When you are Reflecting Back What People Don’t Like about Themselves, Seeing Two Deceased Fathers in a Room, and at the End of the Day You Know that the Pot-Stirrer is really stirring the Pot Because She Needs Attention: It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding!

Vibrating higher - NaysayersI recently attended my first family wedding since I became aware that I was going through a Spiritual Awakening Process – the process in which my metaphysical gifts have grown stronger. The only other large event that has taken place since my gifts have gotten stronger was a Memorial Service for a relative. You can read about it here:  https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/when-you-sense-people-in-the-room-turning-on-you-and-it-starts-to-feel-trippy/

As amazed as I was by people’s behavior towards me that evening, I was more stunned by the idea that I already knew that people would be treating me the way they did. I think on some level I thought that I could get through to certain individuals and break down walls and start the family healing that I believe is falling on my shoulders. I talk about that toward the end of a previous blog post. You can read that here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/17/we-are-just-here-to-celebrate-a-wedding-and-that-is-it/

I will happily add that I started to lose some weight a week or so before the wedding and to this day, it is still falling off with really no effort or intention on my part. It is as though my “layer of protection” that I have packed on (you can read about here: https://guidedbyspiritblog.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/ive-heard-of-the-freshman-fifteen-but-nobody-mentioned-the-awakening-15-to-me/ ) started to melt away as I got confident in myself, the angel messages that I had received and what I had to deal with at this wedding. The weight has continued to come off after as I replay in my head what I observed in people that evening. I have also been more honest with telling some people around me about my gifts, which I believe has assisted in dropping the weight as well.

So, about the wedding… (Which was really beige and not white, by the way.)

While getting ready for the wedding, I had some down time and I used that time to center myself, go over what I needed to do (radiate my light and spread love to those around me. This is the message that I got from my Guides a few weeks back.) I talked to my “spiritual team” (Guides and Angels) and even performed some Reiki on myself. I

Pyrite rose gold
My handbag, Rose Quartz and Pyrite.

knew that my grandmother, (my father’s mother) would be walking along side of me that evening. I’ve known it for months.  I was as ready as I was going to be. I was calm and relaxed and ready for whatever was going to come my way. I threw some crystals in my purse. I took rose quarts and pyrite. (Rose quartz is the stone of the heart, a crystal of unconditional love that carries a soft feminine energy of compassion and peace, tenderness and healing, nourishment and comfort. Pyrite is a protector of negative energy as well as a stone that give a confidence boost.) I performed my usual energy protection rituals and then we were off. There was a shuttle bus that could have taken us to the wedding venue, but we chose to drive by ourselves.

My husband and I arrived at the chapel prior to my parents and sister. We grabbed a seat and saved room for others to join us as the seats were filling up fast. We had a row further back. I was in the corner but felt it was a comfortable space where I could observe from. We got a wave from some members of my Uncle’s side of the family toward the front row, but no body offered for us to move up, which was fine, we don’t feel we are the first tier of people to be up in front anyway.

While waiting, I saw my cousin Ann*, my second cousin Lynn* and her mother, Auntie J.* walk in.

Beautiful-form-of-communication.-640x640My husband was standing in the aisle while I was sitting in the pew. Lynn walked by and gave my husband a quick hug and tried to scoot by with just a  wave and a hello to me, but I got up and greeted her with a hug. Then I see her mother, Auntie J.  I went up to her and she let me hug her, but then I go to kiss her on the cheek and she turned away. I noticed what has happened but carry on without missing a beat. As that was taking place, my cousin Ann said a side-ways “hello” more to my husband, than to me, and tried to walk behind everyone and avoid me. I moved closer to her and hugged her and said, “It’s great to see you.” She murmured the same back and walked to the front of the church where my uncle’s side of the family was seated. I can honestly say that I treated each lady with love and respect from the get-go that evening.

Next my parents arrived. They squeezed in and my mother asked where my sister is. She walks in (she arrived with the first three gals, but stopped off at the ladies room) and my mother called for her to sit by us. I gave her a hug as she sat down near my mother and me. I could tell that she was irritated that she had to sit by me and my parents, as she would have preferred to sit up front with the cousins, but let’s be honest, your parents come first. At one point my cousin Ann motions to my sister that there is room where they are sitting up front, but then my mom chimed in and asked if there was room for all of us, and that ended that. You could see my sister’s disgust in her body language as she realized that she was “stuck” with us for the ceremony.

As the ceremony is ready to get started, I saw my Uncle, the father of the groom, and we make eye contact. I give both him and the groom’s brother a hello as they pass by and see me.  They weren’t sure what to make of my “hello” but wave back.

Before and during the ceremony, no matter what I would say to my sister to attempt to make conversation, she would say the opposite. I would say left, she’d say right, I’d mention up, she’d say down.  No matter what I tried to do to get anywhere with her, I couldn’t so I took a break from trying until later in the evening.

The ceremony was very nontraditional and had more of a “comedy” theme to it. Others seemed to relate to the inside jokes that were said and the tone of the ceremony. Though it was a nice ceremony I didn’t connect with it, but I reminded myself that I didn’t relate to many of the people who were in the chapel and vice versa, they didn’t understand me in the least bit, but all of that was OK. We were there to celebrate the marriage of a bride and groom who were starting their life out together. It didn’t matter what the rest of us thought. It was their day. The day was how THEY want it to be. Outside opinions didn’t matter.

Once the ceremony concluded, we stepped outside and waited for the bride and groom to come out of the chapel. My parents, husband and I greeted my Aunt and Uncle (the mother and father of the groom). All four of us exchanged hugs and handshakes are exchanged and we are told “Thank you for coming.” My initial thought was, “Great! Everyone is acting cordial.”

While waiting for the couple to come out, I saw my Uncle’s sister-in-law. We’ll call her “Pat*”. Pat had a really cute dress and flats on and I complimented her on her dress and shoes. She commented back, referring to the wedges that I was wearing, about how she followed the rules on the wedding invite and wore flats as suggested, to the outdoor venue. Her comment seemed a bit icy, but I believed the comment had more to do with her, wishing she didn’t wear the flats, than with me.

On the way to the tented reception, I stopped off to the ladies room. There I made small talk with strangers who were in there. I am one who normally will make small talk with strangers and offer a smile or lift them up with a compliment. As I looked in the mirror, I could see (and feel) that I was still vibrating high.

On my way out of the ladies room, my sister and cousin Ann walk past my husband not acknowledging him until they saw me and then they said something. I let it go and made some light-hearted comment back and we headed toward the reception tent.

Once in the tent, we got our table assignments. My husband (the only male who would be at our table) and I were going to be seated with my sister, Ann, Lynn and Auntie J. My parents were seated at a different table. I could see the disappointment on my husband and father’s faces that they weren’t going to get to sit together. I could also sense my mother’s dismay as well.  I decided that we weren’t going to sit down quite yet and visit around the room first, but I also made sure that we acknowledge those who were at our table prior to sitting down. My husband and I took the long way toward our table and stopped at the bar first. I filled him in on what I had seen/sensed from other’s actions towards me at the church. To a certain degree he doesn’t see or understand fully what I see and feel as he is not an Intuitive Empath or a Highly Sensitive Person like I am.

We stopped by the bar and I asked for a cranberry and tonic. I made a point to not drink alcohol about 5 days before the wedding, as well as to not drink at the wedding for two reasons: Alcohol can block the flow of spiritual gifts. (Five days might not sound like much to some, but I feel like almost every day an excuse pops up to have a drink – a glass of wine on the patio, a drink out with the girls, a cocktail after the kids are in bed, etc.) Also, coming from a family tree of heavy drinkers, I decided that I didn’t need anyone accusing me of acting a “certain way” because maybe I had too much to drink.

On the way to the bar I saw a man’s face that seemed to transform into Lynn’s father’s face, who had passed. The face gave me a deep, knowing look into my eyes. I let it pass. Sort of questioning it.

While at the bar, Pat’s husband came up and talked to me and my husband. All was fine. We just made small talk. Also while in line I see my aunt and uncle’s sister in law, Jilly*. Jilly (as well as Pat) have a history or coming up to me at family events, especially Jilly, if they are the current target of negativity, or on the outs with, well shall we say, may Aunt Marie,* the mother of the groom. In the past, when they have been short on people to “chat” with at family functions, they will chat it up with me to kill time. That wasn’t happening at this function. But when you have been the target before, you don’t want to piss off the Ring Leader, so you abide by the “rules” and follow suit. This cycle of icing somebody out has happened for generations. It happened with my Great Grandmother, my grandmother and great aunt, and with my aunt and cousins now. Jilly and I never had a problem making conversation before but while in line at the bar, I said hello, gave her a hug and complimented her on the jacket she had on. In an adverse tone, and no eye contact, she replied, “Thanks, my daughters picked it out.” And turned her back and walked away. That was that. She was done.

I made a stop at our table before I made my way over to check out the dessert table and found some cute, older gals standing by a heater to try to keep warm. (It was not quite 50 degrees out and raining.) We chatted it up a bit. I enjoyed their smiles and warm energy, no pun intended.

After viewing the dessert table, I stopped by my mother who is trying to get organized at her assigned table. Her and my father’s seats keep getting pushed down further to the end of the table as Pat was organizing who should sit where. I tried to make small talk with Pat and my mother, but Pat didn’t make eye contact with me and tried to zip a zinger comment my way to make me “feel dumb” which I was aware of. At that point, I just moved on.

Since we are lacking family photos as a whole and we were all dressed up, my mother found a nice back drop and takes some photos in front of. We called my sister over so that she could join us.  While this was taking place, I could feel the negative energy and comments from those hanging out at the table we are to be seated at in a bit.

FB_IMG_1520543985906After my mom was done with taking photos, my sister and dad start talking by the DJ’s table. I went up and tried to join in the conversation. My husband eventually joined as well. No matter what conversation starter I asked my sister, the harsh, snippy responses were thrown back in my direction. I almost asked her what was wrong, why the tone, is there something that I did? The look on the face and body language couldn’t be ignored either, but then I remembered, we were just there for a wedding. If I asked too much, I might have gotten a negative reaction and we didn’t need to make a spectacle. I just let it be. At the end of the day, I knew that her issues are her own and they have to do with the way that my parents raised us differently, under the same roof. I was raised in such a way that I became more independent and she was the one who was (and still is) always coddled and never confronted for her actions. I have also learned that she uses her body language as a way to get attention as the victim. Victims play the victim for the sake of attention.

It was finally time to sit down for dinner. As we sat down, I caught a glimpse of what looked like and reminded me of Ann’s father who had passed. I saw him look over at me and I sensed that deep knowing look.  I knew he was there. Once we sat, I sensed the awkwardness kicking in, heads were down and everyone focused on their plates. It was more than a resting bitch face for some. In some cases, it was also the shoulders slumped forward.  I decide to just take the lead and nip the awkward silence in the bud. I paid particular attention to MY own body language making sure that I was “open” to others and not closed off. I started with Ann. I ask, “Ann, how are the kids doing?” and in response to my question, I got an abrupt and angered “Fine, how are yours?” back. I saw Lynn’s eyes pop out of her head so I knew that I wasn’t playing up the dramatics of the tone that was used. Ann dialed it back a bit and asked me, “How are yours?” I kept my gentle tone consistent and explained some of my kids’ recent activities and then moved on to Lynn and asked about her son and she showed some photos from his Senior Prom.

I sat at the table with my arms open under the table and my palms facing upward. I recall during the speeches literally sending love and a bright white light to those at my table. I saw the gentleman who looked like Lynn’s father pass by again. I got the long gaze as he came by. I struggled with what to do with that, but clearly at this point in time, and after watching people’s behavior, my thoughts were that nobody was ready to accept the gifts that I have or the messages that could be delivered because they’d be coming from me. I do think that Lynn’s father popped up twice to me because her mother was also at the table. Though they were divorced when he passed, I know that there is still love and hurt there. Better yet, I think that Lynn’s son’s soul is that of her brother that passed away at birth. Again, nobody is ready to hear this.

b3780144a617e2bc4566222df14fbf26I tried to chat with my sister a few more times while we were still sitting at dinner. I asked her questions about her work, her dog, and so forth. Still, not getting very far. While at the table I couldn’t help but to notice the “looks” back and forth between Lynn and Ann throughout the evening. At times I see my sister looking at Ann and Lynn’s non-verbal communication, but I could tell that she’s not in on it. She was more the third wheel that was used when they needed a bigger team. I particularly picked up on the looks and vibes whenever my dad walked up. (My poor father kept trying to come over and talk to my husband because he had little conversation at his table and equally felt bad for my husband.)

Eventually, the bride and groom danced their first dance together. They danced to what was my deceased Aunt and Uncle’s song – Ann’s parents. When the song is over, I literally saw my aunt and uncle joined together and waving at me as the song concluded. I smiled and thanked them.

At some point my sister, Lynn and Ann go off and dance. I felt bad for Auntie J. being left alone so my husband and I stayed seated at the table. At one point, when the ladies returned to the table, I was taken aback at what I saw. I saw a gray color around them. Not so much their aura, but more like their skin, hair and bodies, it was like I saw their “toxicity.” (To me, an aura is more the outline energy field of the body and not the body itself.)

My husband and I danced to a slow song. My father grabbed Ann for the dance. I know why my father did it. Ann is a connection to my deceased Aunt for him. She was uncomfortable with it, but that had more to do with her actions than his.

After dancing, I saw my Aunt Maria sitting by herself watching the dance floor. I thought that it would be a good time to go over and try to say something to her. After all, things seemed fine when we walked out of the chapel. I bent down and told her, “Today was really nice, don’t you think?” She turned halfway, gave me a glare and replied, “Yeah, thanks.” And turned her back toward me. I bent down again, thinking I would try again, but decided to just leave it.

32452343_365986140589779_1026768973569458176_nI know that she is the pot-stirrer of this whole current family mess.  In all fairness, she grew up around similar actions. (When you know better, you do better.) I  know that she harbors a lot of anger and resentment which if not released, will turn into disease. I believe it will be bone cancer if she doesn’t break the cycle. I also known that when people stir the pot, they are doing so to put attention on them. For whatever reason THEY need attention so they try to get it by creating drama.

At that moment, I remember thinking to myself that I was thankful (for the first time in my life) for a girl who I went to school with – The Prom Queen. She was also a pot-stirrer and she was great at getting the room to turn on a person. I didn’t realize until now that the aggravation that she caused me years ago actually prepared me for moments like these.

At this point in the evening, I felt that I had only gotten as far as I was going to get with people in the room and that it was time to go. My mom gave me a strange look when I told her that my husband and I were saying our good byes and heading out. (My dad on the other hand was wishing that he could leave with us.)

I realize that my parents are trying to keep their noses clean in this family drama situation. My Aunt Maria is my father’s only living original family member left left so they don’t want to ruin that. Never mind that my father was taught his whole life to keep his head down and to avoid conflict. With that said, if people were treating my sister that evening the way that they were treating me, he would have been all over it making phone calls and having conversations behind the scenes to try to fix things on her behalf. I need to chalk it up to: My parents think that I am independent and can handle this.

Before leaving, we look for my Uncle to say “goodbye” to. I never got confirmation (yet) on the watch that my uncle was wearing at the wedding, but I have a feeling that someday in the future I will. (Refer back to my previous blog.) He was very pleasant and appreciative. A very different energy than my Aunt’s Marie’s. He put his hand on my back when we left and I felt his energy towards me – the energy of touch means more than words.

I am glad that we drove separately and didn’t take the shuttle back to the hotel. It turns out that Lynn was running her mouth on the bus ripping the ceremony and wedding apart with the bride two seats away from her. Definitely not the final words a Bride wants to end her special day on.

The next day, word gets to me that some thought that I was acting “fake” at the wedding and Ann had felt the need to reference me as “someone who flaunts their sainthood in order to find their horns.” At the end of the day I know that people’s issues are their own and their behaviors have to do with how they are really feeling about themselves. Empaths are mirrors to others. We reflect back to others what they don’t like about themselvesempaths reflect back and what they need to change or to work on. Let’s also remember that empaths don’t do fake.

If I was acting out of my normal range, my husband would have been the first to call me out on it, right then and there on it. I know in my heart that I was acting authentically.

I also realize that I vibrate higher than those I was around at the wedding. As a rule, when you vibrate higher, toxic people fall away from you. They also don’t know how to approach you. (I have learned this along my awakening journey.)

When it was time to head back home, I closed the hotel room door behind me. Before doing so, I paused for a moment. It felt symbolic. Like I was turning a page or even closing a book cover. Perhaps some family healing was put into motion the day of the wedding. Only time will tell.

*Names and some timeline order of events have been changed to protect people’s privacy.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.
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Ever Since I was a Child, I get Overly Emotional at Parades

Ever since I was a child, I can recall crying at parades. My first memory of this goes back to somewhere between 7 or 8 years old. I recall standing along the curbside a few blocks from my house anticipating how much candy might be thrown my way at an annual town celebration parade.

On one particular day in the month of June, I recall it being early in the morning, maybe around 9am, the sun just to the right of me, I stood waiting for the parade to start. My parents and sister were near me, along with many familiar faces as the town I grew up in was a small, Midwestern town.

The beginning of theparade parade. like most parades, was marked with a police car and a fire truck. I recall the firetruck at the beginning of the parade, starting its siren to announce the start of the parade. A jolt of excitement ran through my body as the siren blew. Then I experienced a cycle of me smiling, eyes welling up with tears, happiness overcoming me, a sense of pride, and then…the cycle would start all over again when service men and woman would march by,  or the Shriners would zip their small cars  around the street, or a marching band would stop in its tracks and play a song for spectators.

I was never scared at parades, and it wasn’t the loud noises bringing tears to my eyes. The tears weren’t that of being frightened or even sad. I recall having the knowledge that the tears that I had in my eyes were that of “happy tears” to the best of my description at that age.

It wasn’t until a few years ago I put the pieces together and realized that there was a reason for the tears at parades. (I still find tears coming to my eyes at parades even now in adulthood.) I have learned that I am an Empath and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Yes, that is a real term, a Highly Sensitive Person.

Empaths can “feel” and pick up on the emotions of people around them, and people who are “Highly Sensitive” are more aware of and affected by external stimuli than non-HSPs. They are often empaths and internalize everything more deeply — from social interactions to emotions to physical and visual sensations.

You can learn more about traits of an Empath here: https://themindunleashed.com/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

You can learn more about HSP traits here: https://www.ourheritageofhealth.com/are-you-a-highly-sensitive-person-10-signs-you-might-have-this-inherited-trait/

Wrap all of this together and at places like parades, I am soaking up the excitement and energy from the music, the crowd around me as well as the swirl of emotions that is taking place when service men and woman and first responders walk by or an honored community member who was picked to be the grand marshal.

In recent years I have learned different techniques to shield or protect myself from the energies around me. I will say that I have NOT YET perfected protecting myself fully at large, energetic events like parades, but I am doing better.

To this day, I still cry at parades (as well as at theater play performances,  or when the Anthem is sung in front of a large crowd,  at Superbowl half time performances, and even during large firework displays.) I find the energy to be overwhelming, but in a good way.

Warning: As an Empath, “Meeting Hangovers” Can Take Up To Two Days to Recover From

I belong to a local non-profit community organization and last night we had a meeting. It was our “end-of –year meeting” which goes longer than our normal monthly meetings. That particular meeting goes longer because we do a dinner and socialize at the beginning, conduct our usual meeting, vote on the following year’s Board Members, and then we divvy up the funds that we have raised throughout the year and disperse them to other causes and needs throughout the community. Last’s night meeting by no means was the longest meeting that we’ve ever had, but I was there for over three hours.

The group on a whole is a good group of people, though there are some interesting energies in the room. I don’t actually sit back and try to read the people in the room. I try to enjoy them for who they are, but from time to time I have found that I have been shown things about certain members. I also find myself “un-following” some fellow Club members on social media, but that is because I can’t handle some of the energy that they put out. It is nothing personal, I just can’t keep getting hit with negative funk.

Until just a few years ago, I didn’t realize that I was an Empath, or what traits came along with such a gift. Empaths  “sponge” all kinds of emotional and mental energy from other people – Good. Bad. And otherwise. I also didn’t know how to combat the “hangover” (a.k.a. Empath Fatigue) that I would experience post-large gatherings. When at Club meetings time and time again I find people coming up to me spilling some of their trials and tribulations to me and then I find myself thinking, “Wow! That was a lot they unloaded on me.” Big things. Things like marital troubles, work issues, health issues and financial stuff, just to name a few. One of the traits of being an Empath is to have people open up to them. Sometimes this can happen with people who need healing, other times I notice this comes from energy vampires.

I feel that I have gotten better (in my opinion anyway) about “bubbling up” and protecting or shielding myself, my energy, really, before walking into such large gatherings, but I still feel the aftereffects and the next day kick myself for not continuing to protect myself as much as I should during such events. (Cue Empath Hangover symptoms.) I also sometimes use, which I did last night, some Palo Santo Oil on myself prior to leaving the house. (I mix a few drops of Palo Santo oil in a small atomizer spray bottle with some distilled water and spray myself, as if putting up a wall of defense, and ask my guides and specific Archangels to protect me from negative energies. I feel that this helps with protecting myself from negative energies as well as psychic attacks.)

Between absorbing the energies in the meeting space, and being dumped on with people’s real problems and challenges, (and the occasional drop-in by Spirit), I find it hard to come home and just crawl into bed and go to sleep. I can’t “turn off” just like that. And by turn off, I literally mean turn my body off. I can feel it vibrate or pulse which I’ve come to understand as an energy overload. All of the energy that I have absorbed makes it hard to fall asleep and even stay asleep through the night. I’ve learned to try to cleanse myself (better yet, my Aura) by taking a shower when I get home. (I had this suggested to me awhile back from another lady who has some extraordinary gifts and I find it helps.) I also ground myself. Sometimes as I lay in bed rehashing things that happened through the evening that I can’t seem to let go of, I envision “cutting” a person or situation that is nagging my brain and watch whatever I cut, float away.

Meetings and any type of community service work can be a challenge for me. In one breath, I want to be out there helping people, in another, I find myself ducking out of largely attended events. Events that my take place in a community park or those that may serve a few hundred families in one day. It is too much for me still. I feel too much. I see too much. I can even take on symptoms of those around me. Sometimes I find fellow Club members giving me a questioning look as to why I am not signing up to do specific things. My secret (my gifts) are still a secret to most around town. Sill being in the closet has its challenges.  For example, there was an instance last night when the group was trying to decide how much money should go to which cause and organizations and I found myself blurting out “Does that particular one need that much money?” Followed by my head tingling and ears ringing. I’ll save this story for another day, but let’s just say that one organization that had some embezzlement issues a few years back is now miles ahead of where they used to be and I kept hearing – in my head – that the $500 that the Club was suggesting to donate to them should be knocked down to $250 and that the difference should go to X or Y organization instead. As you can imagine, it is sort of hard to explain to a room full of people that someone on the other side provided this info. (Someone from the other side who I think was at one time working overtime to make good on an embezzlement issue that she was a part of here in the physical world. Never mind that connecting with spirit can zap my energy as well.)

I’m not saying that I am doing everything correctly, but I am better off than what I was a few years ago with this. After a meeting or function, I still find that I am drained the next day. Nowadays the draining feeling lasts only about one day, when in the past, it could take me nearly two days to feel “normal” again. I’ve learned to not schedule anything important the next day, if possible. I’ve at least showered so far today. A few years ago I would have still had my sweat pants on in this point of the day, and considered it to be a “win” if the kids made it off to school and dinner was on the table by 5:00pm. Today I am showered, dressed half decently, and tackling my “to-do list” in a timely matter.

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Stale Smoke and the Pharmacist

So here is one of those things that make you go “Hmmm…” I don’t know exactly what to make of it, but I really feel that nothing happens by coincidence. I just wish that I knew what to do with this.

Yesterday I was hand-shampooing a padded piano bench that came with the piano that we recently purchased. While shampooing it, I kept getting a light, stale, smoke smell.  The piano was purchased used, and though I think that one of the home owners may have smoked, the home it came out of didn’t smell of smoke when I was there. I just chalked it up to maybe the bench was around a smoker at one time and I was getting out old “stuff” since I was using soap and water.

Later throughout the day, the smoke smell kept popping up from time to time and usually when I was NOT around the recently shampooed bench while it was trying to dry. Did I mention that we don’t have any smokers in our home, either? I sort of chalked this up to my nose’s memory. They say you remember smells – whoever “they” are!

So fast forward to this morning. While getting ready, I kept getting a whiff here and there. Again, a little perplexed why I am still smelling stale smoke, but blew it off again. I got the kids off to school and headed to a holistic pharmacy about 25 minutes away. (I found out that they carry some products that I normally purchase online and I wanted to check them out.)

The pharmacy is in a town nearby and every time I drive in that area, it spooks me out and I am not sure why. Perhaps I am picking something up there? It gives me the heebie-jeebies. So once I get there, the owner, the Pharmacist, and I chat briefly about the products that I am there to pick up and we discuss some others in his shop as well. Before heading into his office, he mentions to one of his employees something about a smoke smell he smells. I mention that I smelt it too, and tell him that it smells like stale smoke to me. He nods and agrees that stale smoke is what he smells too! I then mention that I have been getting the “smell” for the last few days. He and I just sort of looked at each other with a bit of a knowing look and carried on separately with what we were doing…. And THIS, ladies and gentleman, this is one of those times that I feel that this wasn’t coincidence and I wish that I KNEW what to do with this information. Is this possibly a Spirit trying to connect with me and, or, the Pharmacist? Was I to deliver a message that I am not fully getting???? Ugh! As neat as this is, it is frustrating that I don’t know what to do with this.

 

I find Playdates to be Exhausting and Draining!

So I think that I have realized this subconsciously for a while now, but today I am admitting to myself: I find playdates to be exhausting and draining!

Never mind that people think that I keep a clean house and the truth is, I scurry around like crazy before someone is due over. (And usually when someone stops by unexpectedly they may see an unexpected mess or dirty kitchen that they necessarily didn’t think that I would have. When that happens, the joke is on them, I guess.

Anyway, lately I have been finding myself dreading playdates. We live in a small town and a cozy neighborhood so it is common for the Moms to get together and chat while the kids play. It doesn’t even matter if the gathering takes place at our house, someone else’s house, or at the park. Even if I really enjoy the company of the mom, or moms there, and my kids behave decently where I don’t have to constantly be on them, I still feel like I need to crash once it is over and that we can’t have any more activities later that same day, and if I don’t have to go anywhere afterwards, that is great too!! I truly feel like the life gets sucked out of me! Sweat pants and a nap call my name right after!

I’ve started to hear a new term, well, new to me recently, that I think may explain why I feel wiped out and actually try to put off gatherings sometimes. The term that I am referring to is called: An Empath.

The definition of an Empath, according to the Urban Dictionary (which I feel is one of the more straight forward definitions and doesn’t use the word “paranormal” to freak people out) is: “A person who is capable of feeling the emotions of others despite the fact that they themselves are not going through the same situation.”  Basically an Empath absorbs the emotions of others, they can pick up or absorb emotional states, energies and surroundings. Sometimes pain or suffering can be heightened above average, too. This “gift” can result in being always tired and energetically exhausted.

I use the word “gift” because being an Empath IS a gift!  It is hugely beneficial for relating to others and the universe as a whole. I am told that this can feel like a curse until I learn how to cope with all of the stimuli that I encounter. I have been told by others that it is part of my genetic make-up and that supposedly 1 in 20 people are Empaths. As I can attest that a seemingly regular day can be overwhelming for me.  I also find it odd that 1 in 20 people have what I have but just recently I have actually heard the word: Empath!

So to get back to my original topic at hand. Yes, playdates exhaust me. Though at the time I think that I am enjoying the conversation with another Mom or neighbor, or blame my tiredness on my frantic cleaning and picking up the house beforehand, I am coming to terms with the idea that I have a gift that I don’t totally know how to use yet.

Has anyone else had a similar experience??

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.

Do You Hear Things?

Back in July I had a Reading in which I found out that I have some Spiritual Gifts. During the Reading the Intuitive Medium brought up that I have a lot of energy. She said that I had Monkey Mind and that it is hard for me to get still. (All true!)

She also asked if I had a hard time sleeping. I confirmed that I did and that I also seem to wake up regularly around 2:00 and 3:00 AM. She confirmed that that is a “prime time” for when Spirits come to visit. It is also a time that information comes.

The next thing she asked, which I never really thought of too much until she brought it up was – “Do you hear things??” I thought for a minute and then realized yes, I suppose I hear a bump here, a movement there, but I never thought too hard about it.

Later after I processed this for a bit I realized that there is a lot that I hear. For example, over the years I have woke up to the sound of a dog bark. Not barking, but a quick, short, bark. The way our dog (or dogs in the past) have barked in the middle of the night to go out. This has happened time and time again where I have heard this, woke up and gone to the back door to find no animal needing to go out. I would then go and investigate and find the dog sound asleep somewhere not looking as if he’s moved for hours. Sometimes I would blow it off as I was just having a dream. Other times I would blame it on the dog, maybe he’s having a dream and barked in his sleep.

There have been times that I think I hear someone call “Mom” in the middle of the night. I wake to find none of my children in my room. I go and check all of the kids’ rooms and find everyone tucked in and sound asleep. Again, in the past, I always thought that maybe I was dreaming, or the kids were talking in their sleep. Perhaps not.

Finally, and this is a big one that happened for me recently that made me reflect on the question: “Do I hear things?” I woke up in the middle of the night the other night to the sound of my refrigerator door opening and then closing. I remember instantly opening my eyes once I heard it to find my husband still sound asleep so it wasn’t like he went to the kitchen for a midnight snack or something to drink. I then checked on the children, none of which have ever helped themselves to food or a drink in the middle of the night, and, well, they are fast asleep. I remember just stopping in my tracks for a moment and letting it sink in that yes, I.do.hear.things!

This was real. I heard it plain as day.

I didn’t feel threatened by it, it just really sunk in that I am not alone.

I fell crazy for this, but I’m not (totally!) crazy!

Now here are some things that the Intuitive Medium shared with me that I thought was helpful:

I am hearing things at night because my mind is at rest. (Well, that makes sense. No kids, pets, spouse, phones, technology clamoring after me.) When Spirits pick up on someone being sensitive, they flock to that person. They can all crowd around and talk at the same time because they are exited. When this happens, I should tell Spirit to back off and remind them that they are all crowding and talking to me at once. (They get excited when they think they might be able to get their message across.) She suggested that I be firm. Tell them (Spirit) to “Get in line, and to speak one at a time.” I should delegate.

After hearing this, I was curious if the Spirits around me need my help or if they were around to help me? The Intuitive Medium told me that she saw that some were serving the purpose of guidance, (for example she picked up on a strong female guide who is trying to help me). She said that others are around me because when people walk around “open” such as I am right now, I am actually attracting spirits.

Wow! This just got a little more real!

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The stories and topics that I share are as I have observed them, as I have lived them, and as they have happened to me, along my journey. They are not intended to hurt anybody and they are told as I have experienced them. I have also done my best to protect the identity of the subjects in my writings. If you find yourself reading something and suddenly question: “Is that about me?” If that is the case it probably is to some degree because there’s absolutely some kind of lesson in there for you.
If the topics or stories on my blog or in my other writings are not relatable to you, then it is not for you, at least not at this time. We are all in different places along our journeys. What resonates with some, won’t even touch on the surface for others.