Ever Since I was a Child, I get Overly Emotional at Parades

I Have Cried (happy tears) at Parades, Ever Since I was a Child. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I put the pieces together and realized that there was a reason for the tears. I am an Empath and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

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Ever since I was a child, I can recall crying at parades. My first memory of this goes back to somewhere between 7 or 8 years old. I recall standing along the curbside a few blocks from my house anticipating how much candy might be thrown my way at an annual town celebration parade.

On one particular day in the month of June, I recall it being early in the morning, maybe around 9am, the sun just to the right of me, I stood waiting for the parade to start. My parents and sister were near me, along with many familiar faces as the town I grew up in was a small, Midwestern town.

The beginning of theparade parade. like most parades, was marked with a police car and a fire truck. I recall the firetruck at the beginning of the parade, starting its siren to announce the start of the parade. A jolt of excitement ran through my body as the siren blew. Then I experienced a cycle of me smiling, eyes welling up with tears, happiness overcoming me, a sense of pride, and then…the cycle would start all over again when service men and woman would march by,  or the Shriners would zip their small cars  around the street, or a marching band would stop in its tracks and play a song for spectators.

I was never scared at parades, and it wasn’t the loud noises bringing tears to my eyes. The tears weren’t that of being frightened or even sad. I recall having the knowledge that the tears that I had in my eyes were that of “happy tears” to the best of my description at that age.

It wasn’t until a few years ago I put the pieces together and realized that there was a reason for the tears at parades. (I still find tears coming to my eyes at parades even now in adulthood.) I have learned that I am an Empath and a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Yes, that is a real term, a Highly Sensitive Person.

Empaths can “feel” and pick up on the emotions of people around them, and people who are “Highly Sensitive” are more aware of and affected by external stimuli than non-HSPs. They are often empaths and internalize everything more deeply — from social interactions to emotions to physical and visual sensations.

You can learn more about traits of an Empath here: https://themindunleashed.com/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

You can learn more about HSP traits here: https://www.ourheritageofhealth.com/are-you-a-highly-sensitive-person-10-signs-you-might-have-this-inherited-trait/

Wrap all of this together and at places like parades, I am soaking up the excitement and energy from the music, the crowd around me as well as the swirl of emotions that is taking place when service men and woman and first responders walk by or an honored community member who was picked to be the grand marshal.

In recent years I have learned different techniques to shield or protect myself from the energies around me. I will say that I have NOT YET perfected protecting myself fully at large, energetic events like parades, but I am doing better.

To this day, I still cry at parades (as well as at theater play performances,  or when the Anthem is sung in front of a large crowd,  at Superbowl half time performances, and even during large firework displays.) I find the energy to be overwhelming, but in a good way.

I’ve heard of the “Freshman Fifteen” but Nobody Mentioned the “Awakening 15” to Me!

scaleIt is fair to say that my “Awakening” started at least two to three years ago to my knowledge. And with the Awakening has come many health issues, symptoms, including fatigue, and last but not least, weight gain. Nobody mentioned the weight gain to me! I have honestly packed on nearly 15. It may not sound like much to some, BUT it is noticeable to me and my wardrobe.

I have gone through ups and downs with weight, including post-baby weight. I’m also not a Spring Chicken anymore so things do change, but in the first year of me knowing I was in the Awakening process I probably gained 5 pounds. (Not horrible.) But this past two years I have packed on another 10!!! I go through my phases of exercising and physical activity but when I am off the wagon, as I am now, it is so hard to climb back on.

I know that there is a lot playing into this weight gain. Never mind the fatigue that I have experienced from my body changing or re-wiring itself over the past few years. Or the fatigue I experience after the Adrenalin rush of a spirit anxiety attack. And then, as an empath, I can take on different symptoms, like fatigue, from other people.  I know that extra weight is used as a protection mechanism.

I have read that during the Awakening process that the body can feel an influx of energies that are unfamiliar to it, and when the body is confused, or feels under attack, it seeks to defend itself, and one way it does that is by creating another layer of energy for protection – a.k.a. fat.  The body will use fat or mass in order to block out unfamiliar energies. I suppose that this makes sense, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I like it.

I have also learned that emotionally, we sometime put on weight like a layer of protection. We use it like bubble warp from the world. (I suppose keeping an awakening and spiritual gifts from others around you would potentially call for the feeling of extra protection.)

Then there are the cravings and coping mechanisms of food. Carbs are my favorite. Then sugar and salt like to work hand and hand. Alcohol is also my friend. Besides there is always a reason to be having a drink. (Right now it is patio drinking season.) Patio Drinking Season usually follows Halloween candy (and parties) in the neighborhood, followed by Thanksgiving then the rest of the holidays that seem to be a food fest and surrounded by alcoholic beverages – party as a coping mechanism to deal with family and relatives.

Regardless as to why this is happening to me right now, I feel like I’m helpless. I feel like it is out of my control. And in reality, I am sure that I can or should be able to regain control somehow. Some way.

Psychic Anxiety, Not Your Typical Anxiety Attack

Time and time again I have had episodes happen in my life and people around me, some who have my best interest at heart and others, well, we all have them… are quick to say, “Oh! It must be Anxiety!” Some will follow up by offering a doctor’s number, a prescription recommendation or breathing techniques, or even a change in diet. Others will suggest that I pray or recite a verse or two from the Bible when going through this.

Time and time again I have had episodes happen in my life and people around me, some who have my best interest at heart and others, well, we all have them… are quick to say, “Oh! It must be Anxiety!” Some will follow up by offering a doctor’s number, a prescription recommendation or breathing techniques, or even a change in diet. Others will suggest that I pray or recite a verse or two from the Bible when going through this.

anxiety-disorder-test-your-fear-level-e1422919833373I have tried the praying thing and though I believe that there is a higher being in charge upstairs, the praying and Bible verse reciting doesn’t do a darn thing when you are in the thick of an attack. (Contrary to what some of my friends say who are strong in their Christian Faith.)

The meds and doctors, well, I refuse to take a pill for this. (My husband who has really no knowledge of my spiritual gifts has told me time and time again to just go get something at the doctor to make me feel better. I have known others who have treated their anxiety with medication. Some say it helps, others, to me, are in a fog when they are on such medication.

I once had a chiropractor who specialized in nutrition once tell me that the foods I am eating could be tied in with panic attacks. I’ve tried eating differently at times, and I can’t say that I have found the perfect cure.

It has been awhile since I have had one of these extreme episodes and today was far from the worst that I had, but it was still no walk in the park. And to note, whenever I have one of these, I can’t usually seem to connect them to any certain thing going on in my life at the moment, any certain stressor, or any specific trigger.

They. Just. Happen!

Today started out like any other morning. It is summer and the kids are off from school but summer camps are all in full swing. My husband is out of state, traveling for work, but that happens often. Right before I got the kids up to start the normal breakfast routine, I got some major itching. It was like having allergies, when your skin is itchy but it kept moving around my body and in all sorts of random places. It was such extreme itching that I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. (I’ve been down this path before, with the itching and doctors have chalked it up to hormones or allergies or at the end of the day, nothing that they can really pin point exactly. I’ve been subscribed all kinds of allergy meds and had all kinds of tests run. Nobody can ever really find what is really wrong with me.)

By the time the kids are up and we are doing our breakfast routine, I am itching like crazy, my body feels like it is vibrating and I feel the adrenaline start to rush. For a moment I did get a grip, because I felt the ringing in my ears that I get when Spirit tries to connect – though I can’t always hear what Spirit is trying to say – but then, I went back into panic mode as the ringing stopped, and the other feelings kept happening.

Since the overall feeling in my body didn’t feel right, and I am home alone with my husband out of state,  I decided to text my good friend and neighbor a street over checking to see if she’d be around today or have access to her phone in the event that I had an “emergency.” Before I got done sending her the text, my husband phones to check-in. I try explaining to him what is going on, BUT, as always, I am vague with the details and don’t fully explain everything, partially because I don’t think he takes it very seriously.

Once I sent the text to my friend, I calmed down a few minutes later. This is when things start to mess with my head. “Is it a panic attack and now that I told someone about how I am feeling it starts to go away? Great! How silly do I look?” or…I did ask God, Archangel Michael, and some of my other Guides to protect me, my children, my home and my husband (who is traveling). “Is this someone’s way to tell me everything is OK?” or “Is this someone telling me that things are NOT okay? That something bad is about to happen?” Then there is the “Wait! Am I having a real allergic reaction to something and do I need medical attention??” Better yet, “Am I about to have some sort of medical emergency with how my body feels right now?” 

Try playing the above in your head over and over again. You’ll go nuts – I have.

When it was time to take the kids to their camps, I was still feeling off, but improved – but cold. I felt cold. (“Is this my thyroid acting up??” Oh wait! That has been tested again recently. I was told all was fine.) I did my best to chat with a few parents and act as if nothing was wrong, something I’ve gotten good at over the past few years. I manage to get back to my car and run one quick errand at the grocery store, but during the errand, I felt like I was under water and shaky.

By the time I got home, I realized that I was just plain exhausted. This told me, it’s not allergies, it is not my thyroid, THIS was the crash after an adrenaline rush. Why would there be an adrenaline rush? Well, they usually show up with panic attacks.

For the next few hours I was drained. I tried to eat and hydrate with water. I didn’t feel close to myself again until I laid down for about 30 minutes or so. Not really to sleep but to recharge. Prior to laying down I did spray myself with some Palo Santo Oil (I usually mix a few drops with distilled water into a small spray bottle. I then ask that I be protected from any negative energies or spirits when I do this.) As I laid down, I asked to be grounded. I asked my Spirit Guides to protect me from any harsh or negative energies. (I pictured myself standing with them all around me shoulder to shoulder.) Then as I closed my eyes, I tried to connect with Source and envisioned myself standing in my back yard. I pictured a white light coming down from the sky and going down my whole body. I thought of my feet as roots and eventually thought of the light coming down through my body and going down one leg, while the other released anything negative or anything that didn’t serve me.

Once I got up, I felt the most normal that I have been all day. Not perfect, but the best that I had felt thus far.

I tried to spend some time during the afternoon outside. I played with some dirt in my garden as I moved a few plants around and watered a few things. I figured the fresh air and putting my hands in the dirt couldn’t hurt on a day like today.

I had the buzzing or ringing in my ears today off and on. Not as intense as this morning, but it has come and gone.

I often ask myself why I can’t figure out who is trying to contact me during these intense episodes, but I am in such a weird feeling place when it happens, I feel so blocked or locked up and can’t calm myself down to get anything. And even when I do, I still question it forward and backwards because I am so out of sorts.

Now that it is evening, I am still tired, but not as drained as I was. It won’t be until tomorrow that I will feel whole again.  Right when I think I have this Spirit thing or spiritual gifts figured out, I am reminded that I don’t. I am also reminded that the Universe will give you more (gifts) to handle, as you can handle it.

I have come across two helpful articles time and again which discuss psychic attacks (also referred to as “Spirit Pressure”) further. You may want to check them out:

https://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/when-my-anxiety-attack-was-actually-a-spirit/

https://www.amandalinettemeder.com/blog/2014/2/11/could-my-anxiety-be-a-sign-of-mediumship-and-psychic-abilities