what I am picking up on is real. It is just heartbreaking when the negativity is coming from people who are supposed to love and care about you. I have decided that in order to protect my “energy” and my emotions around extended family, “I am now down to weddings and funerals” for most.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Son of a B****! I Hate that I can’t Translate this Stuff

I get images that pop into my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I get frustrated by this because sometimes the images that I get can be graphic and I always think to myself, “Can I stop something horrific from happening with this knowledge??” I don’t ever want to have the guilt of feeling that something may happen and I didn’t do anything about it.

So time and time again (and I’ve shared before) I get images that pop into my head and I don’t know what to do with them. I get frustrated by this because sometimes the images that I get can be graphic and I always think to myself, “Can I stop something horrific from happening with this knowledge??” I don’t ever want to have the guilt of feeling that something may happen and I didn’t do anything about it.

On Monday, after the kids get on the bus, and I am off and running to knock out some errands. As I am exiting the neighborhood, I pass a neighbor who lives a street over. This particular neighbor suffered a heart attack a few years ago. I immediately get an image in my head of this man going into his home. He’s home alone and he suffers a heart attack! This “idea” that popped in my head was so strong, I got the feeling that I wanted to turn the car around and check on him.

Now, this is the first part that I struggle with when this happens: What if I go to this neighbor’s house and knock on the door, tell him what I just thought and then low and behold nothing comes of it?? I am labeled as officially being CRAZY! That is what will happen.

I, myself, on the way home from running errands, experience some chest pains. (Random symptoms that I experience always put me into a tizzy and at times lead to panic.) I have spent many a day and many a dollar in doctors offices, emergency rooms and urgent care centers with a slew of random symptoms that never seem to have answers.

Fast forward a few hours to later that morning. My phone starts blowing up with Facebook messages regarding a college friend whose father just passed that morning. I ask the sender of the message if this passing was expected or not. She replies with: “Heart Attack!”

Son of a B****! I hate that I can’t translate this stuff. I am sure that I need to be meditating more, grounding myself more… all of the usual. But I find it frustrating that I don’t know how to navigate with the information, signs and symbols that I am given. Talk about a head trip!

DOES ANYBODY ELSE OUT THERE STRUGGLE WITH THIS???!?